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GAC
10-02-2006, 08:37 PM
In a Cleveland, OH (AP) -
A seven-year-old boy was at the center of a Cleveland courtroom
drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over who
should have custody of him. The boy has a history of being
beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to
his aunt, in keeping with child custody law and regulations
requiring that family unity be maintained to the degree possible.
The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her.
When the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried out that they also beat him.

After considering the remainder of the immediate family and
learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life among them, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose just exactly who he preferred ,
and WHO should have custody of him.

After two recesses to check legal references and confer with child welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the " Cleveland Browns " football team....
whom the boy firmly believes , is not capable of beating anyone ! ! !

Caveat Emperor
10-02-2006, 08:48 PM
The Tampa Bay Buccaneers rush defense.

Heath
10-03-2006, 11:13 AM
REPORTER - "What about the execution of the offense?"

JOHN McKAY - Tampa Bay Coach - "I'm all in favor of it".

Heath
10-03-2006, 11:13 AM
(Monday Night Football after Boomer Esiason threw a pass right-handed - He was a lefty QB)

DON MEREDITH - I didn't know ol' Boomer was amphibious.

RichRed
10-03-2006, 11:33 AM
"Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."

-- Joe Theismann

Matt700wlw
10-03-2006, 12:49 PM
Pat Summerall trying to pronounce "Houshmandzadeh"

GAC
10-03-2006, 08:35 PM
The only way to stop Jim Brown was to give him a movie contract - Spider Lockhart

1987 Shelby Metcalf, basketball coach at Texas A&M, recounting what he told a player who received four F's and one D: "Son, looks to me like you're spending too much time on one subject."

Oiler coach Bum Phillips: When asked by Bob Costas why he takes his wife on all the road trips, Phillips responded, "Because she is too ugly to kiss goodbye."

Redsfan08
10-03-2006, 09:17 PM
The Bengals have a superbowl trophy:p:

Danny Serafini
10-04-2006, 12:56 PM
Pat Summerall trying to pronounce "Houshmandzadeh"

"We'll just call him T. J., Pat." That was priceless.

Blimpie
10-04-2006, 03:05 PM
In the bathroom, an accountant, a lawyer and a farmer were standing side-by-side using the urinal.

The accountant finished, zipped up and started washing and literally scrubbing his hands... clear up to his elbows... he used about 20 paper towels before he finished. He turned to the other two men and commented, "I graduated from the University of Tennessee and they taught us to be sanitary."

The lawyer finished, zipped up and quickly wet the tips of his fingers, grabbed one paper towel and commented, "I graduated from the University of Louisville with a Law degree and they taught us to be environmentally conscious."

The farmer zipped up and as he was walking out the door said, "I graduated from the University of Kentucky and they taught us not to pee on our hands."

Caveat Emperor
10-04-2006, 06:40 PM
The farmer zipped up and as he was walking out the door said, "I graduated from the University of Kentucky and they taught us not to pee on our hands."

I'm not so certain that I'd be terribly proud of my school's reputation for producing intelligent farmers...

...just sayin' ;)

Blimpie
10-04-2006, 09:41 PM
I'm not so certain that I'd be terribly proud of my school's reputation for producing intelligent farmers...

...just sayin' ;)Point taken....alright, change that farmer to an architect.

Costanza rulzes.

Chip R
10-06-2006, 12:25 PM
The farmer zipped up and as he was walking out the door said, "I graduated from the University of Kentucky and they taught us not to pee on our hands."

I wonder what they did teach them to do on their hands? :evil:

http://www.deadspin.com/assets/resources/2006/10/sohappyforthescore.jpg

GAC
10-06-2006, 12:27 PM
I wonder what they did teach them to do on their hands? :evil:

count. ;)

texasdave
10-06-2006, 01:47 PM
The farmer zipped up and as he was walking out the door said, "I graduated from the University of Kentucky and they taught us not to pee on our hands."

At least we now know that Moises Alou isn't a UK grad.

Matt700wlw
10-06-2006, 03:18 PM
Point taken....alright, change that farmer to an architect.

Costanza rulzes.

Art Vandelay...Vandelay industries

Spring~Fields
10-08-2006, 10:50 PM
The Cleveland Browns attempted impersonating a professional football team today! :laugh:

GAC
10-09-2006, 04:47 AM
The Cleveland Browns attempted impersonating a professional football team today! :laugh:

That pass that bounced off of Northcutt's pads (which should have been caught), and then intercepted and ran back for a TD was simply ridiculous.

Bright spots? Winslow is really starting to look good. I beleive the Browns are starting to show improvement. But they are still finding ways to lose.

dman
10-09-2006, 05:32 AM
A little story about the Browns here. At one of my old jobs we had a driver who was a die-hard Browns fan. In '94/'95 when Art Model moved the team this guy was livid. Well, one day we decided to get him a feel good gift to ease his hard feelings:evil: . We put a blank piece of copy paper inside of a picture frame and one of our guys made a tab that said "1995 Cleveland Browns Team Photo". This guy didn't talk to us for nearly six months after that.

Spring~Fields
10-09-2006, 07:54 PM
That pass that bounced off of Northcutt's pads (which should have been caught), and then intercepted and ran back for a TD was simply ridiculous.

Bright spots? Winslow is really starting to look good. I beleive the Browns are starting to show improvement. But they are still finding ways to lose.

Last week I watched the Bengals for the first time this year, and this past Sunday I watched the Browns for the first time this year, we know the results of both. I wonder if I could get paid not to watch:evil:

StillFunkyB
10-09-2006, 10:47 PM
A guy from Cleveland dies and is sent to Hell. He had been a
horrible man his entire life. The devil puts him to work breaking up
rocks with a sledgehammer. To make it worse, he cranks up the
temperature and the humidity.

After a couple of days, the devil checks in on his victim to see
if he is suffering adequately. The devil is aghast as the Clevelander
is happily swinging his hammer and whistling a happy tune. The devil
walks up to him and says, "I don't understand this. I've turned the
heat way up, it's humid, you're crushing rocks; why are you so
happy?

The Clevelander, with a big smile, looks at the devil and
replies, "This is great! It reminds me of August in Cleveland. Hot,
humid, a
good place to work. It reminds me of home. This is fantastic!"
The devil, extremely perplexed, walks away to ponder the
Clevelander's remarks.

Then he decides to drop the temperature, send down a
driving rain and torrential wind. Soon, Hell is a wet, muddy mess.
Walking in mud up to his knees with dust blowing into his eyes, the
Clevelander is happily slogging through the mud pushing a wheelbarrow
full of crushed rocks.

Again, the devil asks how he can be happy in such conditions.
The Clevelander replies, "This is great! Just like April in Cleveland.
It reminds me of working out in the yard with spring planting!"

The devil is now completely baffled but more determined to make the
Clevelander suffer. He makes the temperature plummet.
Suddenly Hell is blanketed in snow and ice. Confident that this will
surely make the Clevelander unhappy, the devil checks in on him.

He is again aghast at what he sees. The Clevelander is dancing,
singing, and twirling his sledgehammer as he cavorts in glee.
"How can you be so happy? Don't you know its 40 below zero? "
screams the devil.

Jumping up and down, the Clevelander throws a snowball at the
devil and yells, "Hell's frozen over! This means the Browns won the
Super Bowl !