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Redsland
02-22-2006, 09:46 AM
The Reds Report
By Redsland, for Redsland

Adam Dunn Gets Multi-Year Pact
Two years plus option and incentives totaling $34 million means former UT scholarship dropout could earn as much in three years as a Big 12 quarterback.
Source: Young slugger watched some pretty good offers go by before finally pulling trigger.
Option year voids if traded, proving power hitter not paid to walk.

Josh Hancock Released
With 62 players in camp, Jerry Narron begins to trim the fat.
Warned to get self ready to compete this season, pitcher eyed blustery Cincinnati April, packed on 17 insulating pounds of blubber; far short of goal.
“No truth” to rumor Hancock cut after teammates complained about huge autographs he placed on team pictures, memorabilia.

Moses’ Exodus
Wishing to spend more time with family, former first base coach John Moses departs the red C.
Team reluctantly accepts after Moses threatens to turn Ohio River to blood, swarm Wily Mo Pena with flies, kill careers of all first-round males.
HR department ordered to strike Moses’ name from all rosters and directories.

Hatcher New 1B Coach
Former Piniella staffer surprised to learn first base not usually located in short right field.
Outfield, baserunning coach responsible for the fundamentals; co-candidate, bunting coach Ed Napoleon responsible for the little things; big things still expected to take care of selves.
Early favorite Ken Griffey Sr. eliminated after arriving at interview 28 pounds over requested weight.

Reds Notes
Bong hits waiver wire; Reds hold breath as league passes.
Paul Wilson rehab on track, now throwing at 90%; last season he worked around 82-84%, touched 86.
Krivsky rushes to get emergency passport after learning of Castellini’s off-shore “scouting trips.”
County, Port of Cincinnati face questions after outsourcing ticket-taker concession to scalpers.

In Sarasota
Castellini demotes Terry Reynolds beneath Chris Buckley, takes Reynolds’ Sarasota corner office, tells him to “go scout me up some coffee.”
Closer David Weathers extends healthy finger, immediately released by team.
Noted “hard workers” Aurilia, Womack, Pena among last to arrive.
Fundamentally inept team lauds end of two-a-days.

Around the League
Albert Belle arrested for stalking ex-girlfriend with GPS device; cornered her in bar wearing rainbow wig, Groucho glasses.
Degenerate hip condition may have spread to rest of body.
Sammy Sosa, Barry Bonds talk of retirement, getting away from it all, starting new life together.
Commissioner Bud Selig declares World Baseball Classic a tie.

:)

Crosley68
02-22-2006, 09:55 AM
Fantastic.....great way to start the day. Thanks

KronoRed
02-22-2006, 11:32 AM
Thanks :lol:

gonelong
02-22-2006, 01:36 PM
The Reds Report
By Redsland, for Redsland

... coach John Moses departs the red C.

Former Piniella staffer surprised to learn first base not usually located in short right field.

Bong hits waiver wire; Reds hold breath as league passes.



Nice work.

GL

Chip R
02-22-2006, 01:37 PM
Hatcher New 1B Coach
Former Piniella staffer surprised to learn first base not usually located in short right field.


I had to think about that one for a while. Now I get it. :lol:

Redsland
02-22-2006, 01:47 PM
I had to think about that one for a while.
Sorry about that, Chip.

:D

BoydsOfSummer
02-22-2006, 02:32 PM
Best one yet. John Moses departs red C....freakin' classic.

RFS62
02-22-2006, 04:57 PM
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

KittyDuran
02-22-2006, 09:06 PM
Best one yet. John Moses departs red C....freakin' classic.Call me dense... but I didn't get that one right away but I did get this one quickly:


Former Piniella staffer surprised to learn first base not usually located in short right field.