View Full Version : Your favorite lines from MAJOR LEAGUE

max venable
03-20-2006, 09:31 AM
It's almost baseball season. Maybe this is a good time to revisit some of our favorite lines from one of our favorite baseball flicks: Major League.

Post 'em here.

Here are a few of mine:

Heywood: How's your wife and my kids?

Jake: Hell of a situation we got here. Two on, two out, your team down a run and you've got the chance to be the hero on national television... if you don't blow it. Saw your wife last night. Great little dancer. That guy she was with? I'm sure he's a close personal friend, but tell me, what was he doing with her panties on his head?
[batter pops the ball straight up]
Jake: Uh-oh, Rexie, I don't think this one's got the distance.

Charlie Donovan: How would you like to manage the Indians this year?
Lou Brown: Gee, I don't know...
Charlie Donovan: What do you mean, you don't know? This is your chance to manage in the big leagues.
Lou Brown: Let me get back to you, will ya, Charlie? I got a guy on the other line asking about some white walls.

03-20-2006, 09:40 AM
Yo bartender! Jobu needs a refill!

Red Leader
03-20-2006, 09:52 AM
This guy threw at his own son in a father son game.

Harry Doyle: [before the playoff game] Monty, anything to add?
Colorman: Ummm... no.
Harry Doyle: He's not the best colorman in the league for nothing, folks!

Johnny Footstool
03-20-2006, 10:09 AM
Fan #1: Too high!
Fan #2: "Too high"? What does that mean? "Too high"?

03-20-2006, 10:14 AM
This guy here is dead

03-20-2006, 10:30 AM
Lou Brown: Better teach this kid some control before he kills somebody.

Lou Brown: Every newspaper in the country has picked us to finish last. The local press seems to think we'd save everyone a lot of time and trouble if we just went out and shot ourselves. Me, I'm for wasting sports writers' time. So, I'd like to hang around and see if we can give 'em all a nice big sh**burger to eat.

Pedro Cerrano: Hats for bats.

03-20-2006, 10:35 AM
Can't pass up....

"Juuuuuuuuuuuust a bit outside"

And from Major League II,

Vaughn: Name a park that wouldn't have been out of.
Girl: YellowStone.

03-20-2006, 10:52 AM

I didn't know Cleveland still had a team.

Yep, we have uniforms and everything.

I haven't seen the movie for awhile, but I always get a kick out of how many steals/Wins they need to get in the last 40 or so games to meet their goas/objective.


03-20-2006, 05:03 PM
Pedro Cerrano: Bats, they are sick. I cannot hit curveball. Straightball I hit it very much. Curveball, bats are afraid. I ask Jobu to come, take fear from bats. I offer him cigar, rum. He will come.
Eddie Harris: You know you might think about taking Jesus Christ as your savior instead of fooling around with all this stuff.
Jake Taylor: Harris.
Pedro Cerrano: Jesus, I like him very much, but he no help with curveball.
Eddie Harris: You trying to say Jesus Christ can't hit a curveball?


Pedro Cerrano: Hats for bats, keep bats warm.

Johnny Footstool
03-20-2006, 05:25 PM
Lou Brown (after Roger Dorn misses a grounder): What's with this "Ole" s***?

03-20-2006, 06:04 PM
Taylor - Is that you Tolbert?
Donovan - Wha?
Taylor - This isn't really funny you know. I'm hungover and my knees hurt. If you are going to pull this crap, at least you could say you were from the Yankees.

(edited for children & krono :D)

03-20-2006, 06:11 PM
Dorn's wife - Hello
Vaughn - Hello. I'm afraid I'm not much company tonight. Job Troubles. I'm a ballplayer.
Dorn's wife - I know who you are. And I don't chase ball players.
Vaughn - Then why DID you come over here?
Dorn's wife - because you are the sexiest man I have ever laid eyes on and you look like you could use a friend.
(Vaughn thinks - nods - points)
Vaughn - Check, please.

The line isn't all that funny - but the facial expression on Vaughn was classic.

03-20-2006, 06:59 PM
Lou Brown:Give um the heater ricky!!!!!

Caveat Emperor
03-20-2006, 07:40 PM
"You may run like Hayes, but you hit like <crap>..."

"The Indians score no runs on....lets see...1 hit. That's all we got? 1 <gosh darn> hit?!"
"You can't say <gosh darn> on the air!"
"Relax, nobody's listening anyway."

"The Duke leads the league in strike outs, ERA, and hit batsmen. This guy threw at his own kid in a father-son game!"

03-21-2006, 12:41 AM
i really think

Pedro Cerrano: Bats, they are sick. I cannot hit curveball. Straightball I hit it very much. Curveball, bats are afraid. I ask Jobu to come, take fear from bats. I offer him cigar, rum. He will come.

is the best line of the movie lol

03-21-2006, 12:46 AM
"I stick up for you Jobu. you no help me now, I say **** you Jobu... I do it myself"

Edit: For Wily Mo

03-21-2006, 12:53 AM
"Oh and it hits a bird!"

03-21-2006, 08:18 AM
Harry Doyle: "Heywood (Yankee slugger) spent time as a child molester during the off-season.."

03-21-2006, 09:40 AM
You put snot on the ball?

Roy Tucker
03-21-2006, 10:35 AM
We should've got the live chicken.

max venable
03-21-2006, 10:53 AM
Doyle: This guy leads the league in most offensive categories and nose hair. When this guy sneezes, he looks like a party favor. :laugh:

03-21-2006, 01:18 PM
Charlie Donovan: Lou? This is Charlie Donovan, the new GM of the Cleveland Indians. Listen, Lou, I hope you're sittin down cause I got an offer you probably been dreamin about your whole life. We been watchin your progress down there at Toledo with a lot of interest and well, how would you like to manage the Indians next year?

Lou Brown: I don't know.

Donovan: What do you mean you don't know? This is a chance to manage in the big leagues!

Lou: Lemme think it over, will ya, Charlie. I got a guy on the other line about some whitewalls. I'll talk to ya later.

This scene is classic.

03-21-2006, 03:04 PM
Vaughn: "You want me to drag him outside.. Kick the <crap> out of him?"

Then shakes his head no.

max venable
03-21-2006, 05:58 PM
"And he launches one toward South America. Cerrano's going to need a visa to catch up with that one."

03-21-2006, 07:43 PM
Vaughn wearing a tie, t-shirt, and leather vest..."I feel like a banker in this".
Jake..."sorry Rick house rules".