View Full Version : Looks like it's gonna be Euro-Neverland for Jacko...

05-24-2005, 04:53 PM
Providing he isn't busy making license plates, it looks like Michael Jackson will soon have a new residence. Hey, doesn't Roman Polanski have a spare bedroom?

Jacko's Future: He'll Move to Europe

Tuesday, May 24, 2005

By Roger Friedman

Jacko's Future: He'll Move to Europe

Jay Leno testified today in the Michael Jackson child molestation trial; Chris Tucker is expected shortly.

This morning, the Jackson defense team may also present former teachers of the accusing boy and his brother, who will probably not have the nicest things to say about these boys — an opinion shared by many.

With Jackson's trial winding down, every indication is that he will be acquitted, or that the jury will be hung (at least on the issue of child molestation).

One thing looks pretty certain: he won't be convicted. There's too much reasonable doubt.

(Also scheduled for today: a granddaughter of Marlon Brando, and the two youngest Cascio children, siblings of Frank Tyson.)

Sources of mine say that Jackson, who seems disconnected from the world, understands one thing: There will be people who won't be so happy to see him moonwalk out of the Santa Maria courthouse a free man. What will he do?

Those who are in the know tell me that Jackson is already planning an almost instant move to Europe or Africa.

Whether it's temporary or permanent is up in the air, but the pop star knows he has to take a breather from the United States if he wants to rehabilitate his career.

This isn't just some wild speculation. Jackson is serious, and so is everyone around him.

Of course, such a move would be expensive, and there are already reports that he's secretly sold Neverland for $35 million. (My sources deny this is true, but you never know.)

At the rate things are going, Neverland will have to be sold anyway. Jackson can no longer afford the 100-person staff, the zoo, the carnival, the groundskeeping or the exposure.

Such a sale would certainly free him up to go find solitude and solace elsewhere, at least for the time being.

An acquitted Jackson would also raise the question of the future of his recording career. Many people say he has no reasonable expectation of selling records here.

For the moment, they are probably right. But Americans love a comeback, and in five years Jackson's child molestation scandal will be a distant blip on the radar.

In the meantime, Jackson will have to be educated about the realities of the record business circa 2005.

He currently has no recording contract. His insiders agree with my thesis that he still thinks someone, somewhere will offer him "the biggest contract in history."

Those days are over, I'm afraid. If Jackson wises up, he'll start his own record label and get independent distribution.

But where will he go in Europe? There's talk of Paris, and some have said Africa is being mentioned a lot.

Brother Jermaine Jackson spends a lot of time in Saudi Arabia, but Michael a) doesn't like the hot sun and b) doesn't much care for Jermaine.

My money is on Paris or London, where he has legions of fans.

05-24-2005, 05:09 PM
One thing looks pretty certain: he won't be convicted. There's too much reasonable doubt.
"Ladies and gentlemen of the supposed jury, Chef's attorney would certainly want you to believe that his client wrote "Stinky Britches" ten years ago. And they make a good case. Hell, I almost felt pity them myself!

"But ladies and gentlemen of this supposed jury, I have one final thing I want you to consider: Ladies and gentlemen this…is Chewbacca. Chewbacca is a Wookiee from the planet Kashyyyk, but Chewbacca lives on the planet Endor. Now, think about that. That does not make sense! Why would a Wookiee—an eight foot tall Wookiee—want to live on Endor with a bunch of two foot tall Ewoks? That does not make sense!

"But more important, you have to ask yourself, what does this have to do with this case? Nothing. Ladies and gentlemen, it has nothing to do with this case! It does not make sense!

"Look at me, I'm a lawyer defending a major record company, and I'm talkin' about Chewbacca. Does that make sense? Ladies and gentlemen, I am not making any sense. None of this makes sense!

"And so you have to remember, when you're in that jury room deliberating and conjugating the Emancipation Proclamation... does it make sense? No! Ladies and gentlemen of this supposed jury, it does not make sense.

"If Chewbacca lived on Endor, you must acquit! The defense rests."

-The Chewbacca Defense (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chewbacca_Defense)

05-24-2005, 05:26 PM
He'll walk.

05-24-2005, 05:31 PM
I'd recommend Portugal. Its sunny, dirt-cheap and has no extradition treaty with the U.S.

05-24-2005, 05:58 PM
Japan - I bet they still love him there.