View Full Version : Family situations that you can't help with

04-05-2008, 11:23 AM
I have two brothers both going thru bad situations and I hate it because I feel there is nothing I can do to help.

1. One brother was married for 15 years and very faithful to his wife. He admits to being a homebody and probably didnt go out and about with his wife as much as he should have. His wife was always overweight but to him it didnt affect his need for love/companionship from her. Approximately 2 years ago she decided to have stomach stapling and its as if the minute that knife opened her up the woman my brother knew disappeared. She told him out of the blue a week b4 Thanksgiving 2006 she no longer loved him and wanted a divorce. Thanks to this woman either directly or indirectly my brother has pretty much lost everything he ever had(a house they just bought in Jan 06 foreclosed on, a job he had had for about 15 years, any self-esteem he ever had). Meanwhile,the ex got remarried 4 months after the divorce became final and she just had a baby by the new hubby a month ago. My brother spends most of his days now just going on on and on about it but there is nothing I can say or do to help and it is just aggravating.

2. My other brother is in poor medical shape. He is going thru kidney dialysis.He will have to quit work soon due to his condition. My brother is 48 and looks 60. The medical bills are overwhelming. He has told family members he is concerned now about losing his home. I have told him I will do anything I can do to help and the family has pitched in some $$ here and there but we live paycheck to paycheck as it is but once again ultimately its as if there is nothing I can do to help either brother.

04-05-2008, 11:48 AM
There are always things that you can do to help, unfortunately we are human and we feel helpless because we can't fix it and make the hurt go away. I would continue to be there for your brothers like you have been doing. My best advice to you is take their minds elsewhere, if they are Reds fans talk about the game. If they like hunting talk about that. Anything to give there mind a rest from the current situation they are in.

04-05-2008, 09:00 PM
Take brother 1 out. Try to network with your woman to help him out. Even if he doesn't find someone right away, I think it will help with the healing process. Try to get him to move forward and see himself with another woman. You said he is a homebody, so you will have to talk him into doing a group date most likely. Go to a Reds game and out to eat, something like that.

As for brother two, I'm not sure if he will be able to get some kind of insurance or government aid to help pay. Let him know he can stay with you or find someone willing to take him in and that it is completely fine that way his worries will settle a little. KoryMacs advice is good about getting their minds off of their problems. I think just talking to them every day for a good period of time will do wonders. Make sure they know you will always be there. Not much else you can do.

Good luck and hope everything works out for them.

George Foster
04-05-2008, 10:57 PM
Brother 1 needs a girlfriend. His marriage is over. If I were single, I would do the internet dating sites. It's a great way to get to know someone a little bit before the first date. You will find a lot of jilted women who just want to find somebody as well. There could be a very nice lady in the next county who justs wants to find a partner. They would never meet each other if it were not for the internet. What could it hurt?

Brother 2 of course needs a kidney. Has everybody in the family been tested to see if they are a match? Does he go to church? If he does I would not be ashamed to ask if their was anyone in the church that would give the gift of life to your brother. You would be surprise the number of good hearted people there still are in the world.

My uncle got a kidney about 2 years ago....he's a new man with a 25 year old kidney. He is 65.

04-08-2008, 06:30 PM
Well i went thru something similar with your brother#1.. My ex didn't remarry, but had a baby with a guy that was married and she divorced me for him... i will admit it took me 8 months of going thru "what did i do wrong.. etc.." and at the 8 month mark was when the paperwork needed to be signed. at the last secoind while living with that guy she told me she didnt really want a divorce.. i signed the papers anyway.. I didnt trust her any longer and i finally got over her. today we are friends because we have a child together. I lost alot.. i lost seeing my son everyday, to losing alot of child support money and it took me along time to adjust.. Tell him not to go looking for anybody till your ready.. i tried and i found myself talking about my past and it didnt last 2 dates..lol..so now i am moving on waiting for the right girl..

With your brother#2.. was he in the military before? Maybe the VA hospital could help him or find a source on military.com for help.. I will pray for both your brothers and tell them to keep faith.. i went thru the depression and counseling did wonders for me.. I didnt want to do it, but tell brother#1 it helps and your no less a man to cry to somebody.. i did it and im way beter now going on 3 years divorced.