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savafan
04-24-2006, 12:51 AM
I was visiting another forum, and saw a topic on wedding invitations, and specifically ones that read "No gifts please". Most over there stated that this was tacky and rude, since it is an obvious request for $ instead of gifts. At the same time, some of the same people said that if you register for gifts, that it was also rude and tacky to place a card inside the invitation to let people know where you registered at. How do you win?

And what about in the cases where one of those getting married (in my case, the groom) has already been married once, and already has the obligatory 3 blenders, 4 toasters, 2 punch bowls and several sets of dishes? There's not really anything else more that we would need in the line of gifts, should we not mention that?

I have heard of several honeymoon registries now available, and this was the direction we were thinking of going, but in this same thread, it was said that this too was tacky and rude.

Some over there said that when they see any of these things mentioned in an invitation, they either don't bring a gift or money (not that either should be expected, but still...) or they make a donation to a charity in the name of the couple or something similar.

What is the etiquette concerning invitations, and do you really think that requesting "no gifts please" is rude and tacky?

creek14
04-24-2006, 07:11 AM
Usually "no gifts please" means no gifts, including the gift of money.

RedFanAlways1966
04-24-2006, 08:17 AM
I do not think it is rude at all. For the type of people who think, "That is rude and it must mean this or that...", screw 'em. No matter how much care you take to make all happy there will always be a few who think bad. I'd put "no gifts or money please" in my card. That should nip it in the bud.

It is you and the lucky lady's day, sava. Do it how you two want to do it. It is admirable that you care about the thoughts of others, but do not get too bogged down with these things. Those who really know you guys and care about you will know the truth. A few others will interpret things in their own way regardless... don't worry about them.

And live happily ever after! :)

GIK
04-24-2006, 09:43 AM
For the invitations to my wedding next month we did not include anything about where we registered or what not to send. Most people will ask you (or your family) where you are registered at if they're interested.

max venable
04-24-2006, 09:50 AM
Usually "no gifts please" means no gifts, including the gift of money.
My thought exactly as I was reading the original post. Money is a gift. If I was attending, they'd get a card...and that's it.

Johnny Footstool
04-24-2006, 11:38 AM
I've never received a wedding invitation that didn't include gift registry information, unless it also included a "no gifts, please" note.

Wedding gifts are expected -- that's just the way it is. It's not rude to provide registry information.

What's rude is when people ignore registry information and give you junk that will end up in a "White Elephant" party in a year or two.

vaticanplum
04-24-2006, 12:39 PM
Usually "no gifts please" means no gifts, including the gift of money.

That's exactly right. Rude...hell, I'd jump for joy if I got an invitation that said that.

They do usually include a requested charity instead, like you said, but if they didn't it's still not a request for money. They don't want people spending money on them in any form.

Red Leader
04-24-2006, 12:42 PM
What's rude is when people ignore registry information and give you junk that will end up in a "White Elephant" party in a year or two.

:laugh: :laugh:

So true, Johnny.

Heath
04-24-2006, 01:42 PM
What's rude is when people ignore registry information and give you junk that will end up in a "White Elephant" party in a year or two.

Or people actually give you the stuff on your list, and 10 years later, you realize how impractical it is when your lives change. (re: kids or moving)

Hypothetically speaking, however.

Johnny Footstool
04-24-2006, 03:08 PM
Or people actually give you the stuff on your list, and 10 years later, you realize how impractical it is when your lives change. (re: kids or moving)

Hypothetically speaking, however.

Ah, but in that case you only have yourself to blame.

KronoRed
04-24-2006, 03:37 PM
Usually "no gifts please" means no gifts, including the gift of money.
Yep.

Eloping and not telling anyone has its advantages as well, afterwords people are so happy they don't have time to think about gifts, they just give cash :devil:

Yachtzee
04-24-2006, 11:48 PM
I'm not an expert on manners by any means, so feel free to take this with a grain of salt. Between my grandmother and my wife's family, I would say that many people actually feel it's common courtesy to register for gifts and to let people know where you are registered. Some people just want to do something nice for you on your special day and they'd like an idea of what you want/need. They don't want to get you something that you're going to look at and immediately want to return or relegate to the "Someday we'll send it off to Goodwill" bin. They like registries because they know they aren't getting you something someone else has gotten you. Granted these are mostly people from generations where gift giving was considered polite and you would never go to someone's house empty handed. Another benefit is that you can avoid having people spend too much on you by registering for sensible gifts, if that's your feeling. If you feel putting registry information in the card is tacky, putting a contact number of someone with that info might be a good idea.

If a couple doesn't want gifts, it's wise to let people know as well. But I would put in a few words explaining why the couple doesn't want gifts or suggesting a donation in lieu of gifts. It helps avoids hurting the feelings of people who just want to be generous. My grandmother loved giving gifts more than anything, didn't matter the occassion. She would have been highly offended by a message stating "No gifts" and nothing else.

SandyD
04-25-2006, 01:24 AM
I'm not an expert on manners either, but I do think customs vary from family to family, and region to region. What's rude to one group may be customary for another. I also think customs are changing.

So, I would look to close friends and family for advice, rather than online sources. Get a couple of opinions and go with what you're comfortable with.