View Full Version : The Brushback's NL Preview

03-11-2006, 02:30 PM

OK, so they didn't have a lot of good stuff to say about the Reds or Cincinnati (to put it mildly), but it's an entertaining read. Warning: there's some light profanity, nothing major.

My favorite parts.
On the Braves:

The Braves have a lot of new faces and a few untested players, but that shouldn’t stop them from falling just short this year.
On the Mets:

With a rotation of Pedro Martinez, Aaron Heilman, Tom Glavine, and Victor Zambrano, the Mets know they have 2 pitchers they can count on to win some games for them.
On the Cardinals:

They signed Sidney Ponson, who is hoping to rebound from his entire career to have a good 2006.
On the Astros:

The team’s weakness is its starting lineup, which is unfortunate because starting lineups are important parts of baseball teams.
On the Pirates:

Manager Jim Tracy said that losing is “unacceptable,” which means they’re still going to lose but now they're not going to accept it, for what that’s worth.
On the Cubs:

Kerry Wood may not be ready in time for opening day. That sentence should be engraved on a plaque on the wall of the manager's office at Wrigley Field.

Mark Prior was dangled as trade bait in the offseason for shortstop Miguel Tejada, probably because the Cubs would prefer someone who is actually good, rather than someone who is theoretically good.
On the Diamondbacks:

The D’Backs acquired Javier Vazquez and Troy Glaus last year in an aggressive push to finish fourth in their division, which went horribly wrong when they actually finished second. Consequently both players are gone.

The weakness of this team lies in its starting rotation. Jesus, who assembled this group, Corky? OK, Brandon Webb is serviceable. Miguel Batista is a fine poet and plays a mean wood flute, but he’s not much of a pitcher. Oh, and the less said about Russ Ortiz the better. Welcome to Loserville, people. Population: the entire D’backs pitching staff.

03-11-2006, 02:55 PM
Nasty is right! My comments are bolded.

Cincinnati Reds
N/A [Offense?]

If there’s a more spineless city in North America than Cincinnati, I haven’t seen it. [What the .... does that mean?]

Question mark:
Ken Griffey Jr has yet to fulfill the potential he had when he was acquired by the Reds a few years ago. But that’s OK. It’s better to have a slow, steady ascent to greatness than to blow up too fast. [I guess he hasn't been watching the WBC]

Adam Dunn will strike out 5 times before you finish reading this sentence. [Ugh!]

Edd Roush
03-11-2006, 03:00 PM
Huh, I don't understand the sentiment of Cincinnati being spineless, if some one would like to enlighten me, that would be much appreciated.

BTW, I have no idea how an offense which scored an NL leading 820 runs can not be considered a strength.

Plus, how can a pitching staff that gave up a whopping 889 runs not be considered a weakness.

Reading about the Reds in that article= a waste of my time.

03-11-2006, 03:27 PM
Considering his bash on Dunn I'm guessing he doesn't see the O as a strength because we don't manafature runs.

03-11-2006, 03:40 PM
its supposed to be a joke. the fact that the author is so ignorant and ill-informed is part of the joke

03-11-2006, 04:17 PM
He's not actually being serious, guys.

Methinks he wrote "N/A" on Strengths to exaggerate the fact that he doesn't think the Reds will be a good team. I'm sure he realizes they lead the league in offense last season.

I don't think he actually believes Kaz Matsui and Jose Reyes "couldn't turn a double play if you spotted them an out", or that the Silver Slugger award winners are drawn out of a hat each year.

03-11-2006, 04:34 PM
Whoever wrote that article is a true idiot. How is our strength N/A? And what the hell does the sentence in weakness mean?

03-11-2006, 04:35 PM
Oh I see. It's a joke. Thanks for clearing that up tt1stros and yo2255.

03-11-2006, 05:34 PM
Well it's really not very funny. Not very funny at all.

To me, it just makes the author look dumb. If it's a joke, why not say so. Had I known, I might have been able to see the humor in it... maybe.

03-11-2006, 05:40 PM
I agree. Somebody should send them some of Redsland's, or BCubb's work and they can just paste it into the reds section next time.

03-11-2006, 05:43 PM
If he was trying to be humorous, he failed miserably. And I am one who appreciates good satire.

03-11-2006, 05:48 PM
maybe he didnt think he had to preface something that was so obviously a joke with "this is a joke"

03-11-2006, 05:52 PM
All of his comments about Cincinnati and the Reds are more in line with 'stupid' than 'haha, what a funny joke.'

If you're looking to make fun of the Reds in an article, there's A LOT of material to work with. LOL, what he came up with is pretty lame, IMO.

03-11-2006, 05:57 PM
i guess its all in the eye of the beholder. non-reds fans seemed to get a kick out of the Reds entry, based on the other message boards i've been on

03-11-2006, 06:14 PM
If it makes you feel any better I didn't find any of it particularly witty. Not just the part about the Reds.
This stuff (http://www.redszone.com/forums/showpost.php?p=899256&postcount=1) I find to be enormously funny though.

Edd Roush
03-11-2006, 06:35 PM
I agree Ochre. Wow, I didn't read that fine work of Redsland. Of all things to make fun of, how do you not make fun of Eric Milton and the rest of the pitching staff.

03-11-2006, 10:50 PM
Maybe I'm being too sensitive.... it's kind of like someone calling your sister a b****. It's okay for me to do it, but no one else better!

Seriously though, the Reds have a lot of things wrong and I don't like them being the butt of someone's supposed jokes, especially other team's fans.

When you're a fan of a pretty good team, it's easier to swallow. But when you're not, it's very difficult to find the humor in someone saying your team has not even one strength when, in truth, offense is probably about the only thing a Reds fan has to brag about.

Plus, I don't find the humor in the insult to the city that I choose to live in. That's just tacky.

03-11-2006, 10:55 PM
Huh, I don't understand the sentiment of Cincinnati being spineless, if some one would like to enlighten me, that would be much appreciated.

My guess on the spineless is more a lack of identity. Cincinnati is caught between trying to be St. Louis and Newport (Ky).

I get kinda queasy when I hear the Who Dey stuff.....I have always thought that was really weak.....I mean, is that supposed to be cajin? And for years, Riverfront was NOT allowed to have ANYTHING that showed who played in it....no color, no signage, just concrete and faded plastic seats.

Then you have a billiion dollars in stadiums and empty lots between them with the poor Underground Railroad museum sitting like a lonely duck. It's like the city spent a BILLION dollars to build stadiums but wouldn't buck up the extra dollars to finish the park in between them (and/or parkaging garages).

This is not a knock, so don't start telling me I am a bad person.....I am just trying to explain how it looks from 2500 miles away. I am sure that everything I have said has a logical and sensible LOCAL explanation. But most everybody else outside of Cincy doesn't read the local newspaper.

03-11-2006, 10:59 PM
I still don't see what that has to do with being a "spineless" city.

03-11-2006, 11:11 PM
TB, I explained that the author used the wrong adjective.

Anyway, I read the whole article and the author doesn't have command of too many words that aren't four letters long. He seems to think that NOBODY will win anything this year.