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TeamBoone
03-08-2008, 01:39 PM
Baseball Season Preview: Cincinnati Reds

For the third consecutive season, we are proud to introduce the Deadspin Baseball Season Previews. Yes, baseball is awfully close now; it's spring training, after all.

Every weekday until the start of the season, a different writer will preview his/her team. We asked a gaggle of writers, from the Web, from print, from books, to tell us, in as many or as little words as they need, Where Their Team Stands. This is not meant to be factual, or dispassionate, or even logical: We just asked them to riff on why they love their team so much, or what their team means to them, or whatever.

Today: The Cincinnati Reds. Your author is Clay Travis.

Clay Travis writes the ClayNation column for CBS Sportsline. His words are after the jump.

---------------------------

Let's be honest, the Cincinnati Reds are not going to win anything this year. They're going to lose. Probably by late July you'll realize that you have no real reason to go to the games. The last time the Reds were in the postseason was 1995. Yep, 13 long years ago. That was back when finding pictures of naked women required real work and cyber sex was still just two fat men from Troy, Michigan's wildest dream.

So if you go to Cincinnati you're going to need something to do to keep yourself occupied when the Reds aren't trying to scrape together their first winning reason since 2000. With that in mind I've alternated a painstaking analysis of the 2008 season with things you can do in Cincinnati when you're lamenting another losing season.

1. 2008 will be the first season since 1944 that the recently deceased Joe Nuxhall has not been associated with the Cincinnati Reds. Before I start taking shots at everyone, Joe Nuxhall was the reason I ended up a Reds fan. The Reds games were broadcast on our local Fox affiliate in Nashville and on my first trip to Cincinnati at the age of 8, I met Nuxhall in the lobby of the downtown Hyatt (where the Reds gift shop was.) Nuxhall was sitting a table wearing a polo shirt, plaid shorts and white socks up to his knees. After much prodding from my dad I shook Nuxhall's hand and said we enjoyed watching the Reds games he and Marty Brennaman called. Nuxhall looked at me and said, "Hell, son I didn't know we were on in Nashville." He'll be missed.

2. Visit Kentucky. At some point you'll be wondering around in downtown Cincinnati at 8 at night and think you're in Pyongyang and Kim Jong-Il has just been assassinated. Every cab driver you meet will sing the praises of night life in Kentucky. You'll go to Kentucky. This says volumes about Cincinnati.

3. Dusty Baker is now the Reds manager. Hooray. I've always felt what every major league city needs is an old man who still wears batting gloves and wristbands. Fortunately for Baker he'll likely have five right-handed starting pitchers to run into the ground by the All-Star break. Seriously, five starting right handers?

4. Take a riverboat cruise on the Ohio River. Because, trust me, there's much more to the Ohio River than the murky brown water you can see from the shores of Ohio and Kentucky. For instance you might get lucky and see Joe Morgan on the bow of the boat and get to hear him say, "Clay, did you know that Pete Rose told me that rivers such as the Ohio used to be really important to our nation's commerce? Because, you see, there were no interstates back in the 1800's. People couldn't even drive their cars anywhere. They kept them in barns...or sometimes large silos."

5. Franciso Cordero is the latest Reds savior having been recently signed as a closer to a 4 year, $46 million dollar deal. Using the same math that brought Ken Griffey, Jr. such big money success on the banks of the Ohio, this roughly equates to $4 million dollars per save. Or to make the analogy clearer, what Rob Dibble spent on transvestite hookers each year in the Nasty Boys era. Cordero is also listed at 32 and from the Dominican Republic. This means he's actually older than Jack Armstrong.

6. Pretend you are a native Cincinnatian and participate in a race riot.

7. Brandon Phillips, Ken Griffey, Jr. and Adam Dunn each hit 30 home runs last year. Phillips and Dunn are 26 and 28, respectively. This is very promising. And Philips at four years for $27 million is either going to turn out to be a tremendous steal for the Reds or one of those deals that other teams in the NL Central laugh about for the next half-decade. There will be no middle ground.

8. Go to the Underground Railroad Museum next door to the Reds Stadium. Just for fun keep asking Joe Morgan where to buy your ticket.

9. Joey Votto is rumored to be the next great thing at first base for the Reds. Formerly rumored great Reds first baseman Hal Morris thinks Joey Votto isn't smart enough to play basketball for the Bearcats. This is an ominous sign.

10. Head to the zoo. I hate to say it's an indictment of a city when the zoo is a top tourist attraction. But...it's an indictment of a city when the zoo is a top tourist attraction.

11. Ryan Freel has an imaginary voice in his head he calls Farney. This is the man who replaced Ken Griffey, Jr. in center field because "it gives us a stronger defense up the middle." Baseball stars die slow and cruel deaths.

12. Eat Skyline Chili. Or just stick your finger in your ******* and rub it on ramen noodles. Bingo, you've experienced Cincinnati's finest cuisine.

http://deadspin.com:80/365180/baseball-season-preview-cincinnati-reds

OnBaseMachine
03-08-2008, 01:45 PM
Wow. What a jackass.. I wish I could have those two minutes back of my life that I wasted on reading that garbage.

Falls City Beer
03-08-2008, 01:50 PM
"Hey, hey, I say really inflammatory stuff....

Hey, hey, read me!.....Inflammatory stuff!

Hey, hey, I do with language what child molesters do with their hands!

Read me!"

Caveat Emperor
03-08-2008, 01:58 PM
It's rare I get to read a piece of writing that is both racially insensitive and as snarky as your better celebrity gossip blogs.

Thank you, Clay.

westofyou
03-08-2008, 02:06 PM
Quality stuff... for the bird cage.

M2
03-08-2008, 02:07 PM
As I read it, I wondered could Clay Travis be The Don?

pedro
03-08-2008, 02:09 PM
It's rare I get to read a piece of writing that is both racially insensitive and as snarky as your better celebrity gossip blogs.

Thank you, Clay.

no kidding.

Chip R
03-08-2008, 02:09 PM
Before I start taking shots at everyone, Joe Nuxhall was the reason I ended up a Reds fan.


I'd hate to see what he'd have written if he weren't a fan.

Unassisted
03-08-2008, 02:16 PM
I'm surprised that word #11 in item #12 made it past the RedsZone naughty words filter. Despite the fact that most of the list will be regarded as if it was expelled from someone's word #11, there are a few grains of cold, hard truth there.

Matt700wlw
03-08-2008, 02:20 PM
Wow, that was insightful...

Falls City Beer
03-08-2008, 02:25 PM
I'm surprised that word #11 in item #12 made it past the RedsZone naughty words filter. Despite the fact that most of the list will be regarded as if it was expelled from someone's word #11, there are a few grains of cold, hard truth there.

Hey, I might have paid attention to all those criticisms of the city (in a baseball article) if the author hadn't made his own embarrassment the thesis of the piece.

OnBaseMachine
03-08-2008, 02:28 PM
I think he was deadwrong on his assessment of the town of Cincinnati. I personally love the place, so much that I plan on moving there within the next year or two. I love everything about the place, from the Reds to the great food, better looking girls and such.

Falls City Beer
03-08-2008, 02:32 PM
I think he was deadwrong on his assessment of the town of Cincinnati. I personally love the place, so much that I plan on moving there within the next year or two. I love everything about the place, from the Reds to the great food, better looking girls and such.

I'll say this for Cincinnati: it doesn't pretend to be something it's not. And while I wish it were things that it is not sometimes, I respect many of its comforts and idiosyncrasies. I still call it home, FWIW.

Matt700wlw
03-08-2008, 02:36 PM
The street cars will be the cure all ;)

TOBTTReds
03-08-2008, 02:40 PM
There are some nice new places to go downtown for the younger crowd (21 and over) right around 7th? and Sycamore I believe. And they will be building the newport-esque area in the next few years.

camisadelgolf
03-08-2008, 02:47 PM
I disagree with most of what he said, but as far as I can tell, he did a good job of accomplishing what he intended. The more people fuss about what he wrote, the better job he did.

RedsManRick
03-08-2008, 03:24 PM
It's deadspin. Par for the course.

red-in-la
03-08-2008, 04:47 PM
I'll say this for Cincinnati: it doesn't pretend to be something it's not. And while I wish it were things that it is not sometimes, I respect many of its comforts and idiosyncrasies. I still call it home, FWIW.

Yeah, it could be another Ohio city that pretends it is hip that sits next to the most polluted body of water this side of the East River and whose main attraction is the Rock 'n Roll hall of shame.....

Whose baseball team's name is in and of itself racially insensitive.

I think clowns like this guy should spend a few evenings shopping in East Los Angeles.....he may find a new appreciation of downtown Cincinnati at night.

Reds Freak
03-08-2008, 05:19 PM
I'm not responding to the article because there's no need to but to clear some misperceptions about Cincinnati if you haven't been there in a while...There has been a rebirth and revitalization that is continuing to transform downtown and OTR. New restaurants and bars are opening, Fountain Square looks beautiful, attractions are seeing increased attendance, and upcoming projects like Queen City Square, the Banks, and the streetcar promise to continue the transformation. With the new development and a growing number of residents, crime rates are plummeting, downtown and OTR have some of the lowest crime rates in the city of Cincinnati. The race riots were what? Eight years ago?

I apologize, I had to vent a little, I always get worked up when people portray downtown and OTR as a war zone and the only safe place to step outside your SUVs is in Kentucky...

Unassisted
03-08-2008, 05:25 PM
I'm surprised that word #11 in item #12 made it past the RedsZone naughty words filter.
I see now that this is no longer the case. Good catch, gentlemen. :thumbup:

MrCinatit
03-08-2008, 05:40 PM
So, uh, did he talk about baseball in there at all?

cincrazy
03-08-2008, 05:41 PM
http://deadspin.com:80/365180/baseball-season-preview-cincinnati-reds

This guy is a moron. I didn't even finish reading the story, he doesn't deserve the time.

BoydsOfSummer
03-08-2008, 05:45 PM
At first I thought it was going to be clever or witty. Clever or witty would have been nice.

jojo
03-08-2008, 06:00 PM
The street cars will be the cure all ;)

I'm still waiting for the subway....

Ltlabner
03-08-2008, 06:05 PM
The street cars will be the cure all ;)

I thought they were trolley's ?

KronoRed
03-08-2008, 06:17 PM
Don't start that again :rant:
;)

Virginia Beach Reds
03-08-2008, 07:17 PM
I'm not going to opening day or many other games this year since Clay Travis says the season is over. I used to love Cincinnati before reading this inciteful piece, now I can't stand it since Clay Travis thinks its the armpit of the US.

cincinnati chili
03-08-2008, 07:55 PM
Most people not native to the area will think this is funny. I'm a native and I actually thought aspects of it were funny. Let's face it. Cincinnati is no Paris, and perhaps we should take a joke or two.

But I'd expect a slam of Cincinnati to come from somebody who grew up in Paris or Montreal or some other cosmopolitan mecca full of fine entertainment and cuisine.

If you've spent any length of time in Nashville (where this guy's from), you probably agree that it makes Cincinnati look like Courisant. Particularly if you're not a fan of country music and don't consider Cracker Barrel to be elegant dining.

Falls City Beer
03-08-2008, 08:05 PM
Most people not native to the area will think this is funny. I'm a native and I actually thought aspects of it were funny. Let's face it. Cincinnati is no Paris, and perhaps we should take a joke or two.

But I'd expect a slam of Cincinnati to come from somebody who grew up in Paris or Montreal or some other cosmopolitan mecca full of fine entertainment and cuisine.

If you've spent any length of time in Nashville (where this guy's from), you probably agree that it makes Cincinnati look like Courisant. Particularly if you're not a fan of country music and don't consider Cracker Barrel to be elegant dining.

I didn't even read the whole thing, but I didn't find it funny. And I'm not a defensive homer.

It's a baseball column, right?

Caveat Emperor
03-08-2008, 08:06 PM
Cincinnati is no Paris, and perhaps we should take a joke or two.

Because race riots are hillarious, right?

vaticanplum
03-08-2008, 08:17 PM
This guy also did the Reds season preview for deadspin last year, and he did a fabulous job. One of the better pieces of writing I've read on the Reds in recent years and one of the best team previews the site has ever had. It had a very nostalgic bent but was funny enough to avoid sentimentality.

I guess he covered what he could about the team last year and had to revert to trashing the city this year. Just ran out of material. Well, that's the issue of talent, I guess. Anybody can be great at something once.

MartyFan
03-08-2008, 08:23 PM
CBS has a sports department?

SandyD
03-08-2008, 08:24 PM
I'm not a native or resident, and didn't find it funny. Not sure why some writers must slam a city in a sports column. Especially on topics locals are likely to be sensitive about like racial issues.

The Baumer
03-08-2008, 08:32 PM
Are you guys really upset over this? It's an obvious joke (most would say it's more sarcastic and crass than funny, but we can agree it's purposefully ignorant). The guy is being paid to take shots at Dusty Baker's batting gloves and to exaggerate a team's flaws. He isn't getting paid to give an accurate, analytical season preview.

Do you get angry at a comedian becaused he pretends to hate airline food? "Your description of airline food is not factual, sir. The statistics show nausea and stomach ache when flying has more to do with the erratic motion of the plane than the food! Also, you lie when you say the food killed you. You are not dead. You are obviously alive. I don't know why this comedy club booked you! You have no business doing comedy!"

Also, if you are upset about the use of racist sentiments being used for comedy, there are better places to start being offended and dismayed than this article.

Falls City Beer
03-08-2008, 08:38 PM
Are you guys really upset over this? It's an obvious joke (most would say it's more sarcastic and crass than funny, but we can agree it's purposefully ignorant). The guy is being paid to take shots at Dusty Baker's batting gloves and to exaggerate a team's flaws. He isn't getting paid to give an accurate, analytical season preview.

Do you get angry at a comedian becaused he pretends to hate airline food? "Your description of airline food is not factual, sir. The statistics show nausea and stomach ache when flying has more to do with the erratic motion of the plane than the food! Also, you lie when you say the food killed you. You are not dead. You are obviously alive. I don't know why this comedy club booked you! You have no business doing comedy!"

Also, if you are upset about the use of racist sentiments being used for comedy, there are better places to start being offended and dismayed than this article.

My beef with it is that it's not funny. It's noise.

SandyD
03-08-2008, 08:40 PM
Intended as a joke doesn't mean it's funny. Not finding it funny doesn't mean I'm offended.

lollipopcurve
03-08-2008, 08:41 PM
Further on up the road, Mr. Travis will look back at that piece with contempt for himself.

vaticanplum
03-08-2008, 08:42 PM
My beef with it is that it's not funny. It's noise.

And back to Baumer's original point, I'm also pretty sure he wasn't paid. Maybe that's part of the problem.

I agree, I'm not offended, I just think it's lazy journalism. Nothing to say to he reverts to potshots in effort to be funny. And bad comedy is the worst.

These clips aren't supposed to be great pieces of journalism though. They're basically glorified fan perspectives, so the quality runs quite a gamut.

The Baumer
03-08-2008, 08:45 PM
I got that. But some people are bringing up civil rights and journalistic integrity, all because a "comedy" blog writer took "comedic" liberties in his "comedy" article at the Reds expense.

If anything is really funny in this thread it's that right there. Maybe if MLK Jr. had started each of his speeches by reading excerpts from DeadSpin, the crowds would have been more sensitive to racial injustice and it would have shaved 5-10 years off the movement.

Vada Pinson Fan
03-08-2008, 08:46 PM
I'm going to print that article out and allow my dog to make his donation upon that piece of _ _ _ _. Wonder if that guy has a photo of himself online just in case my pooch has a little more to add! :censored:

Falls City Beer
03-08-2008, 08:55 PM
And back to Baumer's original point, I'm also pretty sure he wasn't paid. Maybe that's part of the problem.

I agree, I'm not offended, I just think it's lazy journalism. Nothing to say to he reverts to potshots in effort to be funny. And bad comedy is the worst.

These clips aren't supposed to be great pieces of journalism though. They're basically glorified fan perspectives, so the quality runs quite a gamut.

As Mama said: do it well or don't do it.

vaticanplum
03-08-2008, 09:01 PM
As Mama said: do it well or don't do it.

My mama never said that. My mama said, "suffer for beauty." That is why you have a career and I have an obscene amount of party dresses.

jojo
03-08-2008, 09:24 PM
My mama never said that. My mama said, "suffer for beauty." That is why you have a career and I have an obscene amount of party dresses.

My momma said, "You got to know when to hold em, know when to fold em, know when to walk away and know when to run. You never count your money when youre sittin at the table. Therell be time enough for countin when the dealins done."

No wait, that was Kenny Rogers. :cool:

KronoRed
03-08-2008, 09:33 PM
Your mama is Kenny Rogers?

WMR
03-08-2008, 09:42 PM
Your mama is Kenny Rogers?

Great chicken.

BCubb2003
03-08-2008, 09:50 PM
My mama said there'd be days like this ... so shop around.

jojo
03-08-2008, 09:52 PM
Your mama is Kenny Rogers?

This should clear up the confusion:


No wait, that was Kenny Rogers.

My momma would've beat him at the card table though....

Reds Nd2
03-08-2008, 09:56 PM
Most people not native to the area will think this is funny.

It wasn't the most gut bustingly funny thing I've ever read, but I did get a couple of chuckles from it. It would have been funnier, and more accurate, if he had mentioned Gold Star instead of Skyline.


I didn't even read the whole thing, but I didn't find it funny. And I'm not a defensive homer.

It's a baseball column, right?

It wasn't meant to be a column just about baseball. The author states that he's alternating analysis of the team with things to do in Cincinnati.


Because race riots are hillarious, right?

I'm curious, but if the author had left out that one line about race riots, would everyone still be upset with the article?

Rojo
03-08-2008, 10:23 PM
I think he stuck his finger up his *** and used it to type. Too bad there's no funnycheck on MS/Word.

Unassisted
03-09-2008, 01:11 AM
I think he stuck his finger up his *** and used it to type. Too bad there's no funnycheck on MS/Word.I might be touching the third rail here, but I thought the Nuxhall anecdote was funny. It doesn't fit in at all with the current canonization movement, but it felt true to my perception of what men of Nuxhall's era were like when they had a couple of beers in them back when I was a kid.

cincinnati chili
03-09-2008, 03:41 AM
Because race riots are hillarious, right?

Race riots are not funny. But it's accurate to say that race riots have occurred in Cincinnati in the last decade. Something that no other major city in the US (as far as I can recall) can admit to. It's satire. Maybe not the best satire, but I don't think the guy was seriously encouraging race riots.

Deadspin is about 70% comedy and 30% sports. Some of their stuff is really, really funny. This piece wasn't their best work, but I think we're wound a little tight on this issue.

OldRightHander
03-09-2008, 04:22 AM
My mama never said that. My mama said, "suffer for beauty." That is why you have a career and I have an obscene amount of party dresses.

In my career, wearing a party dress wouldn't go over too well. I doubt that I would look good in one anyway.

Caveat Emperor
03-09-2008, 05:09 AM
I'm curious, but if the author had left out that one line about race riots, would everyone still be upset with the article?

Maybe, maybe not. I thought the line about Skyline was juvenile, but other than that the article was just unfunny and mean spirited. Nothing terribly offensive.

And yeah, the race riot thing bothers me -- not because he said it, but because I'm fairly confident that he's just picking on what he perceives to be an easy target. I don't think this guy would have the onions to make Katrina jokes in a New Orleans piece or murdered girl jokes in a Duke-UNC rivalry piece.

I don't see why the first is acceptable while the second two would be in completely poor taste.

Screwball
03-09-2008, 07:29 AM
This piece wasn't their best work, but I think we're wound a little tight on this issue.

Maybe, but dude's over there takin' pot shots at our city. I think if the piece wasn't so terribly unfunny (though it tries so, so hard to be), folks would be more willing to concede any legitimate and relevant points he had to make.

Chip R
03-09-2008, 11:27 AM
I might be touching the third rail here, but I thought the Nuxhall anecdote was funny. It doesn't fit in at all with the current canonization movement, but it felt true to my perception of what men of Nuxhall's era were like when they had a couple of beers in them back when I was a kid.


I thought it was a good anecdote and not at all inconsistent with the way Joe has been portrayed since his passing.

Rojo
03-09-2008, 02:26 PM
Race riots are not funny. But it's accurate to say that race riots have occurred in Cincinnati in the last decade. Something that no other major city in the US (as far as I can recall) can admit to. It's satire.

If you're going to "go there" then you'd better be real funny. All he does is basically reference it like he does with Baker wearing wristbands. Yes, he wears them, now where's the punchline?

BCubb2003
03-09-2008, 02:50 PM
If you're going to "go there" then you'd better be real funny. All he does is basically reference it like he does with Baker wearing wristbands. Yes, he wears them, now where's the punchline?

I agree. There's dumb and funny, there's dumb, shocking and funny, and there's dumb and attempting to shock.

When it comes to baseball satire, I miss the stylings of Johnny Footstool.

*BaseClogger*
03-09-2008, 06:40 PM
I thought the Joe Morgan things were funny...

Now... insulting Skyline? :censored:

OldRightHander
03-09-2008, 07:01 PM
I thought it was pretty juvenile too, but one thing still bugs me when it comes to the riots. The last time I checked, that was something that happened in Over the Rhine, an area that any native recognizes as a part of Cincinnati, but outside of Cincinnati all we ever hear is that the riots were in Cincinnati. It's not just Cincinnati that gets this treatment. Every city is treated that way. There are some nasty things that happen in a particular neighborhood and it's portrayed as if the city as a whole has whatever the problem it is. Every city has those parts of town that you just don't want to go, and it's unfair to any city to use that neighborhood to judge the whole town. I'm not excusing Cincinnati or saying we don't have our share of issues, but I'd really like it if the city didn't just get painted with one broad brush whenever something happens in a certain part of the city.

StillFunkyB
03-09-2008, 07:30 PM
The Joe Morgan stuff was the only parts that were funny.

The rest of it was just complete garbage, and insulting on top of it.

They let anybody write stuff now. The sad thing is this guy gets paid to write crap like that.

*BaseClogger*
03-09-2008, 07:54 PM
Is this an example of confusing blogs with journalism, or is this an exception because he works for CBS?