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creek14
11-28-2005, 12:22 PM
As a parent, I am always trying to protect my son from things that might hurt him. Of course, some things we just have to learn the hard way (like don't say you were drafted by a major league team if you weren't).

I learned the hard way not to put on a pull-over sweater when the ceiling fan is on.

Anyone else have any lessons. Anyone. Oldrighthander?

flyer85
11-28-2005, 12:24 PM
Not to intentionally step on bees with your bare feet.

Not to stick your finger in an electrical socket.

Red Leader
11-28-2005, 12:26 PM
You don't tug on Superman's cape
You don't spit into the wind
You don't pull the mask off the old Lone Ranger
And you don't mess around with Jim Coombs, da do da do...

Roy Tucker
11-28-2005, 12:29 PM
Don't call you second wife by your first wife's name.

OldRightHander
11-28-2005, 12:29 PM
Anyone else have any lessons. Anyone. Oldrighthander?

Ok, I'll bite. Kitchen chairs are for sitting on and not standing. Also, don't assume that "nothing" actually means nothing.

flyer85
11-28-2005, 12:32 PM
The answer to "does this make me look overweight"? ... is ALWAYS no.

westofyou
11-28-2005, 12:33 PM
I've learned to ponder the ramifications of the decision to have "Just one more"

rdiersin
11-28-2005, 12:37 PM
To beware when fly fishing in the wind. The hook may come back and hook you in the nose.

And to use barbless hooks.

Blimpie
11-28-2005, 12:40 PM
Never be in TOO big of a hurry to zip up at the urinal...

Red Leader
11-28-2005, 12:44 PM
Don't tell your spouse that her/his Christmas / Birthday / Anniversary present is on lay-away and that they will be getting it "soon".
:dunno:

Reds Nd2
11-28-2005, 01:21 PM
Never, ever, get caught looking at a woman hotter than the one your with.

flyer85
11-28-2005, 01:27 PM
hitting a bullet with a hammer is a bad idea.

919191
11-28-2005, 01:38 PM
Don't wait until you are 8 years into your second marriage before you realize your first wife is still your life insurance beneficiary like I did.

westofyou
11-28-2005, 01:42 PM
hitting a bullet with a hammer is a bad idea.Cutting open a firecracker with a steak knife is too.

flyer85
11-28-2005, 01:44 PM
Don't wait until you are 8 years into your second marriage before you realize your first wife is still your life insurance beneficiary like I did.at least you didn't have to die for your wife to find out.:evil:

redsfan30
11-28-2005, 01:45 PM
Don't wait until you are 8 years into your second marriage before you realize your first wife is still your life insurance beneficiary like I did.
:help:

gonelong
11-28-2005, 01:50 PM
Don't smoke (inhale) cigars on an empty stomach.

Credit card debt is a bad, bad, bad thing.

Bonging beers, ok. Bonging liquor, not ok.

Never tell your buddies you'll "catch up to them" at an OSU homegame, you won't.

Do not attempt to hurdle parking meter after parking meter when you have been drinking heavily.

When climbing out of heavy farm equipment you have been inside of fixing ... make sure the guy on the tractor knows you are getting out so that he doesn't test it out with you in the middle of it.

... and last but not least ...

Look back at your life once in awhile and realize that if you are learning a bunch of things the hard way you ought to do a bit of thinking before doing.

Roy Tucker
11-28-2005, 01:51 PM
Chainsaws, duct tape, a cherry picker, and alcohol are a bad mix.

flyer85
11-28-2005, 01:53 PM
Chainsaws, duct tape, a cherry picker, and alcohol are a bad mix.... so are potato guns and beer.

OldRightHander
11-28-2005, 02:01 PM
Look back at your life once in awhile and realize that if you are learning a bunch of things the hard way you ought to do a bit of thinking before doing.

Or less doing after drinking.

Joseph
11-28-2005, 02:09 PM
Realize when people give you advice, they aren't always just trying to tell you what to do. Sometimes they know what they are talking about.

Danny Serafini
11-28-2005, 03:27 PM
Don't try to shift a 4 speed into 5th. It doesn't work.

15fan
11-28-2005, 03:39 PM
If you are not a handy individual, don't pretend like you are and try to fix things.

Red Leader
11-28-2005, 04:31 PM
If you are not a handy individual, don't pretend like you are and try to fix things.


Oh yeah, thanks 15.

Turn off the main power before working with any electricity.

Puffy
11-28-2005, 05:01 PM
Actual women do not have Adam's apples.

If only I had discovered that tidbit 5 minutes earlier.

SunDeck
11-28-2005, 05:02 PM
Kickback paws on a table saw are a good idea.

Always double check the breaker box before starting electrical work and never trust the circuit labeling on the box door.

Puffy
11-28-2005, 05:45 PM
Drinking a whole bottle of tequila just to get to the worm is not a wise thing.

REDREAD
11-28-2005, 09:23 PM
Always, Always give the post office a forwarding address, even if you're certain that nobody you care about will ever try to contact you at that address. Uncle Sam's collection agency, for example, gets a bit peeved when its mail is not forwarded :lol:

Your parents aren't idiots after all. They're actually right most of the time.

Don't sacrifice too much of your life for the benefit of the coorporation you work for. Chances are that they're going to outsource you in a couple years anyhow, and all that work will be done for naught.

If you have kids, spend as much time as possible with them. Same with your spouse and other family. Time flies.

John Allen is a moron and a liar.

dman
11-28-2005, 09:49 PM
Bungee cords are for tying items down with. I watched Green Berets with John Wayne and decided I wanted to try that scene where they were rapelling. I hooked one end of a bungee cord through my beltloop and the other end to a tree limb and then tried "rapelling". My beltloop snapped and the "s" hook of the bungee cord ripped into my left cheek, narrowly missing my left eye. After 33 stitches to the left cheek, I learned not to do that again.

I was 8 years old BTW.

Yachtzee
11-28-2005, 09:57 PM
"Never get involved in a land war in Asia."

"Never go in with a Sicilian when death is on the line."

"Don't whizz on the electric fence."

"Watch out where the huskies go. Do not eat that yellow snow."

And finally, and a real good one, if you're in real pain, don't try to be the tough guy and "walk it off." Get to the hospital you idiot.

RFS62
11-28-2005, 11:12 PM
This is very important.

Always.....

No, wait.

Never.....


Aw, what the hell.

Johnny Footstool
11-28-2005, 11:54 PM
Tell her you like her.

If she doesn't call back after you leave two messages, she doesn't like you.

SteelSD
11-29-2005, 04:33 AM
-Even if you're sure your head will fit, do not attempt to crawl under an electric fence unless you are certain your ass will too.

-Wonder bras lie.

-If you read comics for fun, do not disclose this early on in a dating relationship. Instead, claim that you collect "pop art" for the "investment potential".

-When your woman asks you a difficult question about her looks/weight/clothes/hair, you have implied permission to lie if necessary. But for God's sake DON'T PAUSE when you do so.

-Trying to cover up the smell of vomit with Brut cologne just makes it smell like vomit and Brut cologne.

-When dating a girl who wants to "save herself for marriage", do NOT ask her if she'd buy a car without a test drive first. For some reason, they don't like that analogy.

cincinnati chili
11-29-2005, 06:48 AM
Don't wait until you are 8 years into your second marriage before you realize your first wife is still your life insurance beneficiary like I did.

Well, at least you didn't die before you found out, right? :)

Edit.... I just noticed I wasn't the first one here to make this exact same comment.

cincinnati chili
11-29-2005, 06:52 AM
Bungee cords are for tying items down with. I watched Green Berets with John Wayne and decided I wanted to try that scene where they were rapelling. I hooked one end of a bungee cord through my beltloop and the other end to a tree limb and then tried "rapelling". My beltloop snapped and the "s" hook of the bungee cord ripped into my left cheek, narrowly missing my left eye. After 33 stitches to the left cheek, I learned not to do that again.

I was 8 years old BTW.

Talk to emergency room doctors, and they'll tell you that hooked-bungee cords should be banned from the marketplace. I took a guy to the emergency room once who about lost his eye using one of these cords for its INTENDED purpose.

It's a common thing.

cincinnati chili
11-29-2005, 06:53 AM
Buy renters or homeowners insurance, and know what your policy covers and does not cover.

GAC
11-29-2005, 07:57 AM
Never be in TOO big of a hurry to zip up at the urinal...

And wait for the shake. ;)

GAC
11-29-2005, 08:11 AM
You will spend all of your time doing one of the two following things: losing something or looking for something that is lost.

Always put the car in Park before exiting the vehicle.

Food, in the hands of a 2 yr old, defies the law of physics when thrown.

Always secure the ladder BEFORE climbing onto a roof.

When jumping your car - make sure the (-) and (+) cables are attached to the appropriate posts on the battery.

Never trust your kid to hold anything for you while you're trying to work on it.

Redsland
11-29-2005, 10:29 AM
This is very important.

Always.....

No, wait.

Never.....


Aw, what the hell.
"Always cite your sources."

:beerme:

flyer85
11-29-2005, 10:35 AM
-Wonder bras lie.... that may be, but finding out is far more than half the fun.

SunDeck
11-29-2005, 11:06 AM
Talk to emergency room doctors, and they'll tell you that hooked-bungee cords should be banned from the marketplace. I took a guy to the emergency room once who about lost his eye using one of these cords for its INTENDED purpose.

It's a common thing.

Reminds me of something I learned the hard way as a firefighter:

Never put your head in line with the recoil of a tensioned rope...



Other things I learned (sometimes I can't believe I'm still alive):

Always cut away from your body.

Never straddle a hoseline (actually, that was another guy).

Always straddle stairs (that one was me, falling into the basement).

LincolnparkRed
11-29-2005, 12:21 PM
Ski resorts give lessons to beginners for a reason.

deltachi8
11-29-2005, 12:35 PM
Strippers really dont find you THAT interesting...

Speed is not just like drinking coffee...

Hate in your heart will consume you...

Tattoos really do hurt....

If you dont really love her, dont say you do...

REDREAD
11-29-2005, 02:45 PM
-Wonder bras lie.


As a big fan of B cups, I'm glad :)

NYMoose
11-29-2005, 03:16 PM
Never use a steak knife to cut another hole in you son's belt. The emergency room folks do not like re-attaching a finger. :cry:

GAC
11-29-2005, 08:10 PM
Never use a steak knife to cut another hole in you son's belt. The emergency room folks do not like re-attaching a finger. :cry:

That could be a thread in and of itself... Emergency Room Stories. ;)

Gainesville Red
11-29-2005, 09:51 PM
If you plan on drinking a lot, have something to eat. Cuts down the chances of puking greatly to have something in your stomach. But if you don't, and you have to puke during the ride home, make your girlfriend stop the car first, cuts down the time you have to spend washing her car the next day. If you can get her to stop in time, you can puke while still wearing your seatbelt, just lean over the side. If you don't you can fall face-first into what used to be inside of you. Talk about learning something the hard way. Freaking Gross.

Reds Nd2
12-26-2005, 12:06 AM
Do tell her you've spent the time apart during the holidays thinking of nothing but her.

Don't tell her that you've spent the time apart, figuring out that Womack will probably have to hit in the neighborhood of .316/.376/.418 and have above the '05 average VORP of 7.1 to be ranked as a Type B free agent, or that you've been pouring over game logs and PBP, trying to figure out if LaRue's passed balls really mean he sucks as a catcher and that he's overpaid.

bucksfan
12-26-2005, 11:35 AM
When using a reciprocating saw to gut a house, do take the time to switch to a more precise and controllable tool if knowlingly cutting near water lines.

Dom Heffner
12-26-2005, 01:54 PM
Before asking to lick the bowl, remember that while they may look the same, pancake batter and cake mix do not taste the same.

WMR
04-23-2007, 04:07 AM
Don't bet the bank on 4 or more players replicating "career years" when formulating a 25 man roster.

HumnHilghtFreel
04-23-2007, 04:20 AM
If it's a "really funny idea," it's probably not a "really good idea."

sonny
04-23-2007, 06:31 AM
Don't think too much on the spot when arguing with your lady. They are always smarter in conflict than you.

Ltlabner
04-23-2007, 06:57 AM
When working in an office setting, do not rely on your buddy, the IT manager to cover up your heavy internet usage all the time. He may get tired of doing it, or perhaps, his boss may ask for a spot check and he has no time to doctor the records for you.

After breaking up with a girl, getting back together "to work things out" almost never works. This typically means you will take her out to dinner a few more times to give her a something to pass the time while she's warming up a new romance. Once you break up, stop calling, talking or "working things out", period.

Do not date the married executive assistant for your company and expect it to work out well.

If your gutters are clogged, fix them. Don't just let them drain over the sides because you weren't in the mood to drag out the extension ladder.

GAC
04-23-2007, 08:05 AM
I'll have to think about this one awhile and get back with ya'

But learning the hard way is really the only way I know how. :mooner:

zombielady
04-23-2007, 08:43 AM
Rarely is a lesson learned, unless learned the hard way...:doh:

vaticanplum
04-23-2007, 06:23 PM
Never drive faster than the car in front of you.

There are two things you can never have too many/much of: books and art.

No matter how poor you are, the one thing you should never skimp on is dental hygiene.

(Those first two are my mother's two rules of living. The third one I added myself.)

and then of course there is my grandmother's famous advice, given to all of us when we were, oh, maybe ten:

Don't talk to boys, because all boys want is a warm place to put it.

Jaycint
04-23-2007, 06:59 PM
Don't talk to boys, because all boys want is a warm place to put it.

Bah! You let out our secret! :D

Falls City Beer
04-23-2007, 07:18 PM
Don't talk to boys, because all boys want is a warm place to put it.

My head in an oven? :mooner:

HumnHilghtFreel
04-23-2007, 07:27 PM
My head in an oven? :mooner:

:laugh:

George Foster
04-23-2007, 10:14 PM
don't fry bacon...nude.

Sean_CaseyRules
04-23-2007, 10:20 PM
Do tell her you've spent the time apart during the holidays thinking of nothing but her.

Don't tell her that you've spent the time apart, figuring out that Womack will probably have to hit in the neighborhood of .316/.376/.418 and have above the '05 average VORP of 7.1 to be ranked as a Type B free agent, or that you've been pouring over game logs and PBP, trying to figure out if LaRue's passed balls really mean he sucks as a catcher and that he's overpaid.

probably my favorite post EVER!

RichRed
04-24-2007, 01:34 PM
Using a steak knife to poke holes in a shower curtain is probably overkill.

texasdave
04-24-2007, 02:37 PM
When entering a freeway ramp never assume the car immediately in front of you has made the same commitment to merge as you have; because when you hit the gas at the same time as they hit the brakes, bad things are almost always the result. BTW, fenders crumple alot more than they bend.

RBA
04-24-2007, 02:58 PM
Never pull a zipper closed without making sure everything is tucked in first.

Yachtzee
04-24-2007, 03:39 PM
Never pull a zipper closed without making sure everything is tucked in first.

You have to be careful with your frank and beans.

rotnoid
04-24-2007, 11:29 PM
Cookie dough ice cream will not become cookies if you bake it.

HumnHilghtFreel
04-24-2007, 11:31 PM
Cookie dough ice cream will not become cookies if you bake it.

Just out of curiosity... were you under the influence of something when you learned this? :laugh:

vaticanplum
04-24-2007, 11:32 PM
You have to be careful with your frank and beans.

Or you could put them in the oven.

guttle11
04-24-2007, 11:35 PM
Or you could put them in the oven.

:help:

rotnoid
04-25-2007, 08:41 AM
Just out of curiosity... were you under the influence of something when you learned this? :laugh:

It wasn't me, but rather my not so intelligent sister in law. In the same month, she also learned the difference between metal cake pans and plastic cake carriers.

creek14
04-30-2007, 08:39 PM
While driving down the interstate at 70 mph and the top down, do not, I repeat, do not decide it's a good time to wash the windshield. :redface:

GoGoWhiteSox
04-30-2007, 09:12 PM
Do not tell your girlfriend when asked, that you look at "adult" material, if you get my drift.;) :thumbdown

sonny
05-01-2007, 04:17 AM
Dont peg your pants....ever

Dom Heffner
05-01-2007, 03:25 PM
Do not tell your girlfriend when asked, that you look at "adult" material, if you get my drift.

You're with the wrong girlfriend. ;)

kbrake
05-01-2007, 03:56 PM
Throwing a baseball with friends is fun. Throwing a baseball with friends after about 12 beers is still fun but leads to many, many bruises the next day.