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MaineRed
09-09-2006, 11:48 PM
I'm sure this has probably been done before but I hadn't seen one recently.

Anyways, share your favorite episodes, moments or characters.

I saw one of my favorite moments last night. Kramer is trying to install the garbage disposal in his shower and he has a problem so he calls David Puddy, Elaine's boyfriend.

Puddy: "This is Puddy."
Kramer: "Is David Puddy there please?"
Puddy: "This is Puddy."
Kramer: "This is Kramer."
Puddy: "I know."
Kramer: "Can you help me install a garbage disposal in my tub?"
Puddy: "Well thats a pretty big job. You have to unhook .... line.
Kramer: "Says main line."
Puddy: "Its a misprint, what'd you got, a Clarkman?"

I loved the David Puddy character. Classic.

WMR
09-10-2006, 12:08 AM
One of my favorites is when Kramer finds the set of the Merv Griffin Show in a dumpster and picks up Newman as his Ed McMahon. Hilarity ensues.

MaineRed
09-10-2006, 12:14 AM
Yup, he even got that guest who came in with the hawk.

"Where are the cameras?"

That is a darn good episode. 4 good storylines.

Kramer with the Merv Griffin set, George with the squirrel that he ran over, Elaine and the sidler and then Jerry with the girlfriend with the old toy collection.

"More wine and turkey?"

HumnHilghtFreel
09-10-2006, 12:45 AM
Oh wow, it's hard for me to make a choice.

The Merv Griffin one was pretty great.

It probably wasn't the best episode, but I always loved the Frogger episode, myself.

WMR
09-10-2006, 01:07 AM
Oh wow, it's hard for me to make a choice.

The Merv Griffin one was pretty great.

It probably wasn't the best episode, but I always loved the Frogger episode, myself.

"Jerry I had the perfect amount of pizza grease on the controller. It was my moment of glory."

The frogger machine getting crushed by the truck while George watches in horror is one of the all-time great Seinfeld moments.

MrCinatit
09-10-2006, 01:08 AM
I like the one where George pretends he is an Ocean biologist. Kramer is hitting golfballs on the beach - only getting one into the water. Later, George is walking on the same beach with the girl he is trying to impress - they come across a stranded whale.
George Louis Costanza: The sea was angry that day, my friends - like an old man trying to send back soup in a deli. I got about fifty feet out and suddenly the great beast appeared before me. I tell you he was ten stories high if he was a foot. As if sensing my presence, he let out a great bellow. I said, "Easy, big fella!" And then, as I watched him struggling, I realized that something was obstructing its breathing. From where I was standing, I could see directly into the eye of the great fish.
Jerry Seinfeld: Mammal.
Cosmo Kramer: Whatever.
Cosmo Kramer: Well, what did you do next?
George Louis Costanza: Well then, from out of nowhere, a huge tidal wave lifted me, tossed me like a cork, and I found myself right on top of him - face to face with the blowhole. I could barely see from the waves crashing down upon me but I knew something was there. So I reached my hand in, felt around, and pulled out the obstruction.
[George reveals the obstruction to be a golf ball]
Cosmo Kramer: What is that, a Titleist?
[George Nods]
Cosmo Kramer: A hole in one, huh?

The same episode had a Russian writer who Elaine was trying to impress. She makes a comment about the "alternate title" of War and Peace: War, What Is It Good For (given to her by Jerry). Meanwhile, her personal keeper keeps beeping. The writer throws the keeper out the limo window, it hits Carol Kane in the head.
She tracks down Jerry. Later, she is in the lobby of a hotel as Jerry and Elaine are in a room with the writer, a tape recorder in Jerry's pocket. The recorder makes funny noises and the writer throws it out of the window - again hitting Kane in the head.
At the same time, Kramer is going crazy because he keeps finding sand everywhere from his gold trip to the beach. Finally, he rips off his shoes and throws one out the window - hitting a passing and whistling Newman in the head.

oh...and the greatest quote ever:
I can't take it anymore! She's driving me crazy! I can't sleep, I can't leave the house, and I'm here, I'm climbin' the walls. Meanwhile, I'm dating a virgin, I'm in this contest - something's gotta give!

WMR
09-10-2006, 01:08 AM
Yup, he even got that guest who came in with the hawk.

"Where are the cameras?"

That is a darn good episode. 4 good storylines.

Kramer with the Merv Griffin set, George with the squirrel that he ran over, Elaine and the sidler and then Jerry with the girlfriend with the old toy collection.

"More wine and turkey?"


"We're going to have to fly in some tiny instruments from El Paso."

lol, chuckling to myself as I type that.

Razor Shines
09-10-2006, 01:23 AM
"Jerry, this is Frank Costanza, George is dead, Steinbrenner's here, call me back."

"That's not gonna be good for business."
"That's not gonna be good for anyone."

MrCinatit
09-10-2006, 01:31 AM
Jerry on Kramer and Newman playing Risk "It's a game about world domination being played by a couple of guys who can't even control their own lives."

George: "I swallowed a fly! I swallowed a fly!" (Looks at man sitting next to him). "What do I do?"

Jerry: Do you smell that?
Elaine: What, am I hard at smelling?

Razor Shines
09-10-2006, 01:37 AM
After seeing George's girlfriend topless:
Kramer: Yo Yo Ma.
Jerry: Boutros Boutros Ghali.
Elaine: Nice Rack.

Crash Davis
09-10-2006, 02:26 AM
"Good for you, Lloyd!"

"You're not giving away my waterpic!"

GAC
09-10-2006, 06:42 AM
Attendant: I know what a reservation is for sir.
Jerry: I don't think you do. You see, you know how to TAKE a reservation, but you don't know how to HOOOOLD the reservation. And that really is the most important part. (Jerry waving his arms) Anyone can take a reservation.

Attendant (after talking with supervisor): We do have Ford Escort.
Jerry: I guess that'll have to do
Attendant: Do you want the insurance?
Jerry: Oh yeah, you better give me the insurance because I am gonna drive the hell out of that car.

MaineRed
09-10-2006, 10:44 AM
Some Yankee related scenes:

1. Talking to Elaine, Costanza: "I was having a conversation with Donnnnnn Mattingly. He's the first basemen. We were talking about his batting stance. I told him, I'm not a big fan, but go with what is working. Donnie Baseball ......"

2. George is in the batting cage on the episode where he stopped having and thinking about sex (thus making his brilliant in all other aspects of life). Bermie Williams and Derek Jeter are there and George is explaining the scientific formula to hitting a baseball as he belts homer after homer.

Jeter says, "who are you, anyway?"
George (quite proudlly), I'm the assistant to the traveling secretary!"
Williams: "Are you the guy that booked us in that Ramada in Milwaukeee?"

3. The sick kid who ends up with Steinbrenners birthday card (signed by the entire Yankee organization, well, except Mr. Morgan). Kramer had sold it to his buddy Stubbs after getting the wrong idea about George Costanza's blinking. George had been hit in the eye with a piece of grapefruit. Pulp can fly baby!

Kramer has to get the card back and the kid says he'll give it up if Paul O'Neil hits two HRs for him in the same game. So Kramer sneaks into the Yankee clubhouse and tells O'Neil the deal. At first Paul says sure, he'll help the kid out. But when he finds out he has to hit two, he gets irritated. He says how unreasonable it is and how HRs are hard to hit. When Kramer says Babe Ruth did it, O'Neil snaps back, "he wasn't stupid enough to promise TWO!" Then he looks towards the door, "how did you get in here, anyways?"


Back at the hospital, the game comes on O'Neil goes yard early in the game. Then later he hits what Kramer and the kid think is an inside the park HR. But it ends up being ruled a triple and an error, so the kid doesn't want to give the card up.

Finally Kramer shows up at the house, with the card and then explains that someone has to catch a flyball in their cap in the next game.

Chip R
09-10-2006, 01:10 PM
Two words: The Moops.

BoydsOfSummer
09-10-2006, 06:01 PM
Kramer in the middle of his boxers experiment with his patented exasperated look: "I'm flippin', I'm floppin'....I'm all over the place,Jerry!"

GAC
09-11-2006, 06:43 AM
Kramer in the middle of his boxers experiment with his patented exasperated look: "I'm flippin', I'm floppin'....I'm all over the place,Jerry!"

And don't forget "And I'm lovin' every minute of it!" :lol:

Jerry, Kramer, and George's exchange when Kramer "steals" George's ex-GF's lesbian lover...

George: Figures. I drive them to lesbianism, and he brings them back again.
Kramer (to Jerry): She showed me that I'm bringing my club back too fast. SHE'S A GOLF PRO JERRY! I've taken six strokes off my game.
Jerry: That's the least that you have accomplished.


Kramer boycotting Kenny Rogers Chicken....

"That's bad chicken! It'll mess you up!"

Neuman spiting out the broccoli... "VILE WEED!"

RedFanAlways1966
09-11-2006, 08:55 AM
"Serenity now!"

"Heeeelllllloooooo!" Also had Kramerica in this episode w/ the intern.

Ingenious... the backwards episode where the O'Henry candy bar heiress, Sue Ellen, is supposed to marry an ex of Elaine's in India.

RFS62
09-11-2006, 09:03 AM
Jerry: I thought you weren't coming back till Monday.

Kramer: Well, the camp ended a few days early.

Jerry: Why?

Kramer: Uh, well there was an incident.

Jerry: What happened?

Kramer: I punched Mickey Mantle in the mouth.

Jerry: What?

Kramer: Yeah, I punched him and they took him to the hospital and then they canceled the rest of the week.

Elaine: You punched who in the mouth?

Kramer: Mickey Mantle.

Jerry: What happened?

Kramer: Well, you know, we were playing a game and, you know, I was pitching, and I was really throwing some smoke. And Joe Pepitone, he was up, and man that guy, you know, he was crowding the plate.

Jerry: Wow! Joe Pepitone!

Kramer: Yeah, well, Joe Pepitone or not, I own the inside of that plate. So I throw one, you know, inside, you know, a little chin music, put him right on his pants. Cause I gotta intimidate when I'm on the mound. Well the next pitch,
he's right back in the same place. So, I had to plunk him.

Jerry: You plunked him.

Kramer: Oh yeah. Well, he throws down his bat, he comes racing up to the mound. Next thing, both benches are cleared, you know? A brouhaha breaks out between the guys in the camp, you know, and the old Yankee players, and as I'm
trying to get Moose Skowron off of one of my teammates, you know, somebody pulls me from behind, you know, and I turned around and I popped him. I looked down, and woah man, it's Mickey. I punched his lights out.

Jerry: Wow, this is incredible!

Kramer: Then Hank Bauer, you know, he's screaming, "Mickey! Mickey! What have you done with Mickey? You killed Mickey!"

Elaine: So what'd you do?

Kramer: Well, I got the hell out of there.

dabvu2498
09-11-2006, 10:24 AM
Frank Costanza: Many Christmases ago, I went to buy a doll for my son. I reached for the last one they had, but so did another man. As I rained blows upon him, I realized there had to be another way.

Kramer: What happened to the doll?

Frank Costanza: It was destroyed. But out of that a new holiday was born … a Festivus for the rest of us!

Kramer: That must've been some kind of doll.

Frank Costanza: She was.

TRF
09-11-2006, 10:31 AM
Mulva?

GAC
09-11-2006, 12:04 PM
George: "Ever seen Elaine dance? It's like a full body dry heave."

Blimpie
09-11-2006, 12:11 PM
George: "Ever seen Elaine dance? It's like a full body dry heave."http://img.search.com/9/9a/300px-Elaine_Dancing.JPG

MrsHammer
09-11-2006, 01:25 PM
Attendant: I know what a reservation is for sir.
Jerry: I don't think you do. You see, you know how to TAKE a reservation, but you don't know how to HOOOOLD the reservation. And that really is the most important part. (Jerry waving his arms) Anyone can take a reservation.

Attendant (after talking with supervisor): We do have Ford Escort.
Jerry: I guess that'll have to do
Attendant: Do you want the insurance?
Jerry: Oh yeah, you better give me the insurance because I am gonna drive the hell out of that car.



That one was the best!

"These pretzels are making me thirsty!"

MaineRed
09-11-2006, 01:28 PM
The Jimmy. George goes into business with Jimmy (who talks about himself in the third person) selling training shoes. Well this coincides with some equipment that has been stolen from the Yankees, including the infield tarp and Steinbrenner's vitamins. Some kung pau (George likes spicy chicken) leads him to start sweating bullets when Mr. Wilhelm starts to ask questions after overhearing him on the phone talking about, "beautiful athletic gear.

George gets out of trouble when he explains to Steinbrenner, "why would George steal from the Yankees?"

The one about the communist is pretty funny too. Elaine is dating a communist, Kramer is spreading propaganda as Santa Claus and George is using the Daily Worker for dates. It gets back to Steinbrenner so he calls George in and sends him down to Cuba to get a look at a prospect nobody else has been able to get close to.

In Cuba George meets Castro and is given permission to sign the prospect since he is a communist.

"He will play for your Yankees!"

Chip R
09-11-2006, 01:43 PM
Mandelbaum! Mandelbaum! Mandelbaum!

WMR
09-11-2006, 02:47 PM
George and Jerry's Gym coach:

"Can't stand ya... Can't stand ya... Can't stand ya..."

George: "Here."

Blimpie
09-11-2006, 03:53 PM
George and Jerry's Gym coach:

"Can't stand ya... Can't stand ya... Can't stand ya..."

George: "Here."Coach Hayman? He's the one whose teeth "looked like baked beans" or "like an exhumed corpse"

DTCromer
09-11-2006, 04:54 PM
Ukraine Game To You???!!

max venable
09-11-2006, 05:38 PM
Kramer: "Hello -- And welcome to movie phone. If you know the name of the movie you'd like to see, press one. " George Says: {pushes one} "Come On, Come on"

Kramer: "Using the touch tone keypad, please enter the first three letters of the movie title now."

George: Keys in numbers

Kramer: "You've selected -- Agent Zero. If that's correct press one."

George: "What?"

Kramer: "You've selected -- Brown Eye Girl. If this is correct press one."

Long Pause...

Kramer: "Why don't you just tell me the name of the movie you selected?"

deltachi8
09-11-2006, 07:27 PM
High five.

RadfordVA
09-12-2006, 12:43 AM
"When I saw that needle, I let the expletives fly."

Razor Shines
09-12-2006, 03:11 AM
".....Could have been your Mother. What was her name?.....BABS KRAMER!! Nasty woman. Many a night I had to throw her out of here drunk and stumblebum."

deltachi8
09-12-2006, 04:03 AM
"Jerry, this is Frank Costanza, George is dead, Steinbrenner's here, call me back."

"That's not gonna be good for business."
"That's not gonna be good for anyone."

"What the hell did you trade Jay Buhner for?!?"

GAC
09-12-2006, 07:43 AM
JERRY: No, see, we didn't have ponies. I'm sure at the time in Poland, they were very common. They were probably like compact cars.

MANYA: That's it! I've had enough! (She leaves the room)

JERRY: I didn't know she had a pony. How was I to know she had a pony? Who figures an immigrant's going to have a pony? Do you know what the odds are on that? I mean, in all the pictures I saw of immigrants on boats coming into New York harbor, I never saw one of them sitting on a pony. Why would anybody come here if they had a pony? Who leaves a country packed with ponies to come to a non-pony country? It doesn't make sense.. am I wrong?

:lol:


George: Say you, me, and Kramer are, uh, flying over the Andes.

Jerry: Why are we flyin' over the Andes?

George: We got a soccer game in Chile. Anyway, the plane crashes. Who are you gonna eat to survive?

Jerry: Kramer.

George: So fast? What about me?

Jerry: No.

George: Kramer's so stringy. I'm plump, juicy.

Jerry: Kramer's got more muscle, higher protein content. It's better for you.

George: Well I would eat you.

Jerry: That's very nice, I guess.

George: I still don't see why you wouldn't eat me. I'm your best friend.

Jerry: Look, if other people are having some, I'll try you.

George: Thank you.





JERRY: Well every day for the past four days she hasn't returned one call.

GEORGE: Was it a scratch or a pick?

JERRY: It was a scratch.

GEORGE: Hey. It's me.

JERRY: Don't you think I know the difference between a pick and a scratch?

GEORGE: Was there any nostril penetration?

JERRY: There may have been some incidental penetration. But from her angle she was in no position to make the call.

GEORGE: So let's say in her mind she witnessed a pick. Okay, so then what?

JERRY: Is that so unforgivable? Is that like breaking a commandment? Did God say to Moses thou shalt not pick?

GEORGE: I guarantee you that Moses was a picker. You wander throughh the desert for forty years with that dry air. ... You telling me you're not going to have occasion to clean house a little bit.

JERRY: Let me ask you something. If you were going out with somebody and if she did that what would, would you do? Would you continue going out with her?

GEORGE: No. That's disgusting!

MaineRed
09-12-2006, 10:19 AM
George: Say you, me, and Kramer are, uh, flying over the Andes.

Jerry: Why are we flyin' over the Andes?

George: We got a soccer game in Chile. Anyway, the plane crashes. Who are you gonna eat to survive?

Jerry: Kramer.

George: So fast? What about me?

Jerry: No.

George: Kramer's so stringy. I'm plump, juicy.

Jerry: Kramer's got more muscle, higher protein content. It's better for you.

George: Well I would eat you.

Jerry: That's very nice, I guess.

George: I still don't see why you wouldn't eat me. I'm your best friend.

Jerry: Look, if other people are having some, I'll try you.

George: Thank you.

Do you know what episode this is from? I don't have any recollection of that scene.

MaineRed
09-12-2006, 10:25 AM
"What the hell did you trade Jay Buhner for?!?"

I was going to post that one next.

"He hit over .300 last year, he's got a rocket for a arm, you don't know what the hell your doing!"

How about when Elaine and Kramer go to the Giants game with Joel Rifkin who has the same name as a NY serial killer and Bob Sheppard comes over the PA:

"Would Jo-el Rif-kin please report to the stadium office. Jo-el Rif-kin"

"Who would be calling me here?" (people around him start to panic).

MaineRed
09-12-2006, 10:28 AM
Another of my favorites, George is doing all he can to protect his secret ATM code and Jerry ask him what if he was being held in Turkey and the only way he could get out was if gave up his code so his captors could get money to release him:

"My card won't work in Turkey, they're not on the Plus system."

:laugh:

Gainesville Red
09-12-2006, 10:38 AM
Kramer, driving the bus to the hospital turns into a debacle.

Cosmo Kramer: The bus is outta control. So I grab him by the collar, I take him out of the seat, I get behind the wheel, and now I'm driving the bus.

Jerry: Wow.

George Costanza: You're Batman.

Cosmo Kramer: Yeah, yeah, I am Batman. Then the mugger, he comes to and he starts choking me. So I'm fighting him off with one hand and I kept driving the bus with the other, ya know. Then I managed to open up the door and I kicked him out the door, ya know, with my foot, ya know, at the next stop.

Jerry: You kept making all the stops?

Cosmo Kramer: Well, people kept ringing the bell.


And I love the episode with the "bro." Or is it the "manziere?"

GAC
09-12-2006, 11:09 AM
Do you know what episode this is from? I don't have any recollection of that scene.

The Abstinence episode (#142)

http://www.seinfeldscripts.com/TheAbstinence.htm

edabbs44
09-12-2006, 11:11 AM
One of my favorites is when Kramer finds the set of the Merv Griffin Show in a dumpster and picks up Newman as his Ed McMahon. Hilarity ensues.

Love that one and the Andrea Doria one.

"She was also, in fact, a Nazi."

"And when I dropped the towl, there had been significant shrinkage."

GAC
09-12-2006, 11:14 AM
The Contest (Are you master of your domain?")

KRAMER: (Butting in) Wait a second, wait a second. Count me in on this. (Clicks his tongue)

JERRY: You?

KRAMER: Yeah.

JERRY: You'll be out before we get the check.



And the episode where the reporter mistook Jerry and George as gay..... "Not that there's anything wrong with that!"

RichRed
09-12-2006, 01:10 PM
The Kenny Rogers Roaster episode is one of my all-time favorites.

"Newman, you wouldn't eat broccoli if it was deep fried in chocolate sauce."

"The man makes a strong bird."

"Mr. Marbles?"

But one of my favorite quotes comes from George after he tells Jerry to suggest the menage a trois and the girl goes for it:

"Do you ever get down on your knees and thank God that you know me and have access to my dementia?"

Hoosier Red
09-12-2006, 01:14 PM
http://www.indystar.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20060912/LOCAL/609120457

This was one of my favorite episodes. Now people were trying to do it in real life.

Blimpie
09-12-2006, 01:21 PM
One of my favorite cameos ever from a Seinfeld episode was the role of "Eric the Clown" played by Jon Favreau...


George talking to Eric, the clown at Robin's son's birthday party.

GEORGE: Bozo?

ERIC: No.

GEORGE: B-O-Z-O?

ERIC: Sorry, I...

GEORGE: You've never heard of Bozo the Clown?

ERIC: No!

GEORGE: How could you not know who Bozo the Clown is?

ERIC: I don't know, I just don't.

GEORGE: How can you call yourself a clown and not know who Bozo is?

ERIC: Hey, man - what are you hassling me for? This is just a gig, it's not my life. I don't know who Bozo is, what - is he a clown?

GEORGE: Is he a clown? What, are you kidding me!?

ERIC: Well, what is he?

GEORGE: Yes, he's a clown!

ERIC: Alright, so what's the big deal! There's millions of clowns!

GEORGE: Alright, just forget it.

ERIC: Me forget it? You should forget it! You're livin' in the past, man! You're hung up on some clown from the sixties, man!

GEORGE: Alright, very good, very good...go fold your little balloon animals, Eric. Eric! What kind of name is that for a clown, huh?

ROBIN'S MOTHER: Excuse me...you must be George! I'm Robin's mother. Oh, you seem like such a lovely young man!

GEORGE: Well, I do what I can. <Robin comes over.>

ROBIN: Hi Mom, how's everything?

ROBIN'S MOTHER: Oh, this is just a wonderful party!

ROBIN: The burgers should be ready in a minute.

GEORGE: Ah, great, great. <sniffs> What's that smell? Smoke? <walks to the kitchen> Hey everybody, I think I smell some smoke back here...<smoke boils into the doorway.> FIRE! FIRE! Get out of the way!

<The kids all scream and the party goes crazy. George barrels out of the kitchen, pushing down kids, clowns and old ladies in a mad panic to escape. He runs out the door and leaves everyone behind.>

Cut to George sitting in the back of an ambulance with an oxygen mask on his face.

GEORGE (to the EMTs): It was an inferno in there! An inferno! <Eric, Robin's mother, and all the kids rush at George.>

ERIC: There he is! That's him! <Tries to clobber George with his big shoe.>

ROBIN'S MOTHER: That's the coward that left us to die!

Razor Shines
09-12-2006, 01:35 PM
After Kramer wins a Tony:
Kramer: I can't describe how great it feels to win.
Jerry: That's because you didn't win.
Kramer: You can't bring me down off this high. I saw the sunrise at Liza's.
George: Minnelli?!
Kramer: (quickly)No.

MaineRed
09-13-2006, 01:26 AM
Jiffy Park.

George and Kramer get great deals to park their cars at Jiffy Park and Kramer got a free t-shirt. But George notices some odd goings on so he starts to investigate. For starters when he drops Kramer off to get his car, they tell him it is in the back and they can't get it out for a couple of days. Turns out prostitutes are turning tricks, using the cars people are leaving at the lot.

George goes up to the Parking Attendant:

George: I would like my car.
Parking: Some sort of problem?
George: Yout got hookers turing tricks for starters.
Parking: That is all heresay.
George: I want my car!
Parking: Sorry Buddy, take it up with consumer affairs.

When Kramer can't get his car out the guy says, "here, take some more shirts" and he offers Kramer a pink cadilac, a Mary Kay car which Kramer gladly accepts as it goes hand in hand with his technicolor dreamcoat.

GAC
09-13-2006, 08:24 AM
I'm the Assman! :lol: