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GAC
06-10-2006, 12:31 PM
http://www.toilette-humor.com/computer-at-night.html

GAC
06-10-2006, 12:38 PM
THEY WALK AMONG US......

Some guy bought a new fridge for his house. To get rid of his old fridge, he put it in his front yard and hung a sign on it saying: "Free to good home. You want it, you take it."

For three days the fridge sat there without even one person looking twice at it. He eventually decided that people were too un-trusting of this deal. It looked to good to be true, so he changed the sign to read: "Fridge for sale $50." The next day someone stole it.

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While looking at a house, my brother asked the real estate agent which
direction was north because, he explained, he didn't want the sun waking
him up every morning. She asked, "Does the sun rise in the north?" When
my brother explained that the sun rises in the east, and has for sometime,
she shook her head and said, "Oh, I don't keep up with that stuff."

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I used to work in technical support for a 24/7 call center. One day I got a
call from an individual who asked what hours the call center was open.
I told him, "The number you dialed is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week." He responded, "Is that Eastern or Pacific time?" Wanting to end the call quickly, I said, "Uh, Pacific"

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My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car it's designed to cut through a seat belt if she gets trapped. She keeps it in the trunk

GAC
06-10-2006, 12:39 PM
Some retired deputy sheriffs went to a retreat in the mountains.

To save money, they decided to sleep two to a room. No one wanted to
room with Daryl because he snored so badly. They decided it wasn't fair to
make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns.

The first deputy slept with Daryl and comes to breakfast the next
morning with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot. They said, "Man, what
happened to you?"
He said, "Daryl snored so loudly, I just sat up and watched him all night."

The next night it was a different ! deputy's turn. In the morning,same
thing--hair all standing up, eyes all blood-shot. They said, "Man, what
happened to you? You look awful!"
He said, "Man, that Daryl shakes the roof. I watched him all night."

The third night was Frank's turn. Frank was a big burly ex-football
player; a man's man. The next morning he came to breakfast bright eyed
and bushy tailed. "Good morning."
They couldn't believe it! They said, "Man, what happened?"
He said, "Well, we got ready for bed. I went and tucked Daryl into bed
and kissed him good night. He sat up and watched me all night long

GAC
06-10-2006, 12:42 PM
Did You Know That....

If you can start the day without caffeine,

If you can get going without pep pills,

If you can always be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains,

If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles,

If you can eat the same food every day and be grateful for it,

If you can understand when your loved ones are too busy to give you any time,

If you can take criticism and without resentment,

If you can ignore a friend's limited education and never correct him,

If you can resist treating a rich friend better than a poor friend,

If you can conquer tension without medical help,

If you can relax without liquor,

If you can sleep without the aid of drugs,




...Then You Are Probably the Family Dog!

http://files.dogster.com/pix/dogs/50/16250/16250_1125863307.jpg

GAC
06-10-2006, 12:54 PM
http://www.joplinindependent.com/pics/mariwinn_6509d.jpg

GAC
06-10-2006, 12:56 PM
A photographer for CNN was assigned to cover southern California 's
wildfires last year. He wanted pictures of the heroic work the
firefighters were doing as they battled the blazes.

When the photographer arrived on the scene, he realized the smoke was so
thick it would seriously impede, or even make impossible, his getting
good photographs from the ground level. He requested permission from his
boss to rent a plane and take photos from the air.

His request was approved, and he used his cell phone to call the local
county airport to charter a flight. He was told a single engine plane
would be waiting for him at the airport.

Arriving at the airfield, he spotted a plane warming up outside a
hanger. He jumped in with his bag, slammed the door shut and shouted,
"Let's go!"

The pilot taxied out, swung the plane into the wind and roared down the
runway.

Once airborne, the photographer says to the pilot, "Fly over the valley,
make two or three low passes so I can take some photos of the fires on
the hill sides."

"Why?" asked the pilot.

"Because I'm a photographer for CNN," he responded. "And, I need to get
some close-up shots."

The pilot was strangely silent for a moment, but finally he stammered,
"So, you're telling me you're not the flight instructor?"