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LvJ
08-23-2005, 04:56 PM
Tom Cruise revealed that he was much happier in previous existences and his current life is probably one of the least satisfying he has led.

Scientologist Tom Cruise revealed that he is much older than the forty three years he has spent in his present body.

Tom Cruise noted that he is "old beyond reckoning." What's more, his current life is "probably one of the least satisfying" he has led.

"I was much happier in previous existences when I wrote plays, composed music, conquered nations, discovered continents, and developed cures for diseases," said Tom Cruise.

Cruise said he became aware that he "had been here before," when he read the complete works of Shakespeare in a month, despite being dyslexic, not long after dropping out of high school.

"Shakespeare was deja vu for me," said Tom Cruise. "It was so cool. I felt as if I had seen his words already, knew them all by heart. Then, after I began studying scientology, I realized the words had come from my heart in a previous life. That's why I say that as glorious and enviable as my present life is, making "War of the Worlds" and all those other great movies can't compare to writing "Romeo and Juliet" or the sonnets.

In addition to recognizing his days of future passed in the works of Shakespeare and Bach—and in the achievements of Columbus and Napoleon—Cruise recognizes the continuing reappearance of "Anti-Thetanic forces," such as Matt Lauer and Brooke Shields, with whom he has clashed in former lives. http://toronto.fashion-monitor.com/news.php/Celebrity_Style/2005082202tom_cruise

:bowrofl: http://pichold.com/Images/Smilies/hsughwiggle.gif

pedro
08-23-2005, 05:01 PM
:eek: :laugh: :rolleyes: :bang:

registerthis
08-23-2005, 05:07 PM
Considering that there is some doubt as to whether Shakespeare even existed...well, I'd say there is now some question as to the existence of Tom Cruise's sanity.

KronoRed
08-23-2005, 05:10 PM
I'm Batman

Roy Tucker
08-23-2005, 05:15 PM
It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.

pedro
08-23-2005, 05:24 PM
In addition to recognizing his days of future passed in the works of Shakespeare and Bach—and in the achievements of Columbus and Napoleon—Cruise recognizes the continuing reappearance of "Anti-Thetanic forces," such as Matt Lauer and Brooke Shields, with whom he has clashed in former lives.

What a busy busy boy Tom has been.

REDREAD
08-23-2005, 05:25 PM
That dude needs some serious help. I keep waiting for him to say that all this garbage is a practical joke. It got him some big publicity for awhile, but it's going to hurt his career when everyone thinks he's a nutcase.

flyer85
08-23-2005, 05:27 PM
I have always been amazed by the cultural obsession with celebrity and why people pay attention to what they have to say about anything.

westofyou
08-23-2005, 05:28 PM
I used to be a White Castle.

http://whitecastle.com/_assets/images/company/timeline/1921_image.jpg

REDREAD
08-23-2005, 05:29 PM
What a busy busy boy Tom has been.

Yes, humankind would've really been screwed if Tom never existed in all those previous lives and had such great accomplishments :rolleyes:

RBA
08-23-2005, 05:49 PM
If this was the 1930's, Mr Cruise would be locked up in an asylum and someone would be drilling holes in his head. And than 40 years later someone would make a movie out of the star that ended up crazy.

Johnny Footstool
08-23-2005, 05:55 PM
Cruise is really messed up.

I was Shakespeare.

Reds Nd2
08-23-2005, 06:04 PM
"How come in former lifetimes, everybody is somebody famous? How come nobody ever says they were Joe Schmoe?" - Crash Davis

pedro
08-23-2005, 06:08 PM
I'm Batman

that's nothing

I was bat boy

http://cas.bellarmine.edu/tietjen/Resources/batboy1stcover.JPG

creek14
08-23-2005, 06:14 PM
I'm Sparticus.


Oh and one more thing. Run Katie, run like the wind.

wolfboy
08-23-2005, 06:41 PM
Perhaps this gives us a clue as to what we can expect from our future existences - complete and utter degeneration. If Shakespeare eventually became Tom Cruise, then in a future life, I will be yellow snow. Thank you for killing hope and optimism Tom Cruise.

M2
08-23-2005, 06:57 PM
Considering that there is some doubt as to whether Shakespeare even existed...well, I'd say there is now some question as to the existence of Tom Cruise's sanity.

There's absolutely no doubt whatsoever that Shakespeare existed. Though the thought of a middle class guy being the greatest writer in the history of the English language is an affront to British snobbery, so at times you get bogus claims that he didn't exist (making almost everyone in Elizabethan/Jamesian Britain part of a gigantic conspiracy) or that he was just the front man for a member of the nobility (thoroughly bogus because born British nobility always has been and always will be nothing more than an inbred pap machine).

westofyou
08-23-2005, 07:14 PM
http://www.kirbyjonas.com/images/diorama/Vikings_d1.JPG

In one of my former lives I was a black Viking.

That was cool.

pedro
08-23-2005, 07:18 PM
amazing!

I was Norwegian Poet Tore Ørjasæter

Falls City Beer
08-23-2005, 07:20 PM
There's absolutely no doubt whatsoever that Shakespeare existed. Though the thought of a middle class guy being the greatest writer in the history of the English language is an affront to British snobbery, so at times you get bogus claims that he didn't exist (making almost everyone in Elizabethan/Jamesian Britain part of a gigantic conspiracy) or that he was just the front man for a member of the nobility (thoroughly bogus because born British nobility always has been and always will be nothing more than an inbred pap machine).

Right. In fact, it was bad well-connected writers who added stupid stuff to Shakespeare's plays (the goofy extra witch scenes in Macbeth for instance).

Marlowe, another middle class guy and probably the next best writer of Shakespeare's age, got knifed by royal schemers for his atheism.

KronoRed
08-23-2005, 07:20 PM
I like the teal on that one guy

RBA
08-23-2005, 08:23 PM
In a previous life, I was Fred Garvin.

M2
08-23-2005, 08:26 PM
In a previous life, I was Fred Garvin.

What became of your elaborate set of tresses?

RFS62
08-23-2005, 08:27 PM
Is this for real? Not some sort of Onion spoof or publicity stunt?

GAC
08-23-2005, 08:32 PM
"How come in former lifetimes, everybody is somebody famous? How come nobody ever says they were Joe Schmoe?" - Crash Davis

Exactly! I have always said the same thing. No one ever reveals that they were a serf living in a house of manure, or a poor peasant who died of the Black Plague. Always loved listening to celebs, such as Shirley McLaine, explain their past life experiences. More entertaining then some of their movies. :lol:

RBA
08-23-2005, 08:39 PM
What became of your elaborate set of tresses?

Sold them on Ebay. A fellow by the name of Jeff Gannon bought them. There's a rumor he got them hooked on the mattress in the Lincoln Bedroom.

RedsBaron
08-23-2005, 08:42 PM
I'm Sparticus.


Oh and one more thing. Run Katie, run like the wind.
No, I am Spartacus. ;)
And yes, Katie should flee this nutcase ASAP.

RFS62
08-23-2005, 08:56 PM
Come back to me, Katie. I was Wellington, and I kicked his punk ass at Waterloo.

RedsBaron
08-23-2005, 08:57 PM
Come back to me, Katie. I was Wellington, and I kicked his punk ass at Waterloo. :laugh: Be glad you were not Josephine.

Yachtzee
08-23-2005, 09:45 PM
Perhaps this gives us a clue as to what we can expect from our future existences - complete and utter degeneration. If Shakespeare eventually became Tom Cruise, then in a future life, I will be yellow snow. Thank you for killing hope and optimism Tom Cruise.

Are we not men? We are Devo!

KronoRed
08-23-2005, 09:55 PM
http://www.vh1.com/shows/series/100_greatest/one_hit_wonders/img/devo_main.jpg

marcshoe
08-23-2005, 10:16 PM
There's absolutely no doubt whatsoever that Shakespeare existed. Though the thought of a middle class guy being the greatest writer in the history of the English language is an affront to British snobbery, so at times you get bogus claims that he didn't exist (making almost everyone in Elizabethan/Jamesian Britain part of a gigantic conspiracy) or that he was just the front man for a member of the nobility (thoroughly bogus because born British nobility always has been and always will be nothing more than an inbred pap machine).

Thank you. :thumbup:

CrackerJack
08-23-2005, 10:26 PM
He's not insane, he's pretentious (and probably has puppy love and a mid-life crisis). I don't think he's being literal, he's saying we lead unfulfilling lives compared to our previous generations, in his own pretentious scientoligific way.

http://sportsmed.starwave.com/i/magazine/new/risky_business.jpg

Dudes this existence is like, apalling and unfufilling.

Larkin Fan
08-23-2005, 11:28 PM
The dude needs some serious help.

George Foster
08-24-2005, 12:34 AM
Why is EVERYONE famous or important in previous lives. How come no one says they were a janitor, or a mentally retarded prostitute?

Tom Cruise lost any respect I had for him when he said last month that people should not take drugs...any drugs. He said we should just take care of ourselves and take vitamins. I guess if one of his adopted children that he hardly sees, were a diabetic, he would tell them to do some setups and take a flintstone! What an un-educated freek!

He is a perfect example of someone who surrounds himself with "yes people" and has no one in his life that can tell him to shut-up without being fired.

BoydsOfSummer
08-24-2005, 06:33 AM
Tom Cruise revealed that he was much happier in previous existences and his current life is probably one of the least satisfying he has led.

Oddly enough,he's making my current one less satisfying by cluttering it up with his big head.

RFS62
08-24-2005, 11:46 AM
Has anyone seen this anywhere else? I can't believe that if these quotes are authentic, that it's not all over the web and TV.

REDREAD
08-24-2005, 12:15 PM
In one of my former lives I was a black Viking.

That was cool.

So YOU'RE the one that pillaged my village! :)

registerthis
08-24-2005, 12:16 PM
There's absolutely no doubt whatsoever that Shakespeare existed. Though the thought of a middle class guy being the greatest writer in the history of the English language is an affront to British snobbery, so at times you get bogus claims that he didn't exist (making almost everyone in Elizabethan/Jamesian Britain part of a gigantic conspiracy) or that he was just the front man for a member of the nobility (thoroughly bogus because born British nobility always has been and always will be nothing more than an inbred pap machine).There's no doubt that someone penned all of those works of literature under the name "Shakespeare". Who he actually was (http://news.bbc.co.uk/cbbcnews/hi/find_out/guides/showbiz/shakespeare/newsid_3538000/3538936.stm) though, is in question.

RFS62
08-24-2005, 01:23 PM
I'm starting to have doubts as to whether Tom Cruise really exists.

Could any human be this successful and this big a freak, all at the same time?

I think he's a hoax, perpetrated on us by space aliens. They're laughing their giant green butts off right now.

Little Alex
08-24-2005, 01:33 PM
Has anyone seen this anywhere else? I can't believe that if these quotes are authentic, that it's not all over the web and TV.


Quiet, they're on a roll here.... :D

LvJ
08-24-2005, 03:50 PM
It must be fake. They took the article down. :runaway: