View Full Version : Ever Have One Of Those Days?

03-31-2005, 09:22 AM
Yesterday was not a good day for the ol' GACster (and it wasn't suppose to be that way).

I need to rid myself of the stress by making this thread (and it's the next day already).

Yesterday was a beautiful day, and since I am a 3rd shifter, I thought I'd get up around 3 in the afternoon, go outside, and start to clean up all the fallen limbs, branches, and yard waste that has been laying in my front and backyard since that humungous ice storm a couple months back. Some of you may remember the pics I posted.

I also thought that the kids could help me when they got off school, and we could put a nice dent in this HUGE project.

A friend loaned me his Sears Craftman chainsaw (remember that name, because it is important to the story later on). So I'm out in the garage, and I get the saw out, and the chain is off. There is no owner's manual, and since I wouldn't use one anyway (it's the part of the code), I sat there and figured out how to get it on and get the tensioner set just right.

It only took me (and the neighbor) about a half an hour (and this guy is an engineer for cryin' out loud). ;)

So I get it going, and start hitting the limbs. And over the next hour the chain comes off about 4-5 times. I'm perplexed. Meanwhile, my OTHER neighbor who lives across the street (and who has never spoken a word to me in the 6 years we've lived here) is stealthfully watching me from inside his garage. He sees that I see him, so he kinda backs away into the corner of his garage, but is still peeking to watch me. I figured he felt I was gonna saw a leg off or something.

So the kids get home, and Dad is still starting and stopping the chainsaw (that's right, to put the chain back on in case you haven't been following along), and I tell them to change their clothes and get out here and start hauling branches to the back of the yard. I get gripes and complaints. So I tell them that I'm also standing in a huge pile of switches, and I'm not afraid to use them! Parental bonding is such a wonderful and handy tool.

So for the next 1 1/2 I'm fighting this chainsaw, and makng minimal progress (but some). My daughter and youngest boy are too busy wrestling around, and my oldest boy, who is 16, is carrying back branches, one at a time, that are about the size of a #2 pencil. I figure at this rate we'll have it all cleared by the next ice storm. So I'm now yelling at two inanimate objects-the chainsaw and the kids.

Now the maple tree in my front yard is about 30 feet tall. And there is this huge branch that is hung up about half way up. So I decide that I'm gonna need to shimmy up that tree and cut it down. Unfortunately, at age 49, I forgot how to shimmy. So I get a ladder and climb the rest of the way, with saw in hand. No (you idiots!) not the chainsaw either. I may be stupid, but I'm no idiot! My oldest boy asks "Dad, what are you gonna do up there?" (smart lad - Starvin Marvin's here he comes!). I tell him to get me a rope and I'll show him (I was jokin of course).

So I'm sawing away at this branch (and a few others), and after about 20 minutes I look around to check on the kids, and I see that my oldest is gone. So ask the other two where he went? They said he was in the garage looking for rope! And this kid wants to work for Bill Gates some day???

So we're not making much progress, so I decide to get the Sears Craftsman riding lawnmower out (first time this year), hook up the trailer, let the kids drive it and load up branches to haul. I figured that would motivate them since they love to ride the mower. But first I had to figure out how to get out of this tree!

Well, the battery was dead on the mower. So the hilligan that I am, I get the car and pull it around to jump the mower (Thats right, I've done it before). In the process I run over the dogwood sapling (I didn't it! - and this will play in later also). So I get the mower started and the kids start arguing over who is gonna drive it first. I resolve that issue and let the oldest boy drive. Now we have a very low area in the back part of our yard that during the spring is nothing but much for about a month till warm weather dries it up.

So guess where my son buries the mower? And guess where my son is buried.

He runs the battery down trying to get it re-started, so I have to push it out and up the hill near the house so they can hose it off and I can look at it. My legs still ache (I should have made him get off the mower - he weighs a ton).

Now this is where the Sears Craftsman comes in. I was so mad that if I could have had Bonb Villa in front of me (and I could keep the blade on that #@@!$# chainsaw) he would have looked like that black knight in Monty Python.... "Yeah Bob! Lets see you use that Cratfsman all-in-one ratchet now!!"

It's about 7:30 now, and I'm stressed and exhausted. Plus I still have to get ready to go into work. So I tell the kids to get inside, take their showers, go to their rooms, and I don't want to see their sorry butts the rest of the night!

My lovely wife (you all know my wife), is sitting at the computer in her pajamas playing cards on MSN Gaming Zone. I was surprised... "Nothing on Lifetime Network dear? Maybe some movie about a deranged husband who is driven insane with yard work, and who massacres his family with a chainsaw?" I ask.

She looks at me and wonders what is wrong? Forum rules prevent from going into details of the visions that ran through my mind at that moment. But it wasn't pretty. And I think that if I carried it out, after hearing my testimony, there wouldn't be a jury in the land that would convict me. ;)

So I finally go to work.

Remember that dogwood sapling I ran over? I found it this morning. About 5 miles from my house, and on the way home, my car started overheating profusedly. I mean white smoke was pouring out of it. And people in cars passing me felt it was their civic duty to let me know that my car was smoking. Of course I just smiled back, made the the normal hand acknowledgements to say "Thanks"; but what I was really saying was... "Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, I see it you stupid @#$! -WHAT, DO YOU THINK I'M BLIND?"

So the car goes to the mechanic tommorrow... and where GAC goes, I never know for sure.

And you people wonder why I drink?

P.S.- Oh yeah, I almost forgot. I also triesd to call two of my best Redszone buds last night on the way to work for some stress management relief; but they wouldn't answeer their phones. So now, on my way to work I gotta look for my cellphone somewhere on St Route 47! :mooner:

03-31-2005, 09:38 AM
I think Honda make both chainsaws and tractors. :thumbup:

03-31-2005, 09:46 AM
Serenity now GAC! ;)

03-31-2005, 09:47 AM
Dude, that is one sad tale of woe.

03-31-2005, 10:10 AM
I think Honda make both chainsaws and tractors. :thumbup:

I'm going to an auction this Saturday. A local implement store is havng a Spring auction, and they have some nice Stihl chainsaws. I can get a new one for around $150. So I'll see how much lower I might get one at the auction.

My next mower will be a Dixon. ;)

I'm just waiting for the kids to get home today. I told them that they can't do squat until all those limbs are cleaned out ofthe yard. NOTHING! NADA!

03-31-2005, 10:11 AM
Note to self: When you learn how to use your new chainsaw this spring, don't take advice from GAC.

03-31-2005, 10:12 AM
Note to self: When you learn how to use your new chainsaw this spring, don't take advice from GAC.

I'm gonna mess with it some more today when I get up. I'll get it working right. My wife and kids have motivated me. ;)

03-31-2005, 10:31 AM
Gee Poor Guy... you're tired!!

Woman gives birth in car before police pull her over at gunpoint

KETTERING, Ohio (AP) -- A woman rushing to a hospital to give birth hit a few stops along the way -- first at a gas station where she delivered the baby herself, then when confused police ordered her out of the car at gunpoint.

Debbie Coleman, whose 3- and 4-year-old daughters were asleep in the back seat, pulled over at a gas station just after midnight Tuesday.

"I asked if she needed help, and she just leaned back in the seat, hollered a little, and I looked down and there was the baby's head," said station co-owner Lloyd Goff, who was alerted to the emergency at pump No. 7 by a customer.

Goff said Coleman "threw her leg over the steering wheel, groaned once, and the rest of the baby came out.

"She caught that baby, put it to her chest, gave me a look, like, 'I gotta go,' closed the door, put the van in gear and away she went."

A customer at the gas station in suburban Dayton tried to give police a heads-up about Coleman's situation, but a mix-up involving the license plate number had them thinking the van was stolen.

As officers went looking for her, Coleman headed for the hospital, naked below the waist and with the baby boy in her arm. His umbilical cord was still attached.

"I kept pulling over, making sure (the baby) was all right, breathing," she said.

Meanwhile, police had straightened out the license plate issue. But another caller mistakenly reported someone trying to throw a baby from a van.

Coleman said she noticed several cruisers following her before one cut her off. With guns drawn, officers ordered her out of the van with her hands up.

"I opened the door and said, 'I just had a baby' and just let them see everything," she said.

Officers sent Coleman on and let the hospital know she was coming.

Coleman was discharged Wednesday. Her 6-pound, 8-ounce son, Richard Lee Coleman Jr., remained in intensive care.

03-31-2005, 11:16 AM
Question is, did she drive off without paying for the gas? Did she get a Big Gulp for the drive to the hospital?

04-01-2005, 08:44 PM
Me and the kids have had a much better time of it the last two days. I wasn't much help on Thursday due to the fact I was sore as heck from climbing up in that tree, and then having to dig the mower out. My legs were sore as could be.

Today we made great headway. I finally got the chainsaw to work. The tensioner on that thing is very, very touchy. Never seen one work like that. I've worked with chainsaws before; but this one is a trip.

Note to self: DO NOT BUY A CRAFTSMAN! (I'm looking at a Stihl)

But we nailed it pretty good tonight. The kids did an excellent job. I think I scared them straight after that fiasco the other night. They have been very apologetic. My 9 yr old came up and gave me a hug and said he was very sorry for his behavior (I appreciated it).

But after using that saw for the last three hours I can barely raise my arms. I cut a nice pile of fire wood for next winter though.

Now I have to get ready to go into work. ;)

The car situation isn't that bad. I punctured the bottom hose going into the radiator. It'll cost me about $10 for the hose.

The bad news: I wasn't able to save the dogwood tree (wife doesn't know about THAT yet. I'm gonna play dumb - I'm a natural- and blame it on the deer!) :lol:

Gonna hit it again tommorrow! :thumbup:

04-01-2005, 08:49 PM
Safety question - I have some downed trees that I'd like to clean up. How do I cut through a log that's laying flat on the ground without having the chainsaw kick back and cut my face in half?

04-01-2005, 08:50 PM
OMG! I just realized that I'm asking GAC for chainsaw safety lessons. He still hasn't eradicated my mole dilemma!

04-01-2005, 08:55 PM
OMG! I just realized that I'm asking GAC for chainsaw safety lessons. He still hasn't eradicated my mole dilemma!

With a chainsaw in hand, I haven't seen one mole. ;)

I had no problem cutting wood lying flat on the ground. Just make sure your footing is solid (I put one on the wood to hold it down), cut straight (don't have the blade at an angle where it can bind).

Make sure your tension is right (on the saw, not you). ;)

You should be able to grab the chain (while it's not running) and slightly pull it away from the frame (about 1/8 inch).

My yard has slash marks all around (it'll grow back).

04-01-2005, 08:56 PM
Safety question - I have some downed trees that I'd like to clean up. How do I cut through a log that's laying flat on the ground without having the chainsaw kick back and cut my face in half?
move your head quick?