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View Full Version : Have a heart! - Help a MLB Player



LvJ
08-27-2002, 12:53 PM
Since September 11, 2001, Americans have come together as never before in
our generation. We have banded together to overcome tremendous adversity. We
have weathered direct attacks on our own soil, wars overseas, corporate
scandal, layoffs, unemployment, stock price plunges, droughts, fires, and a
myriad of economic and physical disasters both great and small. But now, we
must come together once again to overcome our greatest challenge yet.

Hundreds of Major League Baseball players in our very own nation are living
at, just below, or in most cases far above the seven-figure salary level.
And as if that weren't bad enough they could be deprived of their life
giving pay for several months, possibly longer, as a result of the upcoming
strike situation. But you can help!

For only $20,835 a month, about $694.50 a day (that's less than the cost of
a large screen projection TV) you can help a MLB player remain economically
viable during his time of need. This contribution by no means solves the
problem as it barely covers the annual minimum salary, but it's a start, and
every little bit will help!

Although $700 may not seem like a lot of money to you, to a baseball player
it could mean the difference between spending the strike golfing in Florida
or on a Mediterranean cruise. For you, seven hundred dollars is nothing more
than a month's rent, half a mortgage payment, or a month of medical
insurance, but to a baseball player, $700 will partially replace his daily
salary.

Your commitment of less than $700 a day will enable a player to buy that
home entertainment center, trade in the year-old Lexus for a new Ferrari, or
enjoy a weekend in Rio.

HOW WILL I KNOW I'M HELPING?

Each month, you will receive a complete financial report on the player you
sponsor. Detailed information about his stocks, bonds, 401(k), real estate,
and other investment holdings will be mailed to your home. Plus, upon
signing up for this program, you will receive an unsigned photo of the
player lounging during the strike on a beach somewhere in the Caribbean (for
a signed photo, please include an additional $150). Put the photo on your
refrigerator to remind you of other peoples' suffering.

HOW WILL HE KNOW I'M HELPING?

Your MLB player will be told that he has a SPECIAL FRIEND who just wants to
help in a time of need. Although the player won't know your name, he will be
able to make collect calls to your home via a special operator in case
additional funds are needed for unforeseen expenses.

YES, I WANT TO HELP!

I would like to sponsor a striking MLB player. My preference is checked
below:

[ ] Infielder
[ ] Outfielder
[ ] Starting Pitcher
[ ] Ace Pitcher
[ ] Entire team (Please call our 900 number to ask for the cost of a
specific team - $10 per minute)
[ ] Alex Rodriguez (Higher cost: $60,000 per day)

Please charge the account listed below $694.50 per day for the player for
the duration of the strike. Please send me a picture of the player I have
sponsored, along with an Alex Rodriguez 2001 Income Statement and my very
own Donald Fehr MLB Players Union pin to wear proudly on my hat (include $80
for hat).

Your Name: _______________________
Telephone Number: _______________________
Account Number: _______________________ Exp.Date:_______
[ ] MasterCard [ ] Visa [ ] American Express [ ] Discover
Signature: _______________________

Alternate card (when the primary card exceeds its credit limit): Account
Number: _______________________ Exp.Date:_______ [ ] MasterCard [ ] Visa [ ]
American Express [ ] Discover
Signature: _______________________

Mail completed form to MLB Players Union or call 1-900-F%*&-THE-FANS now to
enroll by phone ($10 per minute).

Disclaimer: Sponsors are not permitted to contact the player they have
sponsored, either in person or by other means including, but not limited to,
telephone calls, letters, e-mail, or third parties.

Contributions are not tax-deductible..........................
.................But we are working on a bill that would make your
contributions Tax Deductable.


:thumbup:

Catch22
08-27-2002, 01:06 PM
That has got to be the funniest thing I have read in a long time!:lol:
Thanks LvJ

RFS62
08-27-2002, 01:10 PM
Man, *sniff* that really got to me.

Where do I sign up?

LvJ
08-27-2002, 01:13 PM
Originally posted by RFS62
Man, *sniff* that really got to me.

Where do I sign up? Just call 1-900-F*CK-THE-FANS!

$10 Bucks a Min..

:smokin:

15fan
08-27-2002, 01:13 PM
Anxiously awaiting the Sally Struthers commercial associated with this noble cause...

Johnny Vander m
08-27-2002, 02:07 PM
LVJ, You outdid yourself on that one,:D :D :D , thats the funiest post I ever seen on here. I called that number, Aaron Boone's girl friend answered. She was very sexy sounding.:evilgrin: Got to print this one out and save it.

LvJ
08-27-2002, 02:11 PM
:laugh: Yep, thanks to an unknown email .. ;)

syncope
08-27-2002, 02:18 PM
Originally posted by Red LvJ

[ ] Infielder
[ ] Outfielder
[ ] Starting Pitcher
[ ] Ace Pitcher
[ ] Entire team (Please call our 900 number to ask for the cost of a
specific team - $10 per minute)
[ ] Alex Rodriguez (Higher cost: $60,000 per day)



[ ] Tom Hicks (desperately needs funds for yacht payments, Bushie Presiduncial Campaign donations).
Cash only, please.

nofx242
08-27-2002, 02:29 PM
That was great Ill have to print that out and hang it on my fridge:lol:

Chip R
08-27-2002, 03:08 PM
Good stuff! :D

max venable
08-27-2002, 06:53 PM
Outstanding post.

creek14
08-27-2002, 07:06 PM
I emailed it to Marty and Joe. Wonder if it will get any air time. :evilgrin:

I signed it "smooches" just to suck up to them a little so they might read it. :D

CougarQuest
08-27-2002, 07:45 PM
THAT WAS HILARIOUS!!!:lol:

We ought to mail it to each of the players. I bet they would get a kick out of it too:thumbup:

GAC
08-27-2002, 07:51 PM
My Dr says I'm not suppose to laugh this hard cause it hurts my recovery!

Can we give them cash, which is just as good as money? :lol:

BigD
08-27-2002, 11:22 PM
Originally posted by GAC

Can we give them cash, which is just as good as money? :lol:

Good ole Yogi:lol:

SirFelixCat
08-27-2002, 11:58 PM
Archive!!!!

Greatest post on here yet!

Thanks for the laugh, Red!:thumbup:

KittyDuran
08-28-2002, 12:01 AM
SC Reds Fans - did you get your stuff?