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Redsland
01-30-2006, 12:44 PM
The Reds Report
By Redsland, for Redsland

Castellini, Ungagged
Promises fans “passion,” proves it with sensuous open-mouth kiss to Hal McCoy.
“Impatient” owner waited three months, got unanimous approval after owners’ luncheon by holding aloft “the antidote.”
XU trustee returns for Shootout, heralds new beginning for Reds, beginning of end for Bearcats.
Hometown ownership “critical” as Hyde Park resident wrests control from Indian Hill outlander.
At GAB, hands-on owner won’t stop touching thermostat.
Mrs. Castellini’s embroidered pillow a plush cry for help?

O’Brien Fired
Produce king cans GM.
Weak link who spent a year “getting to know everyone” spotted on boss’s second day.
Machado boat purchase put on hold.
Told to clean out his desk, former GM estimates task could take “several years.”
Former GM to interview with Texas Roadhouse.

Front Office News
Kullman calls all 29 GMs, asks if their refrigerators are running.
Prospective minority partner a minority with a group of minority owners, a majority of whom are also minorities.
Beattie, hired to assess pitching “soup to nuts,” finishes before soup arrives.
GM candidate Antonetti waives self.

Reds Notes
Dunn broke hand twice last year, agent says he “can’t grip a pen.”
Former Reds to inspire team at spring training include Soto, Browning, Aurilia, Hammond.
Nuxhall back to booth; Stewart “won’t have a full-time job handed to him.”
Freel charges dropped when witnesses couldn’t remember anything the next day.
Paul Wilson throwing without pain, velocity, movement.

World Baseball Classic
WBC denies 10-run mercy rule designed specifically for Vietnam’s Danny Graves.
A-Rod agrees to play for U.S. team with Jeter, asked to switch nationalities.
Brand extension to result in confusing New World Baseball, Diet World Baseball, and World Baseball Zero.

Around the League
Ishii to Japan.
“Reformed” Denny Neagle fined for solicitation, slides one dollar at a time under Clerk of Courts window while humming “The Thong Song.”
Danny Graves offends Vietnamese hosts with scandalous thumbs-up gesture.

:)

KronoRed
01-30-2006, 12:51 PM
Nice work :lol:

KittyDuran
01-30-2006, 01:19 PM
Castellini, Ungagged
Promises fans “passion,” proves it with sensuous open-mouth kiss to Hal McCoy.HEY! I'm eating lunch ya know...:p:

KittyDuran
01-30-2006, 01:23 PM
Reds Notes
Dunn broke hand twice last year, agent says he “can’t grip a pen.”
Former Reds to inspire team at spring training include Soto, Browning, Aurilia, Hammond.
Nuxhall back to booth; Stewart “won’t have a full-time job handed to him.”
Freel charges dropped when witnesses couldn’t remember anything the next day.
Paul Wilson throwing without pain, velocity, movement.
And I just LOST my lunch!:laugh:

Caveat Emperor
01-30-2006, 01:26 PM
Produce king cans GM.

Now that's NY Post worthy! :laugh:

RFS62
01-30-2006, 01:50 PM
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

RedsBaron
01-30-2006, 01:58 PM
:thumbup: Loved it! I can believe that it would take DanO several years to clean out his desk.:laugh:

RFS62
01-30-2006, 01:59 PM
:thumbup: Loved it! I can believe that it would take DanO several years to clean out his desk.:laugh:



Yeah, there's no way he'd just dump everything in a box. He'd have to organize it first. Sort by catagory and stuff.

BCubb2003
01-30-2006, 02:55 PM
It's this kind of material that will have the Reds execs hanging out here all the time...

RFS62
01-30-2006, 03:02 PM
It's this kind of material that will have the Reds execs hanging out here all the time...


Yep, and as much as I'd like to have them here, I'd prefer reading The Reds Report if I have to make a choice.

KronoRed
01-30-2006, 03:15 PM
Yep, and as much as I'd like to have them here, I'd prefer reading The Reds Report if I have to make a choice.
Word.

traderumor
01-30-2006, 03:21 PM
It's this kind of material that will have the Reds execs hanging out here all the time...I'm not sure what would be personally objectionable or offensive. If they cannot laugh at themselves...

BCubb2003
01-30-2006, 03:31 PM
I have a feeling they'd think it's a hoot, and they'd realize that they're dealing with some sharp and entertaining baseball minds, not the online adolescent version of the Banana Phone.

traderumor
01-30-2006, 03:51 PM
I have a feeling they'd think it's a hoot, and they'd realize that they're dealing with some sharp and entertaining baseball minds, not the online adolescent version of the Banana Phone.
Assuming you are being sarcastic, but isn't this the same kind of stuff you write? My apologies in advance if I'm reading it wrong.

BCubb2003
01-30-2006, 03:58 PM
Sorry... actually, I'm not being sarcastic at all. I love what Redsland does and I think any baseball exec worth talking to would enjoy it too. It's a good test, in fact, of an exec's openness to sharp and savvy baseball talk. It's mlb.com forums and the old cincinnati.com days that turn them off to opening up online. We have our moments of contentiousness, too, but rarely, and I'm optimistic the Reds execs will see RedsZone as exactly the place they ought to be talking baseball in.

traderumor
01-30-2006, 04:10 PM
Sorry... actually, I'm not being sarcastic at all. I love what Redsland does and I think any baseball exec worth talking to would enjoy it too. It's a good test, in fact, of an exec's openness to sharp and savvy baseball talk. It's mlb.com forums and the old cincinnati.com days that turn them off to opening up online. We have our moments of contentiousness, too, but rarely, and I'm optimistic the Reds execs will see RedsZone as exactly the place they ought to be talking baseball in.OK, my fault, think Emily Latella.

Tony Cloninger
01-30-2006, 04:12 PM
Is this the Reds "Onion" Report?

Great stuff.

Could have used this on Bengals side from 1991-2003.

Mike Brown says team 1 player away, every year, advises that 1 player is Superman.

Eric_Davis
01-31-2006, 05:24 PM
Who needs the Enquirer when you've got the "Reds Report"?

Excellent headlines.

Better than the real thing.