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View Full Version : Gimme your all-time favorite Seinfeld lines:



max venable
01-22-2006, 04:10 PM
Mine tend to be more obscure. Here's one:

Bubble Boy: That's easy. It was the Moors.

George: Oh noooooo! ...it was the Moops!

max venable
01-22-2006, 04:18 PM
Okay...just thought of another one:

Kramer goes to a fantasy camp. His whole life is a fantasy camp. People should plunk down two-thousand dollars to live like him for a week. Do nothing, fall ass-backwards into money, mooch food off your neighbors, and have sex without dating. That's a fantasy camp. --George

Hap
01-22-2006, 04:37 PM
I don't want a big, flat noodle.

George, there are no jerk stores.

...but then Jerry put a Pez Dispenser on my leg.

TeamCasey
01-22-2006, 06:05 PM
Serenity now!

Spongeworthy (One of my favorite episodes)

Jerry:, 'But the question is, are you still master of your domain?'
Elaine:, 'I'm queen of the county.'

WMR
01-22-2006, 06:30 PM
Take The Pen!!

paintmered
01-22-2006, 06:31 PM
"It will always be Myanmar to me."

Elaine: "It shrinks?"
Jerry: "Like a freightened turtle."

Elaine: "I've yada yada sexed."

deltachi8
01-22-2006, 06:45 PM
Jerk Store

reds44
01-22-2006, 06:50 PM
No soup for you!

gonelong
01-22-2006, 07:06 PM
Look away, I'm hideous! - Kramer

Either my neighbor or I will say this everytime we get together to smoke cigars.

GL

GAC
01-22-2006, 08:15 PM
I was in the pool!

But are you the master of your domain?

A Festivus for the rest of us

Women go after doctors like men go after models. They want someone with knowledge of the body. We just want the body.

You could do your taxes in the time it takes me to have an orgasm.

I think we really need to be in front of the television set. You take TV out of this relationship, it is just torture.

I'm Cosmo Kramer, the Assman!

It went straight to video. That makes me the premiere.

Red in Chicago
01-22-2006, 08:22 PM
maybe the dingo ate your baby:eek:

Red in Chicago
01-22-2006, 08:23 PM
i'm a marine biologist;)

Reds Freak
01-22-2006, 09:58 PM
Jerry: You have no idea what an idiot is...

George: Is that right? I just threw away a life time of guilt free sex and floor seats for every sporting event at Madison square gardens. So please... a little respect... for I am Costanza, Lord of the Idiots.

max venable
01-22-2006, 10:05 PM
KRAMER: Hewwo and welcome to Movie phone. If you know the name of the
movie you'd like to see, press one.

GEORGE: Come on. Come on.

KRAMER: Using your touch-tone keypad, please enter the first three
letters of the movie title, now.

(George presses 3 keys)

KRAMER: You've selected ... Agent Zero? If that's correct, press one.

GEORGE: What?

KRAMER: Ah, you've selected ... Brown-Eyed Girl? If this is correct,
press one.

(George looks baffled)

KRAMER: Why don't you just tell me the name of the movie you've
selected.

RFS62
01-22-2006, 11:16 PM
Costanza: The sea was angry that day my friend, like an old man trying to send back soup at a deli.

pedro
01-23-2006, 01:28 AM
Hello Neuman.

MrCinatit
01-23-2006, 05:36 AM
"He took it out."
"Well...maybe it needed to breath."

"It's a game of world domination, being played by two men who can't even control their own lives."

(Jerry, talking to a telephone salesman)"Hey, listen, I'm really busy right now, so how about if you give me your home phone number, and I can call you. Oh. You don't like to be bothered at home? Well, now you know how I feel." (hangs up the phone).

"Oh, I see...just because I'm the dumb doorman, I MUST be reading the sports page."

"They're real...and they're fabulous."

"...Mulva?"

"We were just told you were making out while seeing Schindler's List."
"...Newman!"

"Well, I'm out."
"Already?"

919191
01-23-2006, 09:04 AM
I drive them to lesbianism, and he brings 'em back!" George referring to Kramer.

max venable
01-23-2006, 09:39 AM
Wood is good, Jerry. --Kramer

Hollcat
01-23-2006, 11:50 AM
I had to plunk him - Kramer about pitching at the Yankees fantasy camp

You wouldn't eat brocoli if it was deep fried in chocolate sauce -Jerry to Newman.

Vile weed - Newman as he spit out the brocoli.

LincolnparkRed
01-23-2006, 01:17 PM
If you look annoyed all the time, people think you're busy" - George Costanza It makes the workday more bearable.

pedro
01-23-2006, 05:29 PM
These pretzels are making me thirsty.

max venable
01-23-2006, 05:53 PM
These pretzels are making me thirsty.
Yes! This one makes my list, too!

GAC
01-23-2006, 08:08 PM
I had to plunk him - Kramer about pitching at the Yankees fantasy camp

You wouldn't eat brocoli if it was deep fried in chocolate sauce -Jerry to Newman.

Vile weed - Newman as he spit out the brocoli.

I still laugh uncontrollably watching his reaction as he spits that out! :lol:

If relationship George walks through that door, he will kill independent George Jerry! A George divided cannot stand!

RFS62
01-23-2006, 08:10 PM
I still laugh uncontrollably watching his reaction as he spits that out! :lol:

If relationship George walks through that door, he will kill independent George Jerry! A George divided cannot stand!



Yeah, the inside of the plate belongs to Kramer...

"Hey! I thought you weren't coming back 'til Monday!?"
"Well, the camp ended a few days early."
"Why?"
"Well, there was an incident."
"What happened?"
"I punched Mickey Mantle in the mouth."
"What!?"
"Yeah, I punched him and they took him to the hospital and then they cancelled the rest of the week."
"You punched *who* in the mouth?"
"Mickey Mantle."
"What happened?"
"Well, you know, we were playin' a game and I was pitching and I was really throwin' some smoke. And uh, Joe Pepitone, he was up and man, that guy... he was crowding the plate!"
"Wow... Joe Pepitone!"
"Yeah, well, Joe Pepitone or not, I own the inside of that plate! So I throw one inside, a little chin music... put him right on his pants, because I got to intimidate when I'm on the mound. Well, the next pitch, he's right back in the same place! So.... I had to plunk him."
"You plunked him?"
"Oh yeah. Well, he throws down his bat, he comes racing up to the mound, next thing both benches are cleared, a brouhaha breaks out between the guys in camp and the old Yankee players, and as I'm trying to get Moose Skowron off one of my teammates, somebody pulls me from behind and I turned around and I *popped* him! I look down and, whoa man! It's Mickey! I punched his lights out! Then Hank Bauer's screaming 'Mickey! Mickey! What have you have done with Mickey?! You killed Mickey!'"
"So what did you do?"
"I got the hell outta there!"

GAC
01-24-2006, 09:15 AM
Yeah, the inside of the plate belongs to Kramer...

"Hey! I thought you weren't coming back 'til Monday!?"
"Well, the camp ended a few days early."
"Why?"
"Well, there was an incident."
"What happened?"
"I punched Mickey Mantle in the mouth."
"What!?"
"Yeah, I punched him and they took him to the hospital and then they cancelled the rest of the week."
"You punched *who* in the mouth?"
"Mickey Mantle."
"What happened?"
"Well, you know, we were playin' a game and I was pitching and I was really throwin' some smoke. And uh, Joe Pepitone, he was up and man, that guy... he was crowding the plate!"
"Wow... Joe Pepitone!"
"Yeah, well, Joe Pepitone or not, I own the inside of that plate! So I throw one inside, a little chin music... put him right on his pants, because I got to intimidate when I'm on the mound. Well, the next pitch, he's right back in the same place! So.... I had to plunk him."
"You plunked him?"
"Oh yeah. Well, he throws down his bat, he comes racing up to the mound, next thing both benches are cleared, a brouhaha breaks out between the guys in camp and the old Yankee players, and as I'm trying to get Moose Skowron off one of my teammates, somebody pulls me from behind and I turned around and I *popped* him! I look down and, whoa man! It's Mickey! I punched his lights out! Then Hank Bauer's screaming 'Mickey! Mickey! What have you have done with Mickey?! You killed Mickey!'"
"So what did you do?"
"I got the hell outta there!"


That is a classic! The other is with Keith Hernandez and the spit/Kennedy assasination analogy.... "That was one magic loogey!"

Also...

"No Pick! No Pick!"

"If we pick, do we not bleed?!"

George: Was there any nostril penetration?
Jerry: Well, maybe - incidental. But she was in no position to tell.
George: I don't understand what the big deal is anyway. You don't think Moses, after wandering in the desert with all that sand and dry heat for 40 years wasn't, you know, tempted to clean house?

And thanks for turning me on to "Curb Your Enthusiam". That guy was the brains behind Seinfeld for sure.

Chip R
01-26-2006, 04:39 PM
"Although one wonders if 'War and Peace' would has been as highly acclaimed as it was if it was published under it's original name 'War---What Is It Good For.'"

"At that moment, I was a marine biologist"

"Your face is my case."

"They're real and they're spectacular."

Matt700wlw
01-26-2006, 05:26 PM
George is at a party, eating potato chips and dip. He double dips....

Guy: "You double dipped a chip!"

George: "Double dipped....what are you talking about?"

Guy: "You dipped your chip, you took a bite....and you dipped again..."

George: "so.."

Guy: "That's like putting your whole mouth in the dip!! Next time just take one dip and end it!!!!"

Matt700wlw
01-26-2006, 05:31 PM
"It's not you, it's me."

Tony Cloninger
01-26-2006, 05:43 PM
I am going to see Dr. Van Nostrom, noted dermatologist, about the mole in my back.

The episode where George tried to airbrush himself out of the photo with his new boss.

The episode where Jerry is grilled by Newman at the post office, as if he was an FBI agent, for messing with a stereo.

The episode where George pretends he is disabled...in order to get his own bathroom at work.

"It's a bunker mentality here Jerry."

GAC
01-26-2006, 07:31 PM
The only thing between him and us is a thin layer of gaberdine.

BoydsOfSummer
01-26-2006, 07:52 PM
"I'm flippin',I'm floppin'...I'm all over the place,Jerry!!" -Kramer

oneupper
01-27-2006, 09:29 AM
"I'm NOT gay!...Not that there's anything wrong with that."

Boss-Hog
01-27-2006, 09:41 AM
LIPPMAN: Uh, excuse me. Are you uh, selling this Indian?

KRAMER: Oh yeah, yeah.

LIPPMAN: Uh, I'm just uh, redecorating my office in a south-western motif and this'd be perfect. Give you five hundred dollars for it?

KRAMER: Giddyup.

LIPPMAN: Yeah? Could you help me bring it up to my office, I'm right next door. Pendant Publishing.

KRAMER: Pendant Publishing? Giddyup again.

GAC
01-27-2006, 07:26 PM
I just watched the one with Poppy

"POPPY PEE'D ON MY COUCH!"

I thought the storyline/ananlogy showing the pro & cons over abortion versus making a pizza was hilarious.

"Itsa not a pizza until it comes outa the oven!" :lol:

alex trevino
01-28-2006, 11:57 PM
George buys some fruit for Kramer and seeks to be reinbursed.

George "You owe me $75"

Kramer : "I don't carry a wallet"

George : "You don't carry a wallet? How do you get by?"

Kramer: "Oh, I get by" :bowrofl:

Cooper
01-29-2006, 01:22 PM
boss: we gotta let you go.
kramer: but i don't even work here.
boss: that's what makes this so hard.

btw, larry david and jerry have an awful lot of the same mannerisms. if you eve get the chance to watch larry david and think of jerry -you'll see that they both shared things from each other in a big way.

MrCinatit
01-29-2006, 06:10 PM
"It's not you, it's me."

"You're using the 'It's not you, it's me' bit on me?"
"I'm sorry George."
"I INVENTED 'It's not you, it's me'! If there's anything wrong, it's me."
"Okay, it's you."
"You're right it's me!"

StillFunkyB
01-29-2006, 10:35 PM
Nor rain, nor sleet, nor snow...

IT'S THE FIRST ONE!!!

GAC
01-30-2006, 03:14 AM
I bought the DVD series (what is now available). The "extras" where they have interviews and such is really good. They have one where there is a conversation between Jason Alexander and Larry David about the George character. Alexander, since the show ended, was expressing his dislike for George because it has kinda typecast him, and people don't realize that he is a very good actor (stage and musicals). They cast Alexander as George because they wanted a strong actor to "complement" the weak acting of Jerry Seinfeld.

Anyway, He was going off about George and saying all types of things, like the guy was the biggest jerk he had ever seen, and that no one could ever be like that. David shots back.... "I WAS GEORGE!" :lol:

I've just started watching David" "Curb Your Enthusiam". IMO, he was the "brains" behind Seinfeld.