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GAC
10-07-2007, 08:48 AM
SF sent me this. How so true. ;)

Why Men Can't Win

If you work too hard, there is never any time for her. If you don't work enough, you're a good-for-nothing bum.

If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay, it's exploitation. If you have a boring repetitive job with low pay, you should get off your ass and find something better.

If you get a promotion ahead of her, it's favoritism. If she gets a job ahead of you, it's equal opportunity.

If you mention how nice she looks, it's sexual harassment. If you keep quiet, it's male indifference.

If you cry, you're a wimp. If you don't, you're insensitive.

If you make a decision without consulting her, you're a chauvinist pig, you *******. If she makes a decision without consulting you, she's a liberated woman.

If you ask her to do something she doesn't enjoy, that's domination. If she asks you, it's a favor.

If you try to keep yourself in shape, you're vain. If you don't, you're a slob.

If you buy her flowers, you're after something. If you don't, you're not thoughtful.

If you're proud of your achievements, you're an egotist. If you're not, you're not ambitious.

If she has a headache, she's tired. If you have a headache, you don't love her anymore, and you must be sleeping around.

Red in Chicago
10-07-2007, 10:15 AM
If she has a headache, she's tired. If you have a headache, you don't love her anymore, and you must be sleeping around.[/SIZE][/FONT]

What's this thing called a headache:p:

TeamCasey
10-07-2007, 10:52 AM
And don't you forget it!

Yachtzee
10-07-2007, 10:54 AM
That's what Adrian told Rocky anyway.

camisadelgolf
10-07-2007, 01:20 PM
I heard about a study involving the differences between men and women. There were two separate rooms--one full of men, the other full of women. What none of them knew was that they were each given a puzzle to complete that was impossible. The end result was that the women said, "We can't do it. We must not be smart enough," and the men said, "We can't do it. The puzzle's impossible." The conclusion they drew was that when something goes wrong, women are more likely to blame themselves. I think the more important thing to take from the study is that the men were more correct.

Falls City Beer
10-07-2007, 01:24 PM
I heard about a study involving the differences between men and women. There were two separate rooms--one full of men, the other full of women. What none of them knew was that they were each given a puzzle to complete that was impossible. The end result was that the women said, "We can't do it. We must not be smart enough," and the men said, "We can't do it. The puzzle's impossible." The conclusion they drew was that when something goes wrong, women are more likely to blame themselves. I think the more important thing to take from the study is that the men were more correct.

Or that men like to blame things other than themselves when they fail. :)

That's why we keep women around--Helen of Troy, Clytemnestra, Cleopatra, Joan of Arc, Lady Macbeth,--a cornucopia of excuses right there! A man doesn't need a maid; a man needs a scapegoat.

camisadelgolf
10-07-2007, 01:26 PM
Or that men like to blame things other than themselves when they fail. :)

That's why we keep women around--Helen of Troy, Clytemnestra, Cleopatra, Joan of Arc, Lady Macbeth,--a cornucopia of excuses right there! A man doesn't need a maid; a man needs a scapegoat.

Humor aside, that's actually another one of the conclusions they had.

Falls City Beer
10-07-2007, 01:29 PM
Humor aside, that's actually another one of the conclusions they had.

Absolutely. Men never blame themselves for their own shortcomings; it's a blessing and a curse. A blessing because it means that men are pretty persistent. A curse because men seldom improve their methods, thinking they've been right the whole time.

WMR
10-07-2007, 01:43 PM
Absolutely. Men never blame themselves for their own shortcomings; it's a blessing and a curse. A blessing because it means that men are pretty persistent. A curse because men seldom improve their methods, thinking they've been right the whole time.

There's so much to be said right here, but it all could be said only in the peanut gallery...

KittyDuran
10-07-2007, 02:13 PM
Absolutely. Men never blame themselves for their own shortcomings; it's a blessing and a curse. A blessing because it means that men are pretty persistent. A curse because men seldom improve their methods, thinking they've been right the whole time.My Dad is never wrong and has never said he's sorry... ;)

RFS62
10-07-2007, 02:38 PM
Women control 99% of the sex and all of the money.

What else is there?

Spring~Fields
10-07-2007, 03:21 PM
Or that men like to blame things other than themselves when they fail. :)

That's why we keep women around--Helen of Troy, Clytemnestra, Cleopatra, Joan of Arc, Lady Macbeth,--a cornucopia of excuses right there! A man doesn't need a maid; a man needs a scapegoat.

Don't forget Eve ! :)

RANDY IN INDY
10-07-2007, 04:16 PM
Women control 99% of the sex and all of the money.

What else is there?

Baseball;)

camisadelgolf
10-08-2007, 03:52 AM
Why is it when my girlfriend asks me to open a closet and find something, I can't find it for the life of me? Eventually, she gets fed up, walks over, and finds what she told me to get within two seconds as if it were a bright, neon-glowing, life-size, pure-gold statue of the Eiffel Tower. If I find it, then I just did what I was asked to do. If I don't find it, I'm dumber than the guy who put a Major League Baseball team in Montreal.

When she asks me to grab something out of the refrigerator, it could take me 20 minutes to find what she asked me to find, but it's like her hand is made of metal, and the bag of lettuce has some major magnetic pull. Sometimes, I think she asks me to find things for her in an attempt to humble me.

KittyDuran
10-08-2007, 05:52 AM
Why is it when my girlfriend asks me to open a closet and find something, I can't find it for the life of me? Eventually, she gets fed up, walks over, and finds what she told me to get within two seconds as if it were a bright, neon-glowing, life-size, pure-gold statue of the Eiffel Tower. If I find it, then I just did what I was asked to do. If I don't find it, I'm dumber than the guy who put a Major League Baseball team in Montreal.

When she asks me to grab something out of the refrigerator, it could take me 20 minutes to find what she asked me to find, but it's like her hand is made of metal, and the bag of lettuce has some major magnetic pull. Sometimes, I think she asks me to find things for her in an attempt to humble me.Hmmm... I call it "marriage training"....;)

GAC
10-08-2007, 06:04 AM
Women control 99% of the sex and all of the money.

What else is there?

How about...... THE HOME!

Husbands and kids have two basic rights

The right to reside, and the right to remain silent. Anything you say, do, and even forget to do, can and will be used against you.

Everything else is controlled by the wife. There is no such thing as a representative democracy in the home.

How it is decorated, the type of furniture, what color the walls and drapes are, what can/cannot be hung on the walls and placed on shelves.

They are the ultimate coordinators.

They are never satisfied when it comes to the order and cleanliness of THEIR home.

They have eyes like an eagle.

"Is that a bread crumb I see over there on the floor?"

"That can't go there! Who put that there? It looks ridiculous!"

"Is that a can of pop sitting on my nice new coffee table?"

"Pick that up! I don't know what it is, but I know it doesn't belong there!"

And when they are really in a mood....

"You people are pigs! Why is it I can't have anything nice around here?" :lol:

The other day My son knicked the wall in the hallway. He comes to me and says "Dad. Do we have any touch-up paint? I don't want Mom to see that.

I said "Son. It's too late. Even though she's at work and miles away, she probably heard it. Take your punishment like a man."

And you had better not come into the house with your shoes on. I don't care if you are the President of the United States. If he forgot to take his shoes off, then the SS couldn't protect him.

When we first got married I read an anniversary announcment in the paper. This couple was celebrating their 75th. I can't imagine someone being married that long. They asked the husband what he credits the endurance in their marriage. I never forgot his words.....

"I learned to give in."

Smart man. ;)

GAC
10-08-2007, 06:05 AM
Hmmm... I call it "marriage training"....;)

I found boot camp to be a piece of cake. :p:

GAC
10-08-2007, 06:07 AM
Baseball;)

The image of a woman with a bat in her hand frightens me. It would give new meaning to "hitting to make contact" (what else is there?) and slugging percentage! :D

Sweetstop
10-08-2007, 07:56 AM
Hearts and flowers, GAC, and I'm tuning up my violin.

GAC
10-08-2007, 07:58 AM
Hearts and flowers, GAC, and I'm tuning up my violin.

The enemy speaks!

But I'm not asking for sympathy. Battle hardened veterans don't need sympathy.... just the Bronze Star and a place at Arlington. :lol:

Roy Tucker
10-08-2007, 08:11 AM
Why is it when my girlfriend asks me to open a closet and find something, I can't find it for the life of me? Eventually, she gets fed up, walks over, and finds what she told me to get within two seconds as if it were a bright, neon-glowing, life-size, pure-gold statue of the Eiffel Tower. If I find it, then I just did what I was asked to do. If I don't find it, I'm dumber than the guy who put a Major League Baseball team in Montreal.

When she asks me to grab something out of the refrigerator, it could take me 20 minutes to find what she asked me to find, but it's like her hand is made of metal, and the bag of lettuce has some major magnetic pull. Sometimes, I think she asks me to find things for her in an attempt to humble me.

Retain this skill. They soon stop asking you to get stuff. It took me 10 years to figure this out. You are way ahead in the game.

redsmetz
10-08-2007, 09:16 AM
I know I've shared this here, but my younger daughter asked me if she could do something when she was maybe ten or twelve. I told her to ask mom and she retorted, "Dad, you can make a decision!". I replied that I might tell her no and mom will ask "why won't you let her do that?"; I may say yes and mom will ask "why did you tell her she could do that?". I finished by telling her, "go ask the parent who knows the answer."

[Caveat: I was hands on most of the time with my kids, so I'm really not a low-life lazy bum of a father - heck my 19 year old son wants me to come up to Columbus to see Bob Dylan with him! I've done a thing or two right]

Spring~Fields
10-08-2007, 11:40 AM
I have to ask this regardless of the risk. :eek:

Twice in my lifetime I have heard two say, "he's just too nice"
Anyone know what that means, "too nice" ? I never understood what that means, I thought that people wanted to be around nice people????? So if a guy is a jerk that's bad, and if a guy is too nice that's bad? :confused:

TeamCasey
10-08-2007, 12:13 PM
If someone is too nice then you need to be nice.

That's just too much pressure. :) Perhaps you just can't live up to that expectation.

It's similar to how quiet people make me nervous and uncomfortable.

Ltlabner
10-08-2007, 12:37 PM
I have to ask this regardless of the risk. :eek:

Twice in my lifetime I have heard two say, "he's just too nice"
Anyone know what that means, "too nice" ? I never understood what that means, I thought that people wanted to be around nice people????? So if a guy is a jerk that's bad, and if a guy is too nice that's bad? :confused:

I've usually interpreted "too nice" to mean, "too much of a pushover" or "too anxious to please". Nothing wrong with being nice, but having a spine and not defering to the other partners every last wish usually isn't too attractive for the long term.

Then again, what I know about women can be best summed up by "nothing".

durl
10-08-2007, 01:00 PM
Ah...the 3 words that every man must know in order to make their marriage work: "You're right, dear." :)

KronoRed
10-08-2007, 01:53 PM
Why is it when my girlfriend asks me to open a closet and find something, I can't find it for the life of me? Eventually, she gets fed up, walks over, and finds what she told me to get within two seconds as if it were a bright, neon-glowing, life-size, pure-gold statue of the Eiffel Tower. If I find it, then I just did what I was asked to do. If I don't find it, I'm dumber than the guy who put a Major League Baseball team in Montreal.

When she asks me to grab something out of the refrigerator, it could take me 20 minutes to find what she asked me to find, but it's like her hand is made of metal, and the bag of lettuce has some major magnetic pull. Sometimes, I think she asks me to find things for her in an attempt to humble me.

What I love is directions to find said objects like "you know it's behind that thing next to the big thing.."

Yes..that helps a bunch :confused:

Sea Ray
10-08-2007, 04:09 PM
I have to ask this regardless of the risk. :eek:

Twice in my lifetime I have heard two say, "he's just too nice"
Anyone know what that means, "too nice" ? I never understood what that means, I thought that people wanted to be around nice people????? So if a guy is a jerk that's bad, and if a guy is too nice that's bad? :confused:


According to my teenage nieces "too nice guys" lack a "cool factor." If you ask why they don't want to spend time with a certain "nice" guy they tell me "he lacks the cool factor."

Sea Ray
10-08-2007, 04:13 PM
Many years ago I gave up ever looking for something in my wife's purse. If she asks me to find something there I pickup the purse and throw it to her. No way I'll fumble through that again. Don't get suckered into "get me a pen, it's easy to find. It's just in that side pocket..." There's no easy side pocket on these things.

I'd recommend treating the closet the same way. Politely decline to ever look for something in your girlfriend's closet.

Ltlabner
10-08-2007, 05:17 PM
Many years ago I gave up ever looking for something in my wife's purse.

I don't know how it happened, but we were never allowed anywhere near my mothers purse. It wasn't like she explicitly told us, "don't get in my purse" but somehow we figured out that was mom's property and not to look in it.

On the very rare occasions I've gotten into Mrs. Ltlabners purse I've (1) asked for permission (2) gotten what I needed and got the heck out of dodge.

Falls City Beer
10-08-2007, 06:41 PM
I don't know how it happened, but we were never allowed anywhere near my mothers purse. It wasn't like she explicitly told us, "don't get in my purse" but somehow we figured out that was mom's property and not to look in it.

On the very rare occasions I've gotten into Mrs. Ltlabners purse I've (1) asked for permission (2) gotten what I needed and got the heck out of dodge.

How do you feel about your kids shuffling through your wallet?

Not for any real rational reason, but I don't like anyone messing with my wallet. Makes me nervous. It's a locus of my identity.

Ltlabner
10-08-2007, 06:53 PM
How do you feel about your kids shuffling through your wallet?

Not for any real rational reason, but I don't like anyone messing with my wallet. Makes me nervous. It's a locus of my identity.

I'm not a big fan of that either. I wouldn't go as far as saying it's the locus of my identity, but it's none of their business either.

Way I sees it, the purse is the womans private domain (as if I really wanted to get into that rats nest anyway :) ) while the husbands wallet is his.

pedro
10-08-2007, 06:56 PM
How do you feel about your kids shuffling through your wallet?

Not for any real rational reason, but I don't like anyone messing with my wallet. Makes me nervous. It's a locus of my identity.

who are you? George Costanza?

http://www.tellercounty.net/images/story-wallet1.jpg

RedFanAlways1966
10-08-2007, 08:16 PM
Two words that a man never wants to hear from their mate . Each one said by itself. These words actually have positive definitions in the dictionary. When your wife/girl says them to you, you know you've crossed that line. Continue to talk or try to explain yourself after she says one of these words and an argument is going to follow your foolishness to not shut up, apologize or admit that you are wrong. Sometimes when one of these two words is said a foot-stomp will accompany the word.

FINE! GOOD!

Never want to hear my wife say either of these words to me. Never...

GAC
10-08-2007, 08:47 PM
Many years ago I gave up ever looking for something in my wife's purse.

The only time I'm allowed to go into my wife's purse, and it's a designated area, is to retrieve ATM slips. Other then that, I don't want to know whats in her purse. I have an easier time finding stuff in the garage. :lol:

On the flip side - even though I don't care, she doesn't mess with my wallet.

She knows there's never anything in it! :lol:

Sea Ray
10-08-2007, 08:51 PM
The only time I'm allowed to go into my wife's purse, and it's a designated area, is to retrieve ATM slips. Other then that, I don't want to know whats in her purse. I have an easier time finding stuff in the garage.


I wish my wife felt that way. I want no part of digging into her purse yet she's often sending me fishing for her reading glasses or whatever.

Spring~Fields
10-08-2007, 09:21 PM
TeamCasey, Ltlabner, Sea Ray

Thanks for the responses.

After reading through the combination of those and reflecting back on the individuals that made the “too nice” comments, I think that a combining of the answers helps my understanding.

I was too dumbfounded at that time to ask them what they meant directly. I am sure I had huh and duh written all over my face back then as they were speaking the words, while looking me straight in the eyes. Plus I knew the guys they were speaking of and I felt uncomfortable.

camisadelgolf
10-09-2007, 04:23 AM
People always say I'm too concerned with how my girlfriend looks. Personally, I think it's the most important thing in a woman to be physically attractive. You see, it's a fact that I'm going to hate my girlfriend within ten years (but probably much sooner). However, if I'm going to hate her, I have to at least enjoy looking at her for a minimum of 20 years (by then, she's in her 40s and won't look good no matter what). By the way, since marriage is pretty much the worst thing in the world, that's why I will save it for someone I really, truly hate.

RedFanAlways1966
10-09-2007, 07:06 AM
(by then, she's in her 40s and won't look good no matter what).

Guess if you saw my wife (44 yrs. old), young man, you'd change your feelings on this subject. Maybe I am lucky to have a beautiful wife... even when she is in her mid-40's (and older than me by 3 years). But something that I appreciate more than her great looks is how she acts as a wife and mother. She cooks supper and does the dishes every night for us (me, 2 kids). She cleans the house when time allows. She will bend over backwards to help our children and shows love and affection to them.

I used to think like you when I was a young buck. I even stayed single until I was 37. Marriage? Not me. But once I found the right one and started understanding what is really important I changed my attitude. I do appreciate that my wife also thinks it is important to keep in shape (runs and works out every night) and keep herself looking pretty (makeup/hair/etc). But even if she tired of this, I'd love her for the person that she is.

By the way... most guys at my 20-year HS reunion had nothing to brag about as far as looks, hairlines and waist sizes go. With one exception of course, but I don't wanna brag! :)

GAC
10-09-2007, 08:47 AM
By the way... most guys at my 20-year HS reunion had nothing to brag about as far as looks, hairlines and waist sizes go.

It's been almost 15 years, but at our 20 year HS reunion, something happened there that validated that God not only exists, but pays back. ;)

There was this short, fat bald guy running all over the place. I'm not kidding, he looked like Danny DeVito except with blonde hair (what was left of it).

For most of the night I couldn't figure out who this guy was, so I asked a HS chum sitting next to me. When he told me his name I was simply astounded.... "You're kidding right? He looks like he shrank!"

He was our star RB on the football team, got letters in just about every sport man, one of the most popular guys in school (also a jerk), and the guy that every cheerleader longed for. He even dated one for a short bit.

After I was told who it was I just couldn't believe it; but several of us were smiling. :lol:

WVRed
10-09-2007, 09:49 AM
When Adam was in the garden, God told him that it wasn't good for him to be alone, and the conversation went something like this:

God: I am going to create a help-meet for you, and she will do everything to your liking. She will cook the best meals you will ever eat and will clean until everything is spotless. She will never get a headache and never complain. She will be entirely submissive to you in everything.

Adam: Sweet! What is this going to cost me?

God: Oh, I think an arm and a leg should cover it.

Adam: So, what can I get for a rib?

And the rest is history.:)

westofyou
10-09-2007, 10:08 AM
(by then, she's in her 40s and won't look good no matter what)

Ouch... youth turns its arrogant head. ;)

My wife turns 40 today, she looks dandy.

Ltlabner
10-09-2007, 10:13 AM
People always say I'm too concerned with how my girlfriend looks. Personally, I think it's the most important thing in a woman to be physically attractive. You see, it's a fact that I'm going to hate my girlfriend within ten years (but probably much sooner). However, if I'm going to hate her, I have to at least enjoy looking at her for a minimum of 20 years (by then, she's in her 40s and won't look good no matter what). By the way, since marriage is pretty much the worst thing in the world, that's why I will save it for someone I really, truly hate.

Wow.

Please tell us this is sarcasim or a joke.

Sea Ray
10-09-2007, 11:37 AM
My wife turns 40 today, she looks dandy.



Guess if you saw my wife (44 yrs. old), young man, you'd change your feelings on this subject. Maybe I am lucky to have a beautiful wife

Great, let's all chime in on how beautiful our wives are...:rolleyes:

westofyou
10-09-2007, 11:39 AM
Great, let's all chime in on how beautiful our wives are...:rolleyes:

OK.. let's talk about our boats and how much we like to make money instead.

Roy Tucker
10-09-2007, 11:53 AM
My wife floats my boat. ;)

Heath
10-09-2007, 12:08 PM
My wife floats my boat. ;)

Unfortunately, she's pulling you as an anchor.

:D

camisadelgolf
10-09-2007, 12:23 PM
Wow.

Please tell us this is sarcasim or a joke.

My girlfriend reads the board from time to time. We have an interesting sense of humor in our relationship. ;)

Chip R
10-09-2007, 12:38 PM
My girlfriend reads the board from time to time. We have an interesting sense of humor in our relationship. ;)


She'd have to if she reads the board. ;)

KittyDuran
10-09-2007, 12:48 PM
Great, let's all chime in on how beautiful our wives are...:rolleyes:Next thing you know someone will post pics of their wife in a revealing outfit...;)

Sea Ray
10-09-2007, 02:10 PM
OK.. let's talk about our boats and how much we like to make money instead.

Hey, if you want to start a thread on boats or making money, have at it. I'm happy for you...

westofyou
10-09-2007, 02:14 PM
Or better yet why don't I just play along with the *boys* and prolong stereotypes with tired stories about a womens age or their purses and closets?

redsfanmia
10-09-2007, 02:27 PM
I have a story that just happened today. I live in a very hard water town we just replaced our hot water heater about 14 months ago and last night while my wife was showering she ran out of hot water, no breakers were tripped or anything that I know how to fix (im not exacatly Mr. Fixit). I can fix simple things but it usually takes many tries and is very frustrating to me. She reminded me this morning to call someone out so I did and when she called to see what they said she made a comment about how it would cost us $200 when I could have fixed it myself for $40. If I would have tried to fix it myself she would have said isnt it worth hiring someone so you know its fixed right and you avoid your frustration. Damned if you do damned if you dont.

westofyou
10-09-2007, 02:29 PM
If I would have tried to fix it myself she would have said isnt it worth hiring someone so you know its fixed right and you avoid your frustration. Damned if you do damned if you dont.

It's the marriage way... and frankly hot water heaters are not the easiest thing to mess with, and if they go down you are screwed.

Some things are worth the cost.

Falls City Beer
10-09-2007, 02:30 PM
My wife's 42 and I'm 41. I like older women. :)

Strikes Out Looking
10-09-2007, 02:39 PM
Next thing you know someone will post pics of their wife in a revealing outfit...;)

I'd rather see Jose Lima's wife;)

redsfanmia
10-09-2007, 02:39 PM
It's the marriage way... and frankly hot water heaters are not the easiest thing to mess with, and if they go down you are screwed.

Some things are worth the cost.

It was worth the cost and I now have the afternoon to go ride my bike:thumbup:.

westofyou
10-09-2007, 02:41 PM
It was worth the cost and I now have the afternoon to go ride my bike:thumbup:.

Great tradeoff... road or off road?

I'm stuck on the trainer myself, too cold and wet for anything outside this week... and to make it worse the window on off road is closing quickly.

RBA
10-09-2007, 02:46 PM
I'm not allowed to look in my wife's purse too. But I'm allowed to take it to her at a public location. I had to take it to her at Disneyland this weekend from the parking lot. Little did I know it was "Gay Days Anaheim" weekend and all the "participates" wore red shirts to identify themselves. So I carried her purse while wearing my Cincinnati Reds t-shirt from the parking lot to Fanstansy Land where she was with the kids.

westofyou
10-09-2007, 02:47 PM
But I'm allowed to take it to her at a public location

Or hold it whilst she goes to the bathroom.

IT"S A EUROPEAN CARRY ALL!!!

A What?

A PURSE!!!

redsfanmia
10-09-2007, 03:06 PM
Great tradeoff... road or off road?

I'm stuck on the trainer myself, too cold and wet for anything outside this week... and to make it worse the window on off road is closing quickly.

On road, I just started basically trying to keep in shape and I find I really enjoy riding my bike. I am kicking around the idea of training for a sprint triathalon next summer so i am trying to get my riding legs back.

Spring~Fields
10-09-2007, 03:29 PM
There was this short, fat bald guy running all over the place. I'm not kidding, he looked like Danny DeVito except with blonde hair (what was left of it).

For most of the night I couldn't figure out who this guy was, so I asked a HS chum sitting next to me. When he told me his name I was simply astounded.... "You're kidding right? He looks like he shrank!"

He was our star RB on the football team, got letters in just about every sport man, one of the most popular guys in school (also a jerk), and the guy that every cheerleader longed for. He even dated one for a short bit.

After I was told who it was I just couldn't believe it; but several of us were smiling. :lol:

Very tempting to hazard a guess! Sheeze too much mom in me. :lol:
It reads almost like a trivia question. :)

gm
10-09-2007, 07:13 PM
Women control 99% of the sex and all of the money.

What else is there?

The TV remote

gm
10-09-2007, 07:25 PM
It's the marriage way... and frankly hot water heaters are not the easiest thing to mess with, and if they go down you are screwed.

Some things are worth the cost.

I replaced the thermostat thingy on the side of our HWH about 5 years ago and it started cranking out hot water again. Got the thingy at Home Depot. (I'm not always so lucky with home improvements, though)

Neighbor across the street had their HWH explode a few years back, I don't think they were messing with it

vaticanplum
10-09-2007, 08:23 PM
I just remembered why I'm not married. Not that I forgot.

paintmered
10-09-2007, 08:26 PM
I just remembered why I'm not married. Not that I forgot.

I just remembered why I'm not getting married for at least 10 years. Maybe my girlfriend will be out of residency by then.

She's my ticket to retirement at 35. ;)

Falls City Beer
10-09-2007, 08:27 PM
I just remembered why I'm not married. Not that I forgot.

Why? Because you become a self-parody when you marry?

Don't believe everything you read.

But as I've said before, and can't say enough: it's not for everyone. I think more and more Americans are finally realizing that. Which is good for everyone, IMO.

GAC
10-09-2007, 09:13 PM
Why? Because you become a self-parody when you marry?

Don't believe everything you read.

Exactly. Parody it is. Men-women, husbands-wife have been lampooning and satirizing their relationship since the beginning of time.

I hope no one thinks or interprets my intent in posting this was to degrade woman and/or marriage. It wasn't. If so - lighten up. It was humor. If we can't poke fun of ourselves (and this is GAC talking), then I don't now what to say.

A similar thread could be started on the idiosyncrasies of the husband in marriage. And it would be just as realistic and funny. Especially in my case.

Been married for 25 years to one wonderful woman. Don't know where I'd be without her. I have no regrets and wouldn't want it any other way.

But if people are looking for perfection in marriage, that "perfect" mate, then they'll probably never get married. ;)

vaticanplum
10-09-2007, 09:50 PM
Why? Because you become a self-parody when you marry?

Don't believe everything you read.

But as I've said before, and can't say enough: it's not for everyone. I think more and more Americans are finally realizing that. Which is good for everyone, IMO.

More like reading stuff like this reminds me of the sheer mental energy and analysis that has to go into marriage, which to me can only take time away from truly important things, such as baseball stat-keeping, playing with imaginary dogs, and choregraphing figure skating routines in the dining room. Who has the time to be married?

I'm not as down on it as I used to be, actually. My main point is and always has been that marriage is a legal commitment more than anything else, and there are plenty of good reasons to do it in that sense, but as a mutual commitment and a declaration of love I don't think it carries the necessative weight that it did in the past. (And for the record, my religion agrees with me.) But I do now at least realize that people's minds change and are changed an awful lot over even short periods of time, nothing is never.

Falls City Beer
10-09-2007, 10:02 PM
More like reading stuff like this reminds me of the sheer mental energy and analysis that has to go into marriage, which to me can only take time away from truly important things, such as baseball stat-keeping, playing with imaginary dogs, and choregraphing figure skating routines in the dining room. Who has the time to be married?

I'm not as down on it as I used to be, actually. My main point is and always has been that marriage is a legal commitment more than anything else, and there are plenty of good reasons to do it in that sense, but as a mutual commitment and a declaration of love I don't think it carries the necessative weight that it did in the past. (And for the record, my religion agrees with me.) But I do now at least realize that people's minds change and are changed an awful lot over even short periods of time, nothing is never.

Marriage saves time. Having kids doesn't.

vaticanplum
10-09-2007, 10:47 PM
Marriage saves time. Having kids doesn't.

I cannot possibly believe that marriage saves time. If you guys can prove this to me, with numbers, I will...I dunno. bake a cake or something.

KronoRed
10-09-2007, 11:07 PM
I have no stats but I am a big cake fan...

Umm..married people usually travel together in the car, saving time and gas.

Cake? :)

M2
10-09-2007, 11:11 PM
More like reading stuff like this reminds me of the sheer mental energy and analysis that has to go into marriage

Well, a bad one, sure.

RBA
10-09-2007, 11:11 PM
A stitch in time saves time. (referring to a type of elective surgery for males)

Falls City Beer
10-09-2007, 11:18 PM
I cannot possibly believe that marriage saves time. If you guys can prove this to me, with numbers, I will...I dunno. bake a cake or something.

Four hands work more efficiently than two. Division of labor. When I got married (or rather when I began living together with my soon-to-be-wife) my household choreload got cut in half--and so did hers.

Living alone eats it (unless you can afford a maid).

There are many other reasons that marriage (or cohabitation with a partner who is not a friend) saves time, but I've got sleep to catch, so I'll spare you the efficiency speech...

Spring~Fields
10-10-2007, 12:37 AM
I hope no one thinks or interprets my intent in posting this was to degrade woman and/or marriage. It wasn't. If so - lighten up. It was humor. If we can't poke fun of ourselves (and this is GAC talking), then I don't now what to say.


Yes, I don't want to come across that way either, because I would be dead wrong to. I have often had a thought, that the women of the world might have a case for a class action suit against the males of the world just by reviewing the history books and court records.

TeamCasey
10-10-2007, 05:35 AM
Unfortunately, she's pulling you as an anchor.

:D


:D:D:D

Ltlabner
10-10-2007, 06:21 AM
More like reading stuff like this reminds me of the sheer mental energy and analysis that has to go into marriage, which to me can only take time away from truly important things, such as baseball stat-keeping, playing with imaginary dogs, and choregraphing figure skating routines in the dining room. Who has the time to be married?

Huh?

Don't be a jerk to your spouse. Try to put their needs first. If something in on your mind say it, don't try to hint around and get the other person to guess what you are thinking. Realize that your spouses wishes are everybit as valid as yours.

That's about the exent of "mental energy and analysis" that goes into marriage, IMO.

Don't over think it. Put the energy burned up by over-analyizing into actually doing something for your spouse. Then sit back and enjoy your time together. It's pretty simple actually...people just seem to make it harder than it actually is.

Just my $.02

camisadelgolf
10-10-2007, 06:47 AM
I think this is very accurate and well-written. It makes me have doubts about marriage.

http://www.adequacy.org/stories/2002.1.21.92146.1408.html
Sometimes, people refer to the "freedom" of unmarried life. This is often mistaken as the freedom to have impulsive, unattached sexual escapades. In fact, most of us know that such behavior is irresponsible and dangerous.

More practically, unmarried frequent sexual freedom is generally unachievable for most people. It really only exists in television and adult movies. In fact, the sexual freedom of singledom is mostly the freedom to spend evenings calling 1-900 numbers, watching porn, and coming up with clever new nicknames for adult chat rooms ("Hello, Welhung Johnson").

Really, post-nuptial sexual freedom is a pretty minimal issue. The real freedom lost is a much larger and more serious concern.

It is the freedom to get through a day without having to debate, discuss, and defend every damn little decision you make.

I am quite serious about this. Unmarried people cannot possibly imagine what it is like.

Consider a typical unmarried person's day: On the way home from work, he/she decides to stop off at the grocery store and pick up something to eat. Perhaps instead of the grocery store, the unmarried person decides to stop in at a restaraunt and spend a few bucks for a convenient, tasty, prepared meal. Either way, the decision is made quickly and with no accountability to anyone else.

This is simply not possible for a married person. A married person making the same decision must call the spouse, ask if he/she needs anything from the store, wait for a list, answer the question what time he/she will be home, listen to any complaints or problems that popped up during the day, etc.

And woe to the married person who doesn't call first. Decide to blow off the grocery store and just grab a burger and there will be hell to pay -- "Why didn't you ask if I wanted to go? Why didn't you tell me you would be late?"

Realize this: Once you get married, you will never be able to make a decision for yourself without explaining it and/or defending it. Anything you do can and will be called into question. You are now 100% accountable to somebody else for your every thought and action.

And it's not just evening meal choices -- oh no. Your weekend plans, the television channels you watch, even your friends are now all fair game. You will have to defend personal choices that you never imagined would be questioned. You will have to defend personal choices that are, frankly, nobody else's damn business. And you had better defend your choices well or they will be changed to your spouse's choices.

I'm not advising against marriage. I am simply providing the information I wish someone had given me. No matter how happy the marriage appears, there will always be a battle of wills raging beneath the surface.

To the married people reading this: I'm sorry to shatter the illusion.

To the unmarried people reading this: You have been warned.

vaticanplum
10-10-2007, 09:07 AM
Huh?

Don't be a jerk to your spouse. Try to put their needs first. If something in on your mind say it, don't try to hint around and get the other person to guess what you are thinking. Realize that your spouses wishes are everybit as valid as yours.

That's about the exent of "mental energy and analysis" that goes into marriage, IMO.

Don't over think it. Put the energy burned up by over-analyizing into actually doing something for your spouse. Then sit back and enjoy your time together. It's pretty simple actually...people just seem to make it harder than it actually is.

Just my $.02

Well, at the risk of sounding simplistic, I think it depends on the people. That's what makes your marriage work, not marriage itself.

RFS62
10-10-2007, 09:10 AM
I think this is very accurate and well-written. It makes me have doubts about marriage.

http://www.adequacy.org/stories/2002.1.21.92146.1408.html
Sometimes, people refer to the "freedom" of unmarried life. This is often mistaken as the freedom to have impulsive, unattached sexual escapades. In fact, most of us know that such behavior is irresponsible and dangerous.

More practically, unmarried frequent sexual freedom is generally unachievable for most people. It really only exists in television and adult movies. In fact, the sexual freedom of singledom is mostly the freedom to spend evenings calling 1-900 numbers, watching porn, and coming up with clever new nicknames for adult chat rooms ("Hello, Welhung Johnson").

Really, post-nuptial sexual freedom is a pretty minimal issue. The real freedom lost is a much larger and more serious concern.

It is the freedom to get through a day without having to debate, discuss, and defend every damn little decision you make.

I am quite serious about this. Unmarried people cannot possibly imagine what it is like.

Consider a typical unmarried person's day: On the way home from work, he/she decides to stop off at the grocery store and pick up something to eat. Perhaps instead of the grocery store, the unmarried person decides to stop in at a restaraunt and spend a few bucks for a convenient, tasty, prepared meal. Either way, the decision is made quickly and with no accountability to anyone else.

This is simply not possible for a married person. A married person making the same decision must call the spouse, ask if he/she needs anything from the store, wait for a list, answer the question what time he/she will be home, listen to any complaints or problems that popped up during the day, etc.

And woe to the married person who doesn't call first. Decide to blow off the grocery store and just grab a burger and there will be hell to pay -- "Why didn't you ask if I wanted to go? Why didn't you tell me you would be late?"

Realize this: Once you get married, you will never be able to make a decision for yourself without explaining it and/or defending it. Anything you do can and will be called into question. You are now 100% accountable to somebody else for your every thought and action.

And it's not just evening meal choices -- oh no. Your weekend plans, the television channels you watch, even your friends are now all fair game. You will have to defend personal choices that you never imagined would be questioned. You will have to defend personal choices that are, frankly, nobody else's damn business. And you had better defend your choices well or they will be changed to your spouse's choices.

I'm not advising against marriage. I am simply providing the information I wish someone had given me. No matter how happy the marriage appears, there will always be a battle of wills raging beneath the surface.

To the married people reading this: I'm sorry to shatter the illusion.

To the unmarried people reading this: You have been warned.


If that's your idea of a healthy marriage or relationship, no wonder you're against it.

That's about the most immature and simplistic description I've ever heard of what marriage or committed relationships are about.

Roy Tucker
10-10-2007, 09:22 AM
Eh. I've been single, I've been divorced, I've lived with someone, and I've been married. I'll take married, thank you. Works for me.

There are 80 bazillion ways for marriages to work (or to fail, for that matter). You just need to find one that works for you and the potential spouse.

westofyou
10-10-2007, 09:48 AM
If that's your idea of a healthy marriage or relationship, no wonder you're against it.

That's about the most immature and simplistic description I've ever heard of what marriage or committed relationships are about.

No kidding...

camisadelgolf
10-10-2007, 09:57 AM
If that's your idea of a healthy marriage or relationship, no wonder you're against it.

That's about the most immature and simplistic description I've ever heard of what marriage or committed relationships are about.

I'm not against marriage. I'm going to marry someone because I need the money and health benefits. With my current situation, I might even marry so I can legally live in a different country. Still, what are the benefits of being married that I can't get from a longterm girlfriend?

Sea Ray
10-10-2007, 10:17 AM
I agree Marriage is not for everyone. I won't go into the pros and cons here but I will make this politically incorrect statement: If you're going to have kids I do urge you to get married. That is what's best for the kid. Otherwise to each his own.

gonelong
10-10-2007, 01:42 PM
I'm not against marriage. I'm going to marry someone because I need the money and health benefits. With my current situation, I might even marry so I can legally live in a different country. Still, what are the benefits of being married that I can't get from a longterm girlfriend?

What's in it for me? If that is the extent of your question than you are better off not getting married. That is the kind of attitude that will pretty much ensure that you end up with a life like the post above.

I have been married for 10 years and haven't experienced anything that would even remotely resemble your first post.

GL

Falls City Beer
10-10-2007, 01:42 PM
I think single life has just as many illusions viz. "freedom" as does married life.

"Freedom" can be a yoke that cripples. The world's tough--especially when you're by yourself. It's a lot easier when you've got someone to fight the darkness with. I don't want to sound like some exclusivist married person, but to some extent, unless you've been in a very long-term relationship, you don't really have a sense of what it is to be in a good marriage. Yeah, it's antiquated; sure it's a political/philosophical nightmare for some; but for me it's not really a "lifestyle" choice either--it's as essential a part of who I am as the air I breathe or the food I eat.

There's a reason one spouse dies soon after the other.

Falls City Beer
10-10-2007, 01:45 PM
Still, what are the benefits of being married that I can't get from a longterm girlfriend?

For you? Maybe none. I don't know. That's something you'll have to figure out for yourself.

As far as the legal institution of marriage? Well, I believe in oaths and commitments; they give life meaning--the necessary tension. And no, I'm not kidding.

Ltlabner
10-10-2007, 03:32 PM
Well, at the risk of sounding simplistic, I think it depends on the people. That's what makes your marriage work, not marriage itself.

Well that may be true. OTOH, I'd be supprised if there is a couple out there that needs one partner to be a consistant jerk to be sucessfull. Or for one partner to never consider the other partners needs. Or for one partner to never consider the other partners needs as valid. It may *work* (I guess) but I can't imagine many folks here raising their hands to say, "giveme some of that".

The cool thing about the ideas I outlined is that they apply to everbody. I only said don't be a jerk to your spouse. I didn't define what being a jerk meant. It's going to be different for everybody. I said to try to put your spouses needs first...I didn't define what those needs were as again, they will be different for everyone.

If you really think the things I outlined are not some of the keys to a successfull marriage, I'd be interested to hear how exactly they would hurt a marriage. Certinally everyone is different and some couples need more from their marriage above and beyond what I listed. Seems to me, however, that my list is a pretty good start.

But fankly the concepts that support a healthy, happy marriage are pretty simple. So there's really no "analysis" to it as you mentioned in your first post. It's the implentation of those concepts that is so dang hard.

vaticanplum
10-10-2007, 08:33 PM
Well that may be true. OTOH, I'd be supprised if there is a couple out there that needs one partner to be a consistant jerk to be sucessfull. Or for one partner to never consider the other partners needs. Or for one partner to never consider the other partners needs as valid. It may *work* (I guess) but I can't imagine many folks here raising their hands to say, "giveme some of that".

The cool thing about the ideas I outlined is that they apply to everbody. I only said don't be a jerk to your spouse. I didn't define what being a jerk meant. It's going to be different for everybody. I said to try to put your spouses needs first...I didn't define what those needs were as again, they will be different for everyone.

If you really think the things I outlined are not some of the keys to a successfull marriage, I'd be interested to hear how exactly they would hurt a marriage. Certinally everyone is different and some couples need more from their marriage above and beyond what I listed. Seems to me, however, that my list is a pretty good start.

But fankly the concepts that support a healthy, happy marriage are pretty simple. So there's really no "analysis" to it as you mentioned in your first post. It's the implentation of those concepts that is so dang hard.

I think you have a point there. The great marriages I've seen have varied in a lot of ways, but they all seem to have one thing in common: consideration. People who are happily married never seem to take for granted that there's another person in the room. And I'm talking about the smallest possible things: asking if the TV is too loud, checking if the other person wants a drink while you're up, that sort of thing. And I have noticed how much this rubs off on kids too -- the kids produced from marriages like this that I've seen are just naturally nice to people and better prepared to build relationships with people. And they're not pushovers or anything like that; if anything, they're just comfortable and confident enough not to worry about themselves all the time. For me personally, I have noticed that when my relationships fall apart, daily consideration and thoughtfulness have disappeared. I never even really know which thing caused the other, but they always happen together. Consideration is probably the simplest thing of all, but the first ignored and often one of the most devastating when it's lost.

I obviously have no real wisdom or experience to back up my opinions when talking about marriage. But the whole reason I am so fascinated by these conversations, and can't stay away from them, is because married people love to talk about marriage. And they do love to analyze it -- even you, talking about how that's not a part of it, that's what you're doing. So maybe it's after the fact than an actual part of the institution, but that's what I see from my perspective. Analysis and time.

As for the "simple" concept of putting your spouse's needs first...you can't tell me that's not tetchy territory requiring a great deal of analysis and thought. It's necessary sometimes, not at others, and I can't imagine that picking those situations apart isn't extremely murky at times. I would say that at some of those times it could hurt a marriage, definitely.

GAC
10-10-2007, 09:32 PM
I'm not against marriage. I'm going to marry someone because I need the money and health benefits. With my current situation, I might even marry so I can legally live in a different country.

All I can say is "Wow!".


Still, what are the benefits of being married that I can't get from a longterm girlfriend?

Forgive me, but that statement, in and of itself, sounds kinda selfish. And I'm not saying that to be judgmental of you. It just stood out at me. The only reason you're in a relationship is for what benefits YOU get out of it? What about the other person in that relationship?

What are the benefits of not marrying, but simply being in a longterm relationship? The ability to be able to walk away whenever YOU want?

Marriage isn't for everyone. And before marrying, for the most part, couples should be prepared and understand what marriage involves before making that commitment. And it does involve commitment and sacrifice. Marriage is about two, not one. And if you have kids, that number goes up. And those are two key principles, IMHO, that people who speak out against marriage are either scared of and want to avoid. And that is fine. If there are those that value that "freedom" they have, and feel marriage will infringe upon that, then they should never get married because it will, sadly enough, probably end up in divorce.

But I have come to see that those sacrifices I have made (as well as my wife) are overwhelmed by the benefits of our marriage.

But I have found the following to be the case with woman more then men .... woman are looking more for that security in a relationship then the man. And that security is overall defined by the commitment involved in marriage. It's the next step. One should never marry if love is not involved. That's just my opinion. I understand that people marry for all types of other reasons.

To me - when a man says they like a longterm relationship over marriage, what they are saying, again, IMHO, is that their commitment will only go so far. They want that option of the "easy out", to be able to walk away, when they want to.

So IMO, there really is no commitment there, or it's giving off a very false (or superficial) sense of such.

But there are many benefits to being married.

And as FCB already mentioned..... single life has it's "illusions" too. ;)

Falls City Beer
10-10-2007, 09:48 PM
I think you have a point there. The great marriages I've seen have varied in a lot of ways, but they all seem to have one thing in common: consideration. People who are happily married never seem to take for granted that there's another person in the room. And I'm talking about the smallest possible things: asking if the TV is too loud, checking if the other person wants a drink while you're up, that sort of thing. And I have noticed how much this rubs off on kids too -- the kids produced from marriages like this that I've seen are just naturally nice to people and better prepared to build relationships with people. And they're not pushovers or anything like that; if anything, they're just comfortable and confident enough not to worry about themselves all the time. For me personally, I have noticed that when my relationships fall apart, daily consideration and thoughtfulness have disappeared. I never even really know which thing caused the other, but they always happen together. Consideration is probably the simplest thing of all, but the first ignored and often one of the most devastating when it's lost.

I obviously have no real wisdom or experience to back up my opinions when talking about marriage. But the whole reason I am so fascinated by these conversations, and can't stay away from them, is because married people love to talk about marriage. And they do love to analyze it -- even you, talking about how that's not a part of it, that's what you're doing. So maybe it's after the fact than an actual part of the institution, but that's what I see from my perspective. Analysis and time.

As for the "simple" concept of putting your spouse's needs first...you can't tell me that's not tetchy territory requiring a great deal of analysis and thought. It's necessary sometimes, not at others, and I can't imagine that picking those situations apart isn't extremely murky at times. I would say that at some of those times it could hurt a marriage, definitely.

I'm really not trying to be blunt or overly reductive, but people like talking about marriages because people like talking about interpersonal relationships.

It means that people get to talk about themselves.

Roy Tucker
10-11-2007, 08:56 AM
I think you have a point there. The great marriages I've seen have varied in a lot of ways, but they all seem to have one thing in common: consideration. People who are happily married never seem to take for granted that there's another person in the room. And I'm talking about the smallest possible things: asking if the TV is too loud, checking if the other person wants a drink while you're up, that sort of thing. And I have noticed how much this rubs off on kids too -- the kids produced from marriages like this that I've seen are just naturally nice to people and better prepared to build relationships with people. And they're not pushovers or anything like that; if anything, they're just comfortable and confident enough not to worry about themselves all the time. For me personally, I have noticed that when my relationships fall apart, daily consideration and thoughtfulness have disappeared. I never even really know which thing caused the other, but they always happen together. Consideration is probably the simplest thing of all, but the first ignored and often one of the most devastating when it's lost.

I obviously have no real wisdom or experience to back up my opinions when talking about marriage. But the whole reason I am so fascinated by these conversations, and can't stay away from them, is because married people love to talk about marriage. And they do love to analyze it -- even you, talking about how that's not a part of it, that's what you're doing. So maybe it's after the fact than an actual part of the institution, but that's what I see from my perspective. Analysis and time.

As for the "simple" concept of putting your spouse's needs first...you can't tell me that's not tetchy territory requiring a great deal of analysis and thought. It's necessary sometimes, not at others, and I can't imagine that picking those situations apart isn't extremely murky at times. I would say that at some of those times it could hurt a marriage, definitely.

Interesting comments, vp.

I hadn't thought about the "niceness" aspect of things. We generally do that around our household (both spouses and children). I've always thought of it as a combination logistical/kindness sort of thing.

For example. if I'm up getting a bowl of ice cream, I'll ask if anyone else wants some. Some of that is because I know if I get some only for me, after I sit down someone will say "gee, that looks good" while giving me a puppy-dog look. So I might as well get it over with while I'm standing up. Plus, in the back of my mind I'm hoping that someone will do it for me in the coming days. And not to mention, it's a good thing to practice random acts of kindness. It begets more kindness, something the world can use more of.

Much of marriage is learning how to get along with someone and learning who they are. And I won't kid you that its all rainbows and unicorns. I got married when I was 32 and was set in my single ways. I didn't mean to be selfish, but when I was the only person to take care of, I had done what I pleased for a while. To unlearn (i.e. grow up) that took some time and effort (and pain and introspection).

And my wife and I have been married for 22 years now. Indeed, we've had some "tetchy" times trying to figure out each others hot buttons (both the bad and the good ones), what each other wants out of life, how to make those goals congruent, how to give each other freedom while staying together (I do anything I can to make sure my wife gets out with her friends), and just stay together. All while keeping a full-time challenging job and raising 3 children. It takes some real effort. I liken it the old plate spinning guy on the Ed Sullivan Show.

But the rewards are immense. As the years pass, it actually gets a little scary. My wife and I have started looking alike, we very often have the same thoughts at the same time, we like to do the same things, we actually enjoy spending time together, and the same carries through to my kids. A lot of couples and families look for times to escape from each other while we're always looking for ways to spend *more* time together. We're friends, lovers, pals, fellow parents, business partners, champions for each other, can't imagine life without each other, and generally joined at the hip.

And I think married people like to talk about marriage because it is an enormously complex, difficult, rewarding, and integral task to pull off. And for however number of people in the world there are, there is that number of ways to make it work. My wife and I are the unlikeliest couple you'll ever see (she the good Catholic girl, me the divorced wild man, and 8 years difference) and everyone said it would never last.

It's not for the faint of heart, but if you want to fully participate in the festival of life and experience the full spectrum in all of its richness and fullness (both good and bad), it's the way to go. It is a bit like jumping off the high dive or riding the scariest roller coaster. Scares the pee out of you, but you want to keep doing it.

Of course, all in my opinion, your mileage may vary, tax and title extra, and shipping and handling not included.

GAC
10-11-2007, 08:57 AM
My daughter got her driving privileges back this morning. I thuink she learned something from the experience. If not, then it will be 60 days the next time. ;)

RFS62
10-11-2007, 09:03 AM
Superb post, Roy.

GIK
10-11-2007, 10:53 AM
Nice post, Roy. I've only been married ~18 months and, trust me, we've been through our ups and downs...but it's been a great experience. I'm fairly individualistic with strong opinions (ie, when I think I'm right, I'm always right) but I've actually changed a lot. My wife doesn't let me run over her...and I'm happy for that. She's really helped me become a better man, IMO. There are times when we don't see eye-to-eye and I want to be left alone, but overall it has been a blessing.

TeamSelig
10-11-2007, 12:29 PM
If you sum up the concept of marriage, it is basically just giving up.

Giving up on your previous lifestyle. Giving up on arguments. Thats the main thing for me. It is hard to just let the other win an argument, but you gotta do it or your life will suck. And eventually she will do the same.

dabvu2498
10-11-2007, 12:51 PM
If you sum up the concept of marriage, it is basically just giving up.

Giving up on your previous lifestyle. Giving up on arguments. Thats the main thing for me. It is hard to just let the other win an argument, but you gotta do it or your life will suck. And eventually she will do the same.

It's called unselfishness. And it's a good thing... In marriage and everywhere else.

gonelong
10-11-2007, 12:58 PM
If you sum up the concept of marriage, it is basically just giving up.

I guess I am one of the lucky few then. My concept of marriage is that I traded up, and I do my best to ensure that Mrs. Gonelong feels the same.

GL

Roy Tucker
10-11-2007, 01:01 PM
If you sum up the concept of marriage, it is basically just giving up.

Giving up on your previous lifestyle. Giving up on arguments. Thats the main thing for me. It is hard to just let the other win an argument, but you gotta do it or your life will suck. And eventually she will do the same.

I'd say the concept is more growing up. Marriage files off the rough edges.

Learn how to argue fairly. Learn how to listen well and consider the viewpoints. Learn how to make good judgments based on the facts. Learn how to keep your temper. Accept that sometimes you're wrong. Learn how to listen to that little voice that tells you what the right thing is.

Learn how to look at your life and see if it is going in the direction you want. Is it a constructive path? Do you have a value system? Are you true to those values? Do you want to be?

And consider whether or not you are ready or at least willing to allow yourself to be confronted with these (and more) questions and to take them seriously.

There was a time in my life when I wasn't. I don't think it was ever a conscious decision, but I avoided getting in even the same county as marriage. I was a wild-ass boy and had to work those demons out before I was ever ready to even consider marriage.

camisadelgolf
10-11-2007, 01:31 PM
Has anyone here in a successful marriage had the problem of wanting to spend less time with the other person while the other person wants to spend more time together? I have that problem with every girlfriend I've ever had.

Chip R
10-11-2007, 01:45 PM
Has anyone here in a successful marriage had the problem of wanting to spend less time with the other person while the other person wants to spend more time together? I have that problem with every girlfriend I've ever had.


Perhaps you haven't found the right girl yet if that's the case.

westofyou
10-11-2007, 01:58 PM
Has anyone here in a successful marriage had the problem of wanting to spend less time with the other person while the other person wants to spend more time together? I have that problem with every girlfriend I've ever had.

Wouldn't that actually constitute an unsuccessful marriage by definition? I can't see how one could have a succesful marriage if that was to happen.

It's quite the conundrum question wise though, kinda like "Could Jesus heat a burrito in the microwave so hot he couldn't eat it?"

camisadelgolf
10-11-2007, 01:59 PM
Perhaps you haven't found the right girl yet if that's the case.

The thought crossed my mind. I need to find a woman who doesn't like me. I've been trying for years, but I don't think it's possible. :(

919191
10-11-2007, 02:01 PM
The thought crossed my mind. I need to find a woman who doesn't like me. I've been trying for years, but I don't think it's possible. :(

There are enough ladies on RZ now you could probably post a poll to learn their opinion on that.:)

Roy Tucker
10-11-2007, 02:04 PM
The thought crossed my mind. I need to find a woman who doesn't like me. I've been trying for years, but I don't think it's possible. :(

Well now, that's a problem. In more ways than one.

BRM
10-11-2007, 02:10 PM
If I didn't realize how good I've got it before I read this thread, I certainly know it now.

Falls City Beer
10-11-2007, 02:25 PM
There are a good many non-candidates for marriage on this thread.

Chip R
10-11-2007, 02:29 PM
The thought crossed my mind. I need to find a woman who doesn't like me.


You've got it rough, my man.

BRM
10-11-2007, 02:34 PM
There are a good many non-candidates for marriage on this thread.

No doubt.

GAC
10-11-2007, 09:04 PM
If you sum up the concept of marriage, it is basically just giving up.

Giving up on your previous lifestyle. Giving up on arguments. Thats the main thing for me. It is hard to just let the other win an argument, but you gotta do it or your life will suck. And eventually she will do the same.

If one thinks their "previous lifestyle" is so fantastic, and is apprehensive about wanting to let it go, then they shouldn't get married.

And dabvu hits on why...


It's called unselfishness. And it's a good thing... In marriage and everywhere else.

IMHO, a majority of marriages end - and I realize there are other valid reasons/causes too - because of one's selfishness.

I've seen that happen in my own immediate family. There are four of us siblings. Two of them ended because of the the selfishness (and IMO, immaturity) of one of the partners.

My younger brother, who is now in his late 40's, married very young. A one night stand produced a child and he wanted to do the right thing and married the girl. I give him credit for that. It was 4 very turbulent years. My brother wanted his cake and to eat it too. He wanted to continue to hang out with his buds, party, and basically do his thing. Then when he was done he'd go home to his wife and kid. It was all about him.

I love my brother to death, and we are very close; but he has also had an irresponsible and immaturity streak in him.

In the time since then, he has had relationships with a couple woman. They lived together, and in those particular instances, the woman screwed him over (one cheated on him), and they broke up.

He has been in a very solid relationship with a woman for the last 6-7 years. My brother, as he has gotten older, has wised up and also grown up. She's a good woman and one can see they are very compatible. They've bought a house together. She wants to get married. But my brother won't.

IMO why not? Apprehension over how previous relations turned out. Even though things are going well he still wants, as some sort of precaution, to have "one foot out the door" in case he wants to exit.

The other day I buddy of mine said the following, which I thought was not only profound but humorous.....

"We still act like we are dating. When we argue, then we're married."

GAC
10-11-2007, 09:14 PM
I think sometimes, when I hear people talk about marraige and relationships - and I guess being older I'm referring to the younger generation - it appears to be alot like a Seinfeld epiosde.

Jerry, George, Elaine, and Kramer. Four people who couldn't understand why they couldn't find that "perfect" mate. Yet every time they were in a relationship with someone, and it appeared it was getting serious, they found a way to knitpick, find something trivial wrong with the other person, in order to end the relationship. Was it due to their own insecurities and being so superficial?

I don't think anyone who is married will deny that it involves sacrifice and unselfishness on both parties parts. There are obviously things I've given up for marriage. But when I look at it overall, the positives have outweighed it all. I really don't miss some of those "things" I use to try to hold onto so dearly. They proved to be insignificant compared to the other.