View Full Version : Corporate Lessons

03-25-2005, 11:56 AM
Corporate Lesson 1
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel." After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?" "It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies. "Great!" the husband says, "Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"

Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

Corporate Lesson 2
A priest offered a lift to a Nun. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest apologized "Sorry sister but the flesh is weak." Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."

Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.

Corporate Lesson 3

A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish." "Me first! Me first!" says the admin. clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." Poof! She's gone. "Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life." Poof! He's gone.

OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch."

Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.

Corporate Lesson 4

A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A rabbit asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?" The crow answered: "Sure, why not." So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested. A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.

Corporate Lesson 5

A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, but I haven't got the energy." "Well, why don't you nibble on my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients." The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally
after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree.
Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.

Moral of the story: Bull**** might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.

03-25-2005, 11:59 AM
Four lawyers in a law firm lived and died for their Saturday morning round
of golf. It was their favorite moment of the week. Then one of the lawyers
was transferred to an office in another city. It wasn't quite the same
without him.

A new woman lawyer joined their law firm. One day she overheard the
remaining three talking about their golf round at the coffee table.

Curious, she spoke up, "You know, I used to play on my golf team in college
and I was pretty good. Would you mind if I joined you next week?"

The three lawyers looked at each other. They were hesitant. Not one of them
wanted to say 'yes', but she had them on the spot. Finally one man said it
would be okay, but they would be starting pretty early at 6:30 am. He
figured the early Tee-Time would discourage her immediately.

The woman said this might be a problem and asked if she could possibly be
up to 15 minutes late. They rolled their eyes but said this would be okay.
She smiled and said, "Good, then I'll be there either at 6:30 or 6:45."

She showed up right at 6:30 and wound up beating all three of them with an
eye-opening 2-under par round. She was a fun and pleasant person the entire
round. The guys were impressed! Back in the clubhouse they congratulated
her and happily invited her back the next week. She smiled and said "Sure,
I'll be here at 6:30 or 6:45."

The next week she again showed up at 6:30 Saturday morning. Only this time,
she played left-handed. The three lawyers were incredulous as she still
managed to beat them with an even par round despite playing with her

By now the guys were totally amazed, but wondered if she was just trying to
make them look bad by beating them left-handed. They couldn't figure her
out. She was again very pleasant and didn't seem to be showing them up, but
each man began to harbor a burning desire to beat her!

In the third week they all had their game faces on. But this week she was
15 minutes late! This had the guys irritable because each was determined to
play the best round of golf of his life to beat her.

As they waited for her, they figured her late arrival was some petty
gamesmanship on her part.

Finally she showed up.

This week the lady lawyer played right-handed which was a good thing since
she narrowly beat all three of them. However she was so gracious and so
complimentary of their strong play, it was hard to keep a grudge against
her. This woman was a riddle no one could figure out!

Back in the clubhouse she had all three guys shaking their heads at her
ability. They had a couple beers after their round which helped the
conversation loosen up.

Finally one of the men could contain his curiosity no longer. He asked her
point blank, "How do you decide if you're going to golf right-handed or

The lady blushed and grinned. She said, "That's easy.

When my dad taught me to play golf, I learned I was ambidextrous. I have
always had fun switching back and forth. Then when I met my husband in
college and got married, I discovered he always sleeps in the nude. From
then on I developed a silly habit. Right before I left in the morning for
golf practice, I would pull the covers off him. If his you-know-what was
pointing to the right, I golfed right-handed; if it was pointed to the
left, I golfed left-handed. All the girls on the team thought this was

Astonished at this bizarre information, one of the guys shot back, "But
what if it's pointed straight up in the air?"

She said, "Then I'm fifteen minutes late."