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Roy Tucker
04-17-2006, 01:40 PM
I thought these were pretty good. Most of them I knew, some were "wha?"

http://premium.si.cnn.com/pr/subs2/siexclusive/2006/writers/rick_reilly/04/03/reilly0410/

Putting It In Writing

After we gave up a touchdown in our first Touch Football/Pulled Groinathon of the year, the guys on the other team sneered and said, "Suckers walk."

"Says who?" asked our left tackle, Cementhead.

"It's an unwritten rule," explained the other side's captain. "Oh, yeah?" said Cementhead. "Show me where." Which is exactly my point. Why are sport's unwritten rules unwritten? Get a Xerox machine under these puppies and have a copy on everybody's desk in the morning.

The coach always sits in the first row on the team bus. If he is out sick or dead, the seat remains empty.

Apologize for a point won on a net cord.

Take two or three pitches if your pitcher just made the second out of the inning.

Never, ever put your finger in someone else's bowling ball.

The starting goalie is always the first player on the ice.

If a line judge makes a bad call in your favor, purposely double-fault the next point.

A manager never drinks at the same bar as his players.

Never knock in the tying run in the ninth inning of an exhibition game. Far better to lose than go extra innings in spring training.

No NBA player attempting a layup in the fourth quarter of a tight game should go unfouled.

In a losing clubhouse you must act as if there has been a death in the family.

Hand the manager the ball when he comes to the mound to take you out.

Never shoot the puck into the net after a whistle blows.

Do not talk to or sit near a pitcher with a no-hitter going. And never bunt to break one up.

A first base coach never stands in the first base coaching box.

Never blow your nose before a fight. (It makes the eyes swell easier later on.)

Stand as far away as possible from a skeet shooter with a perfect score going.

Never walk on a player's putting line, including the two feet on the other side of the cup.

Always clear the inside lane for faster runners.

Never stand behind the pool table pocket your opponent is shooting for.

Never let the interviewee hold the mike.

A catcher may complain to the ump all he wants about balls and strikes, as long as he doesn't turn around and do it face-to-face.

Never hit the quarterback during practice.

Never start the 100 meters in a decathlon into a wind. Trade false starts until the breeze is favorable.

When a soccer player is hurt, the opponents must kick the ball out of play.

Except for Rocky Marciano, the challenger always enters the ring first -- and always will.

Throw a handful of salt into the air before your sumo wrestling match begins.

It's true: Suckers walk.

The bus may be delayed by superstars only.

When the coach finally wraps up a long meeting with "Any questions?" nobody better ask one.

Rookies shag balls, whether they are millionaires or not.

Never shoot high on the goalie during warmups.

The back nine is always pressed.

You must admit it when you hit a forehand on the second bounce.

On the playground, offense calls the fouls.

Never write down the score of a bowler who is on a run of strikes.

Never admit you trapped the ball while trying to make a catch.

No overhead smashes at women in mixed doubles.

The caddie of the last player to putt plants the flag.

NBA refs will take some trash from head coaches but not a word from an assistant.

Never steal with a five-run lead after the seventh inning.

You must alter your course to help a boat in distress.

Boxers never blink during a ref's prefight instructions.

When a receiver drops a pass, go back to him on the next play.

Card games are played in the back of the plane.

Scrubs stand during NBA timeouts.

Winners buy.

Got it, Cementhead?

Rick Reilly is on vacation this week. This column first appeared in the Jan. 16, 1995, issue.

Issue date: April 10, 2006

ThatsAStrike
04-17-2006, 04:17 PM
What does "suckers walk" mean, anyway?

I don't know what this means, either: "Apologize for a point won on a net cord." I don't even know what sport they're talking about!

flyer85
04-17-2006, 04:43 PM
In a losing clubhouse you must act as if there has been a death in the family.Afterall, it is MORE than just a game.

Johnny Footstool
04-17-2006, 04:43 PM
If a line judge makes a bad call in your favor, purposely double-fault the next point.

No way. Bad calls can go either way in a tennis match. Take the point and keep playing.

Roy Tucker
04-17-2006, 04:44 PM
What does "suckers walk" mean, anyway?

I don't know what this means, either: "Apologize for a point won on a net cord." I don't even know what sport they're talking about!
"Suckers walk" is from backyard football. When the other team scores on you, they get to stay at that end of the field and kick off. You, the failed and scored upon defense, have to walk to the other end of the field to receive. Suckers walk.

Net cord winner is tennis. It's when the ball hits the top of the net and juuuust falls over the net for your winning point. You're supposed to wave at the other player and mouth "sorry". Why, I don't know.

You need to get out more.

ThatsAStrike
04-17-2006, 04:48 PM
"Suckers walk" is from backyard football. When the other team scores on you, they get to stay at that end of the field and kick off. You, the failed and scored upon defense, have to walk to the other end of the field to receive. Suckers walk.

Net cord winner is tennis. It's when the ball hits the top of the net and juuuust falls over the net for your winning point. You're supposed to wave at the other player and mouth "sorry". Why, I don't know.Ah, thanks for the explanations.


You need to get out more.That obvious, huh? :)

KronoRed
04-17-2006, 04:49 PM
I didn't know the tennis one either, why would you say sorry? 'Tough luck sucker' more like it :D

Roy Tucker
04-17-2006, 04:55 PM
The let cord thing, I always figured it was acknowledging that it was a lucky shot. Tennis used to be played only by polite company ("tough luck there old sport, how about a gin and tonic?").

I didn't know most of the hockey ones (besides the goalie being the first one on the ice).

I didn't know the blowing your nose before a boxing match and the decathalon 100 meter one.

Most others I did. I do agree with Johnny on the bad line call. Too bad.

IslandRed
04-17-2006, 09:04 PM
I don't know where I'd read the decathlon 100-meter one, but in case anyone is wondering what that's about -- the decathlon is scored on points and the 100 meters is the first event. Faster time = more points. By not racing into a wind, everyone gets a slightly better score. It doesn't change the relative standings any, but it doesn't put them at a disadvantage for trying to top their personal bests, which is every decathlete's meet within the meet.

Blimpie
04-18-2006, 08:14 AM
Where's the Ruben Mateo rule? Never touch a man's gamer. NEVER.

Yachtzee
04-18-2006, 08:26 AM
What about these?

Never fight a land war in Asia

Never go in with a Sicilian when death is on the line.

:)

Blimpie
04-18-2006, 08:32 AM
What about these?

Never fight a land war in Asia

Never go in with a Sicilian when death is on the line.

:)It is inconthievable that Reilly omitted that one.

paintmered
04-18-2006, 08:46 AM
It is inconthievable that Reilly omitted that one.

http://www.parseerror.com/images/moments/inconceivable/vizzini.jpg

RFS62
04-18-2006, 09:27 AM
No way. Bad calls can go either way in a tennis match. Take the point and keep playing.



Absolutely. No pro ever, EVER gives away a point.

westofyou
04-18-2006, 10:55 AM
Never shoot high on the goalie during warmups. Carry over from the age of no masks.

Blimpie
04-18-2006, 01:10 PM
I know there are still quite a few football coaches who will refuse to take points off the board when deciding upon whether or not to accept/decline a penalty on their opponent.

We've all seen it: The defense commits a penalty during a successful field goal attempt by the offense, and the offensive coach refuses to accepts the penalty because it will result in the three points coming off the board.

WMR
04-18-2006, 01:49 PM
Leave the gun, take the cannolis

You're never supposed to beat an opponent in soccer by more than 10 goals.

When you kick the ball out of play after the player is injured, the other team will always play the ball back to you.

RichRed
04-18-2006, 03:56 PM
It is inconthievable that Reilly omitted that one.

You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.