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View Full Version : Griffey breaks leg--per the Onion



sonny
03-21-2007, 04:48 AM
Sorry if this has been posted before but I came across this today on the Onion sports site


CINCINNATI—Although Ken Griffey Jr. had nearly recovered from a broken hand sustained while playing with his children in December, his rehabilitation came to a sudden halt yesterday when a gentle 2 mph breeze wafted across his leg, shattering his femur in three places. "I knew it was broken right when that breeze hit me," said Griffey, who was walking from his sports therapist's office to his car in order to drive to his daughter's piano recital at the time of the injury. "These things just happen. If I would have known a breeze like that was coming, I never would have left the house." Reds manager Jerry Narron has stated that, upon Griffey's return to the Reds, he will be fitted with a personalized protective bubble to be worn for the remainder of the season.

HumnHilghtFreel
03-21-2007, 05:20 AM
The Onion took a potshot at Griffey last season that was in poor taste didn't they?

Ravenlord
03-21-2007, 05:30 AM
The Onion took a potshot at Griffey last season that was in poor taste didn't they?
yep. had something to do with him developing cancer while both his parents were in treatment for it.

MrCinatit
03-21-2007, 07:05 AM
Yeah, they've done it before. (http://www.theonion.com/content/node/52040) Yawn...been there, done that.


CINCINNATI—Just days after the Reds centerfielder learned that his father Ken Sr. has prostate cancer and his mother Birdie would be undergoing surgery for colon cancer, a routine medical checkup Tuesday resulted in more bad news for Ken Griffey Jr., as doctors found a large malignant tumor on his right semitendinosus hamstring muscle. "This is the rarest and deadliest form of hamstring cancer," Reds trainer Mark Mann said. "The only way to eradicate the cancer is to go in and slice the three hamstring muscles completely in half and permanently remove them—as well as the three titanium screws holding them in place—from his leg." Next Wednesday, Griffey Jr. and Griffey Sr. are expected to become the first father-son duo to undergo chemotherapy together.

Hap
03-21-2007, 08:35 AM
Regardless of the lack of taste, in my opinion, it is a very weak attempt at humor.

RedFanAlways1966
03-21-2007, 08:38 AM
Regardless of the lack of taste, in my opinion, it is a very weak attempt at humor.

Seems to be a lot of that in regard to Ken Griffey Jr. lately. Do these humorists have day jobs?!?

MaineRed
03-21-2007, 09:08 AM
Seems to be a lot of that in regard to Ken Griffey Jr. lately. Do these humorists have day jobs?!?

I don't know but based on what you read about Griffey around here, I'd say these humorist are Red fans.

Jpup
03-21-2007, 09:20 AM
I don't know but based on what you read about Griffey around here, I'd say these humorist are Red fans.

I don't really call those folks fans.

redsmetz
03-21-2007, 09:38 AM
CINCINNATI—Although Ken Griffey Jr. had nearly recovered from a broken hand sustained while playing with his children in December, his rehabilitation came to a sudden halt yesterday when a gentle 2 mph breeze wafted across his leg, shattering his femur in three places. "I knew it was broken right when that breeze hit me," said Griffey, who was walking from his sports therapist's office to his car in order to drive to his daughter's piano recital at the time of the injury. "These things just happen. If I would have known a breeze like that was coming, I never would have left the house." Reds manager Jerry Narron has stated that, upon Griffey's return to the Reds, he will be fitted with a personalized protective bubble to be worn for the remainder of the season.

I agree the cancer faux story was in very poor taste (and wasn't very funny), this one strikes me as fairly humorous, particularly the highlighted bit at the end. And I suspect the writers do have day jobs - it's writing.

I even found a picture of it!

http://www.spitter.com/images/griffey_bubble.jpg

Caveman Techie
03-21-2007, 09:58 AM
Yeah the one about the cancer was in poor taste, but this one is actually funny. I'm a huge Griffey fan, but even I can see the humor in this one.

Wheelhouse
03-21-2007, 12:02 PM
I better there's some bitter Mariners fan at the Onion...

pedro
03-21-2007, 12:15 PM
We're talking about a paper who's headline the day after Jerry Garcia died was

"Head Dead Head Dead"

yeah, sometimes it's tasteless but it's usually pretty damn funny.

jmble
03-21-2007, 01:10 PM
The Onion is great, but they can't all be winners. If it's tasteless you want, this is about as bad as you get from The Onion, but I have to admit laughing after I read it.


Hideki Matsui Unable To Grasp Translator's Explanation Of Where Cory Lidle Is

October 19, 2006 | | Onion Sports

NEW YORK—Hideki Matsui's interpreter Roger Kahlon has been unable explain to the Yankees' Japanese-speaking left fielder that former teammate Cory Lidle died instantaneously last Wednesday after flying his four-seat, SR20 aircraft into a high-rise apartment building in Manhattan's Upper East Side. "At this point, I'm pretty sure [Matsui] thinks Lidle is either in his four-bedroom apartment or on a 20-minute plane ride to upstate New York," Kahlon said, adding that in order to make Lidle's whereabouts clear to Matsui, he has even resorted to making one of his hands into a plane, the other into a building, crashing them together, and making explosion noises. "This kind of thing just doesn't translate very well." According to Kahlon, the last time he asked Matsui where Cory Lidle was, a confused Matsui answered, "The bullpen."

Johnny Footstool
03-21-2007, 01:12 PM
I agree the cancer faux story was in very poor taste (and wasn't very funny), this one strikes me as fairly humorous, particularly the highlighted bit at the end. And I suspect the writers do have day jobs - it's writing.

I even found a picture of it!

http://www.spitter.com/images/griffey_bubble.jpg

http://www.spitter.com/spitter_griffey_bubble.htm

Actually, I wrote this article a few years ago. Did the photoshop of him in the bubble, too.

Looks like I'll be sending the Onion an email.

kaldaniels
03-21-2007, 01:15 PM
Sorry if this has been posted before but I came across this today on the Onion sports site


I thought the Onion was a fiction site. :evil:

Natty Redlocks
03-21-2007, 01:36 PM
http://www.spitter.com/spitter_griffey_bubble.htm

Actually, I wrote this article a few years ago. Did the photoshop of him in the bubble, too.

Looks like I'll be sending the Onion an email.

Good stuff. That line about Kremchek drilling holes in the players' heads to release evil spirits was hilarious.

TRF
03-21-2007, 01:39 PM
http://www.spitter.com/spitter_griffey_bubble.htm

Actually, I wrote this article a few years ago. Did the photoshop of him in the bubble, too.

Looks like I'll be sending the Onion an email.

ouch.

BTW, when can we expect some new spitter material? I need's me an Ask Oscar fix.

Johnny Footstool
03-21-2007, 02:01 PM
ouch.

BTW, when can we expect some new spitter material? I need's me an Ask Oscar fix.

Very doubtful we'll see any new Spitter stuff in the near future. The Onion Sports desk does it faster and an a higher volume than my once-a-month-maybe pace.

TRF
03-21-2007, 02:14 PM
I'd use their theft as a way to get in the door. Ask Oscar Gamble was some of your best stuff. It would play well on the onion.

Degenerate39
03-21-2007, 02:26 PM
Dumbest thing I've ever seen.

FlightRick
03-21-2007, 02:52 PM
I'm gonna go ahead and admit that not only did I think this was pretty funny and spot-on, but it also struck me as being not in the least bit cheap or in "bad taste."

Sheesh: you people probably didn't think it was funny when Norm MacDonald went on the "Daily Show" last fall and had 5 minutes of seriously-gut-busting material about the Crocodile Hunter being shish-ka-bobbed by a stingray, either....

MaineRed
03-21-2007, 04:33 PM
Actually, I wrote this article a few years ago. Did the photoshop of him in the bubble, too.

Looks like I'll be sending the Onion an email.

You could just send it to Ron Borges directly.

redsmetz
03-21-2007, 04:37 PM
http://www.spitter.com/spitter_griffey_bubble.htm

Actually, I wrote this article a few years ago. Did the photoshop of him in the bubble, too.

Looks like I'll be sending the Onion an email.

I saw the image on that and wondered if that was your's. Nice work.

HumnHilghtFreel
03-21-2007, 07:06 PM
I'm gonna go ahead and admit that not only did I think this was pretty funny and spot-on, but it also struck me as being not in the least bit cheap or in "bad taste."

Sheesh: you people probably didn't think it was funny when Norm MacDonald went on the "Daily Show" last fall and had 5 minutes of seriously-gut-busting material about the Crocodile Hunter being shish-ka-bobbed by a stingray, either....

No I wasn't really speaking to this piece, I was just fuzzy on whether or not they were the same ones who did the piece last year. I guess Griffey's become an easy target.

CINCYREDS#1
03-21-2007, 07:07 PM
griffey is pretty soft tho

Redsfan08
03-21-2007, 07:11 PM
Regardless of the lack of taste, in my opinion, it is a very weak attempt at humor.


I thought it was pretty funny

redsfan1966
03-21-2007, 07:45 PM
The Onion is a very funny site and paper...yes, sometimes the boundary of bad taste is pushed...but that is the nature of satire...hit or miss...

redsrule2500
03-21-2007, 08:48 PM
:laugh: nice

Eric_Davis
03-21-2007, 09:09 PM
This post needs to be removed. It's worse than harassment, name-calling, or any other rule REDSZONE can come up with.

paintmered
03-21-2007, 09:17 PM
This post needs to be removed. It's worse than harassment, name-calling, or any other rule REDSZONE can come up with.

1) It's satire

2) I'm not going to remove a post for something written by a 3rd party.

Johnny Footstool
03-23-2007, 11:39 AM
You could just send it to Ron Borges directly.

Who is that?

MaineRed
03-23-2007, 01:26 PM
Sportswriter from the Boston Globe who was supsended for reprinting material without crediting sources.

smith288
03-24-2007, 11:16 PM
This post needs to be removed. It's worse than harassment, name-calling, or any other rule REDSZONE can come up with.
Youre not serious are you?

TC81190
03-25-2007, 05:26 PM
The Onion is great, but they can't all be winners. If it's tasteless you want, this is about as bad as you get from The Onion, but I have to admit laughing after I read it.

Hideki Matsui Unable To Grasp Translator's Explanation Of Where Cory Lidle Is

October 19, 2006 | | Onion Sports

NEW YORK—Hideki Matsui's interpreter Roger Kahlon has been unable explain to the Yankees' Japanese-speaking left fielder that former teammate Cory Lidle died instantaneously last Wednesday after flying his four-seat, SR20 aircraft into a high-rise apartment building in Manhattan's Upper East Side. "At this point, I'm pretty sure [Matsui] thinks Lidle is either in his four-bedroom apartment or on a 20-minute plane ride to upstate New York," Kahlon said, adding that in order to make Lidle's whereabouts clear to Matsui, he has even resorted to making one of his hands into a plane, the other into a building, crashing them together, and making explosion noises. "This kind of thing just doesn't translate very well." According to Kahlon, the last time he asked Matsui where Cory Lidle was, a confused Matsui answered, "The bullpen."


What happened to Cory Lidle is extremely sad, and this article is in very very poor taste. Having said that, the bit about making hand gestures had me in tears. :laugh: