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Joseph
04-09-2008, 05:59 PM
Thanks to poster Homer Bailey from the Sun Deck.

Closing Time: Cueto's WHIP balloons to 0.45
By Andy Behrens
How good is Johnny Cueto?

Scouts agree, he's the best right-handed person ever.

In fact, baseball insiders believe that Cueto will impact human civilization in much the same way that language, tool use, and agriculture have.

Physicists are analyzing the Pitch f/x data from his first major league start, looking for new quarks.

That's how good he is. There's also been speculation that Microsoft reduced its bid for Yahoo! by as much as $5 billion because Cueto wasn't in the player pool before April.

Seriously, he's that good.

Tonight he gave up two runs, which will never happen again.

Dusty Baker had a chance to pinch-hit for him in the seventh with one out and a runner at second. Cueto had thrown 85 pitches and the Reds were losing to Milwaukee, 1-0. Instead, Cueto remained in the game, advanced the runner with a bouncer to short, and Corey Patterson singled to tie the score.

Then Bill Hall untied it with a solo homer to lead-off the bottom half of the inning. Cueto followed by striking out Corey Hart, but Baker lifted the 22-year-old after 96 pitches.

Cueto finished with another very good fantasy line: 6.1 IP, 8 K, 2.84 ERA, 0.79 WHIP. He's now pitched 13.1 major league innings, allowing six hits, walking no one, and striking out 18.

There is widespread agreement that if we harvest Cueto's stem cells, they will cure death.

RedEye
04-09-2008, 06:45 PM
When praise for a young pitching prospect becomes so abundant as to allow for meta-humor, you know you've got a special case on your hands. Thanks, Johnny Almaraz!

RFS62
04-09-2008, 06:47 PM
I don't understand what's humorous about the article.

I think they pretty much nailed it.

RedsManRick
04-09-2008, 06:51 PM
In his dreams, Chris Denorfia pretends he's Johnny Cueto.

BTW, you know how some fans create groups for certain players? I think the Reds need to turn a section in to the Cueto Ghetto -- or is that insensitive?

*singing to myself, to the tune of "In The Ghetto"*

As the fans cheer
On a crisp and clear Cincy night
A fastball hums and dips and bites
From the Cueto

Always Red
04-09-2008, 06:52 PM
In his dreams, Chris Denorfia pretends he's Johnny Cueto.

Chris who?

Reds1
04-09-2008, 06:54 PM
This article was the main on on the fantasy sports. Cueto has been featured twice in the past week. I'd say he's the biggest pick up in all leagues. I got him in 1 and Volquez in all 4 of my leagues.

dougdirt
04-09-2008, 07:19 PM
In his dreams, Chris Denorfia pretends he's Johnny Cueto.

BTW, you know how some fans create groups for certain players? I think the Reds need to turn a section in to the Cueto Ghetto -- or is that insensitive?

*singing to myself, to the tune of "In The Ghetto"*

As the fans cheer
On a crisp and clear Cincy night
A fastball hums and dips and bites
From the Cueto

Why not just go with Cuetoville?

HumnHilghtFreel
04-09-2008, 07:23 PM
In his dreams, Chris Denorfia pretends he's Johnny Cueto.

BTW, you know how some fans create groups for certain players? I think the Reds need to turn a section in to the Cueto Ghetto -- or is that insensitive?

*singing to myself, to the tune of "In The Ghetto"*

As the fans cheer
On a crisp and clear Cincy night
A fastball hums and dips and bites
From the Cueto

My favorite is The Milledge People from when Lastings was up with the Mets. I might have to brainstorm!

Caveat Emperor
04-09-2008, 09:40 PM
My favorite is The Milledge People from when Lastings was up with the Mets. I might have to brainstorm!

The Johnny-Come-Latelys?