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Redsland
03-06-2006, 06:15 PM
The Reds Report
By Redsland, for Redsland

The Games Begin
Dave Williams, eager to get out of Sean Casey’s shadow, puts five runs on the board in the first inning; notes “Sean never did that.”
12-4 exhibition against Korean Kia Tigers called after five innings when North Korean mini-sub spotted near post-game spread.
Edwin Encarnacion hits three homeruns in two days; Narron calls budding slugger’s pop “too valuable off the bench” to start.

In Sarasota
Fifth-place Reds, sixth-place Pirates considering joint facility; possible names include The Apathenium, The Boredome.
Japanese League star Tuffy Rhodes last to arrive; insider gripes, “he must have Sarasota confused with Fukuyama.”
Griffey, governor play round of golf; rest of team, president play round of Putt-Putt.
Adam Dunn gets drop on Kid, Jeb near seventh green; brief stare down precedes epic paintball volley.

Health News
Bergolla hernia actually a “high groin strain;” also, Milton’s degenerative knee condition now a “charlie horse.”
Ryan Wagner hits 101 on the thermometer.
Eric Milton scratched from first two starts; just 34 to go.

Reds Notes
Aurilia asks glove rep for 1B, 2B, 3B, SS models, plus an elegant elbow-length pair and clutch bag for evenings out.
Bench speaks at team dinner before first workout; hungry tablemates disappointed to see him holding all seven rolls in one hand.
Team officials meet with veterans, clarify their roles; surprising number are “comic relief.”
Narron makes “air quotes,” says Womack/Aurilia second base job will go to the last “man” standing.

Around the League
First woman elected to HoF; declares place “filthy,” throws out old boxes of cards and other “junk.”
WBC: Yankess sign apologizes to fans disappointed by missing stars, proofreader.
Pokey Reese’s agent calls Marlins, says he, Carmen San Diego are fine.
Resurgent Milwaukee adds Dan O’Brien, Jason Romano, drinks hemlock, shoots foot, runs with scissors.
Jeff Bagwell demonstrates health to Astros by fully extending middle finger.

:)

KronoRed
03-06-2006, 06:27 PM
:clap:

Eric_Davis
03-06-2006, 06:33 PM
Dude, I'm not even half-way through, but this always makes me laugh. Thanks.

Especially loved, "12-4 exhibition against Korean Kia Tigers called after five innings when North Korean mini-sub spotted near post-game spread."

Can never get enough laughs.

oneupper
03-06-2006, 07:00 PM
When I think RedsLand can't top himself...comes another hilarious report!

RedsManRick
03-06-2006, 07:16 PM
Wow... just wow. Awesome stuff Redsland. :rockband:

RedsBaron
03-07-2006, 07:46 AM
Dave Williams, eager to get out of Sean Casey’s shadow, puts five runs on the board in the first inning; notes “Sean never did that.”

Edwin Encarnacion hits three homeruns in two days; Narron calls budding slugger’s pop “too valuable off the bench” to start.


Aurilia asks glove rep for 1B, 2B, 3B, SS models, plus an elegant elbow-length pair and clutch bag for evenings out.
Bench speaks at team dinner before first workout; hungry tablemates disappointed to see him holding all seven rolls in one hand.
Team officials meet with veterans, clarify their roles; surprising number are “comic relief.”

Jeff Bagwell demonstrates health to Astros by fully extending middle finger.

:)
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: I particularly liked those.:thumbup: :thumbup:

Yachtzee
03-07-2006, 09:29 PM
Bench speaks at team dinner before first workout; hungry tablemates disappointed to see him holding all seven rolls in one hand.


I don't know why, but this one actually made me "snort."

Chip R
03-08-2006, 10:32 AM
I don't know why, but this one actually made me "snort."

Me too.

RFS62
03-08-2006, 02:38 PM
When I think RedsLand can't top himself...comes another hilarious report!



Yep, he's one funny man.

:beerme: