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Tommyjohn25
06-12-2008, 12:05 AM
Okay...deep breath.

Let me start by saying this. I'm not usually the kind to complain, or even seek reinforcement from anyone because I don't like to bother people with my problems. I hate drama, and I hate whining, but for the first time in my life my will is being tested, and I have to say, I'm not a big fan. I figured I'd come here since I consider most of you my friends, even though I've never met a single one of you. Also, there seem to be some wise cats here. :)

So, let me get you all up to speed. I moved to North Carolina this past February, I came here because my Dad bought a franchise here (Servpro Home Restoration) and we had high hopes for it, sky high actually. When I came here, I had to make several sacrifices. First and foremost, my girlfriend of almost 7 years, my rock, the absolute LIGHT of my life, had to stay behind for the time being. She is a chiropractor with her own practice, also she is still living in "our" house, so the decision was made between the two of us for her to stay in Ohio so we could make sure the business was going to be sucessful. That way, if it doesn't work out, we still have our house and she still has her client base. It really is the smart way to do it. The plan was to establish stability, and then she would move down here with me. Worst case scenario, it doesn't work, I move home and get my old job back. Not much to lose on my end it seemed. Also on the list of sacrifices I made. I had a spectacular group of friends in Ohio...great, great people. My dog is still with my girl, not to mention I LOVED our house. It is special to me, since it's ours.

So...seems I was prepared right? I knew all the sacrifices I would be making before I left, right? Wrong. True, I knew of them. But I thought I was a stronger person than I would soon discover I was. Things started off well enough, at least as well as could be expected. The day I left Denise was without a doubt, the single hardest day and moment of my entire life, but by the time I arrived in NC I was optimistic as I could be. Ready to get the business going and my motivation (besides money of course) was to get my lady down here with me.

Since then however, the business has struggled, mightily. It's gotten so bad that my Dad has begun to dip into his retirement just to pay the bills. I cannot even begin to accurately describe how bad it has been. Keeping that in mind, my own personal outlook has suffered. I don't know if it's because of the lack of sucess, being home sick, or a combination of both, but something inside me has definitely changed, and I hate it. Before the last month and a half or so, I was one of the most positive people you would ever meet. I was always happy, always laughing, and always loving everything about life. Now, I feel empty, sad, and VERY lonely.

I can't point to an exact moment when I lost control of my emotions, but at this point, I feel as though I'm getting worse and worse every day, and I can't make it stop. To save money, myself, my Dad, and my brother all live in the same house. I now spend all my non-working hours in my bedroom which is the size of a jail cell, staring at the tv. I have learned that it's not so easy to make new friends when you're 29 years old, and spoken for. Honestly, I have gotten into such a rut, that I have no interest in making new friends down here.

We now have the franchise up for sale, you would think I'd be disappointed, but at this point, I'm just ready to fall on my knees and cry "mercy". The bad thing is, with the economy in such a lull, it may take a year to sell it. I could just leave, but I can't bring myself to bail on my Dad, since he did this whole thing for me and my two older brothers. So here I sit, spinning my wheels away from those I love and getting nowhere. I really DO want the franchise to work, as it would benefit me and my girl for the better, however, it's not going to. I could type the reasons why but I would probably develop acute carpal tunnel if I did. The bottom line is, there is no light at the end of this abysmal tunnel, and I feel as if I have zero control over the situation. It feels like I have an internal war going on. The "happy" me I've known for 29 years is fighting for it's life, but the negativity is fighting back, and it feels like an army of millions. This is truly uncharted territory for me.

So, for now, I guess I'll just pray that we get a buyer for the franchise so I can go back home. Back to where I belong. My old job was mediocre at best there, but I know now that my quality of life was that of a billionaire. Until that day comes, I guess I can just pray that I go numb....

Kingspoint
06-12-2008, 12:39 AM
Just the fact that you posted this means that you're trying to find a way to be positive. You probably don't have to look too far to find many very close to you. Best of luck.

Dom Heffner
06-12-2008, 01:22 AM
Tommyjohn25, I am so happy you wrote this. You are obviously in a sad state of mind and I always admire people who just let it out there for others to see.

I remember growing up when people would talk about how life was about to get tough very shortly and until recently, I had no idea what they were talking about. I rode around a 2 mile radius on a 10 speed bike, I had every Star Wars doll manufactured, Pete Rose was my hero, heck, I even took piano lessons. I could get away with saying crazy things (I once explained pulling the ball to my ever attentive cousins as the ball "sticking to my bat" without so much as a question), staying up late, and truthfully ignoring every warning my parents ever gave me because I knew they'd be there to catch my every fall.

There were little hints that things would always not go my way- Marci Lang or Paula Carter never liked me back no matter how many romantic letters my 8 year old heart could muster- but for the most part my parents made sure my life went full steam ahead with little to no problems.

I find myself thinking of those days sometimes because life sure is a lot harder now. Like you, I've hit a bit of a rough patch lately and the thoughts you express here have all been through my head at one point or another. I have felt lost, missed things, made some mistakes where I knew better, made mistakes where nobody would have ever thought something could go wrong.

I've hit rock bottom, bounced right back, only to have something put me right back down again.

The difference between now and being a little kid, I think, is that it's all on me now. I have to straighten this all out. I have to be my own best friend, my own parent, the boss of my life.

I can't tell you how do that in your situation. It may be grabbing hold of yourself and toughing this out, all the while knowing in your heart of hearts that even the worst of times are temporary. It might be grabbing all of your stuff and moving back to the one you love, world be damned, immediately as you finish reading these words.

Though I can't tell you how to do it, I can tell you that if you don't take some control you risk losing yourself, your way, maybe even something else that you love dearly.

I would guide yourself through this as you would a dear friend. Giving yourself the benefit of the doubt at every turn, with as much patience and love as you would with anybody you truly care for.

With all apologies to Evan Dando, you're still a man, it's just a horse, and you've got the reins, whether you realize it or not.

Take the reins, be your own best friend, and think about what would make you happy, what would make things right.

Then do it.

SteelSD
06-12-2008, 02:21 AM
I could just leave, but I can't bring myself to bail on my Dad, since he did this whole thing for me and my two older brothers.

Go home. Get back to your girl. If your father opened up this opportunity to benefit you, then there's no way he could possibly hold you to the standard to which your're holding yourself.

Go home.

George Foster
06-12-2008, 02:25 AM
If the franchise is for sale, then everyone including your father has admitted that it is not going to work. You should not feel that you are leaving your family "high and dry." Eveyone in your family knows your situation about your old life and your girlfriend. If it was not going to work out, you were going back to your old life. You are not changing your plans. You have not deceived your family.

I feel you know what to do but are just afraid to pull the trigger. We all (us guys) have male pride. Male pride is good to have to a point, however it has also destroyed marriages, friendships, and in certain situations have gotten people killed ( D.U.I's flying aircraft in bad weather, etc.).

Being a responsible adult and a man sometimes requires you to "fold." Admitting a mistake is not bad, it does not make you less of a person or a failure. We all have failed. The people who I admire the most in life are people who admit failure, and do the things nessessary to correct the situation.

Rick Pitino is one person I admire, because he admitted he made a mistake. He had just won a national championship in 96, and lost in the NCAA finals in 97. He was on top of the world. He was a god in Kentucky. He was offered a chance to go home to the North East and take over the most famed NBA franchise in history, the Boston Celtics. He would be given the head coaching job, GM, and be President of the Celtics. He would be the highest paid coach in the NBA. He felt he could not pass this up and he took the job. We all know how it ended. He failed. He was not fired. They could not afford to fire him. He quit. He left something like 27 million on the table. He could of taken a lot of college basketball jobs. He sat down with his wife and decided the best years of his life and his families life was in the state of Kentucky. When the job at Louisville came open he took it. He admitted he should of never left the University of Kentucky, it was a mistake. He had the chance to move back to Kentucky and he jumped at it. I hate the fact he left my Wildcats. However I admire the fact that he realized how good he had it here. Rick made decisions to correct his bad situation. This might be a poor sports analogy but it works for me.

I would sit down with your dad and tell him how you feel. He must feel horrible guilt for talking you into moving. It might be a huge relief to him if you actually moved back. Communication with your dad and brothers is critical. This is your family, it's all you got. Tell them how you feel, and that you love each and everyone of them, but you got to move back. They will understand. Pull the trigger. You are in my prayers, good luck.

Unassisted
06-12-2008, 03:01 AM
I would sit down with your dad and tell him how you feel. He must feel horrible guilt for talking you into moving. It might be a huge relief to him if you actually moved back. Communication with your dad and brothers is critical. This is your family, it's all you got. Tell them how you feel, and that you love each and everyone of them, but you got to move back. They will understand. Pull the trigger. You are in my prayers, good luck.Good advice here. I couldn't have said it better myself.

It sounds like your family's a victim of timing more than anything. Sometimes entrepreneurial opportunities fail for reasons that are beyond anyone's control. Talk to dad humbly with hat in hand, dust yourself off and move back home.

Ltlabner
06-12-2008, 08:49 AM
Just a random thought that may or may not help you out....

But why is the business failing? I'm sure you and Dad have been pulling your hair out trying to figure that out. Perhaps it's worth getting a little outside help in to get some pointers that would help turn the ship around. Many (most) small businesses fail and many do so because of the many small things they are doing wrong adding up to sink them.

Sure would be a shame to fold up your tent when there were some things you could do differently to make things succesfull.

EDIT: I say this only because having something positive on which to focus your energies will help you to avoid feeling helpless and miserable.

Blimpie
06-12-2008, 09:01 AM
Go home. Get back to your girl. If your father opened up this opportunity to benefit you, then there's no way he could possibly hold you to the standard to which your're holding yourself.

Go home.Exactly.

Your father did this because he wanted to ensure the best future for his kids--can't fault him for that. However, decisions like these often end up like trying to fit round pegs into square holes.

I lived it with my father as well. Don't sit there trying to be a martyr, go make the best life that you can for yourself....

The old man WILL understand.

Highlifeman21
06-12-2008, 10:27 AM
Follow your heart.

Your heart is back in OH. You will always find struggles if your heart is in another place than where you are. You're in NC, your heart isn't.

Obligation to your family is always a tough situation, but while you feel an obligation to your old man, I wonder if he feels the same obligation to you?

Follow your heart.

Tommyjohn25
06-12-2008, 12:05 PM
Wow. See this is the reason I posted this here. So, so many kind words and good, sound advice from all of you fantastic individuals. I truly can't thank you all enough, it's a positively beautiful thing that so many here are willing to help out others whom they've never met. Outstanding.

It would probably look too messy if I were to multi-quote here so I'll just post a general response to all of you. It is so nice that some, if not all of you that responded can relate to my situation. That is theraputic in itself. I guess I should clarify one thing about the whole thing with my Dad, I was gonna put this in last night but I figured it was long enough already. :) He would most definitely understand if I went up to him today (I can't because he's out of town) and told him I want to go home. I think that, deep down he already knows anyways, however, I don't think he knows how much my mental well-being has been effected. The problem is, we have to keep working the business in an effort to help pay the bills until the place sells, and myself and my brother are the only employees. If I leave, he has to take on my duties, and our line of work is not cut out for a 67 year old man with a weak (ish) heart and two bad shoulders. I work for next to nothing, just enough to pay my personal bills, to help out his checkbook and he's still losing his rear end. It would be next to impossible, if not impossible, for him to hire and keep someone that would do the job that I am doing for what he could afford to pay them. So I guess my main concern isn't whether or not he would be disappointed in me or not, I know for a fact that he wouldn't. I just am concerned with the work that i would leave him with, even though we don't get many jobs, all it would take for him would to go on one, and it could be his last...if you know what I mean. If that were to happen, I would never forgive myself. My brother isn't in the same boat as I am, his family took the plunge and moved here, as his wife works for Proctor and Gamble and she just simply transferred, so it doesn't really matter to him whether or not we sell today, or next year.

My Dad is making his sacrifices too. He is still married to my Mom (40 years) and she is also in Ohio still as her Mother is 100 years old and needs some care. So she is kind of forced to stay there as well. My other brother is still there too, his wife doesn't have a very good job so he is the main breadwinner. With that in mind Dad told him to wait until we were making enough money here so he could provide for his family. So at this point, our entire (and very close) family is split apart. Half here in NC, and half in OH. I think this plays in to my state of mind as well, just not to the extent of being away from Denise.

LtAbner, first of all thank you for your response, to answer your question. There are several reasons that we're failing here. First and foremost, we bought a bad territory. Of course it seemed promising at first because it was growing, but the growth has stopped, and our phone hardly ever rings. Second, we have had absolutely ZERO luck in hiring people. If we hired someone that was qualified, experienced, and well-presented, they would quit within a week when they realized that the work they had to do wasn't worth what they were getting paid. Sadly, in hindsight, we should've ponied up and paid them a little more, but Dad was trying to save as much as possible. It's too late for that now, since like I said before, he's dipping into his retirement check just to pay the mortgage now. If we hired someone that would work for cheap, they without failure would come back with a criminal background when we ran a check. I don't mean little things, I'm talking attempted murder, armed robbery, etc...not the kind of person you want working for you in a business that you are in peoples homes, often unsupervised by the homwowner. The third factor, is the economy. We get paid by the homeowners insurance company, you have a water damage or a fire in your home, you call your insurance company and file a claim, we do the restoration, insurance company pays us for our work. Now, people are beginning to file their claims, get an estimate for the repairs, turning it into the insurance company, getting the check, and doing the repairs themselves. Results or quality of the work be damned. Now, people are CERTAINLY within their rights to do that, but it does leave us hung out to dry. Finally, the last factor...and probably the most important one. We all have been through so much that our hearts just aren't in it anymore. I want to go home, Dad wants to go home, and my brother wants to get a job again in the field he's educated in (advertising). One can only get kicked in the teeth so many times before you just throw your hands up and say "screw it". It just seems like, all the stuff that has happened in the year and a half that Dad has owned this thing, that it's just not meant to be. The signs are everywhere, and I see them, I think Dad sees them too.

To the rest of you. Dom, Steel, George Foster, Unassisted, Blimpie, Highlifeman, Kingspoint. Thank you again for your kind and helpful words, I think that this is what I needed to hear. My Dad gets back in town tonight. I think I may take a couple hours over the weekend and talk to him and at LEAST tell him how I've been feeling lately. I have been doing a very good job at hiding it since i didn't want to stress him out any more than he already is. If he knows how depressed I've become, he may tell me to get my butt in the car and go back to Ohio right away :), he loves his family more than anything, and I know he wouldn't want me to suffer. I will definitely keep you all updated as to what transpires from here on out.

Again. Thank you, thank you, thank you. All of you. It's people like you all that give mankind hope, and it shows that there is truly good, caring people around you if you look for it.

:)

Sea Ray
06-12-2008, 12:08 PM
Would moving back to Ohio increase your Dad's financial hardship? I don't see how you can do that if that's the case. Your Dad doesn't have a lot of years to make up lost money and you and your brothers could end up supporting him anyway.

How practical is it to think the business will sell? A company that's losing money may not have much value.

I'd suggest talking with your brother(s) and see where he stands and then take it to your Dad and see what can be worked out. Sounds like you're not in this alone. You can commiserate with your family on this one

HeatherC1212
06-12-2008, 12:24 PM
I don't really have any advice for you but I just wanted to let you know that I'll be keeping you in my thoughts as you deal with everything in NC. Hopefully everything works out for both you and the rest of your family. It sounds like you're a very good son and I'm sure your dad appreciates everything you've done and continue to do for the company. Please keep us posted on how things are going and hopefully you all can come home soon. :)

Tommyjohn25
06-12-2008, 12:25 PM
Would moving back to Ohio increase your Dad's financial hardship? I don't see how you can do that if that's the case. Your Dad doesn't have a lot of years to make up lost money and you and your brothers could end up supporting him anyway.

How practical is it to think the business will sell? A company that's losing money may not have much value.

I'd suggest talking with your brother(s) and see where he stands and then take it to your Dad and see what can be worked out. Sounds like you're not in this alone. You can commiserate with your family on this one

I think we may have been posting at the same time. I kind of touched on the issues with me moving back in my last post. It is definitely something that would take some planning, and problem solving. As far as the value of our franchise, I think Dad would take darn near anything remotely close to reasonable at this point. He has alot of money saved in his retirement (he had a VERY successful job) so going "broke" isn't really a concern. It's just the thought that, at his age, you are supposed to be sitting on your retirement to make it last through the twighlight of you life. He's now spending it...fast.

I think I may call my Mom tonight, tell her everything, and see what she says. She is ALWAYS a good source, and probably the strongest person I know in the world.

Thanks for your response Sea Ray.

Tommyjohn25
06-12-2008, 12:26 PM
I don't really have any advice for you but I just wanted to let you know that I'll be keeping you in my thoughts as you deal with everything in NC. Hopefully everything works out for both you and the rest of your family. It sounds like you're a very good son and I'm sure your dad appreciates everything you've done and continue to do for the company. Please keep us posted on how things are going and hopefully you all can come home soon. :)


Thank you Heather. This thread has really cheered me up today.

Team Clark
06-12-2008, 12:42 PM
Go home. Get back to your girl. If your father opened up this opportunity to benefit you, then there's no way he could possibly hold you to the standard to which your're holding yourself.

Go home.

Exactly. Your Dad is your Dad after all. Just think of what he's feeling. "geeez, I can't believe I got my kids into this...."

You had a contingency plan set up for a reason. Execute it!

TeamSelig
06-12-2008, 01:27 PM
If anything, take a few days off and go visit your girl. It will rejuvenate you a little to keep you going.

Chip R
06-12-2008, 01:28 PM
What everybody else said.

You sound like you may be going through a mild case of depression too. You may want to nip that in the bud. Just coming back to your GF may not cure that. Good luck!

Tommyjohn25
06-12-2008, 02:09 PM
If anything, take a few days off and go visit your girl. It will rejuvenate you a little to keep you going.

Yeah, I actually have that scheduled. I leave next week and I get to come home for six days! Should do me a world of good, and as you said, recharge my batteries a bit. Thanks bud! :thumbup:


What everybody else said.

You sound like you may be going through a mild case of depression too. You may want to nip that in the bud. Just coming back to your GF may not cure that. Good luck!

Yeah that thought has crossed my mind, I don't doubt I'm depressed. However i feel that is directly related to my situation and not the "medical" kind of depressed. I don't really know of any way to know for sure though, unfortunately. I guess I'll see how I feel after I come home next week. Thanks for the well wishes, Chip. :)

GoReds33
06-12-2008, 05:30 PM
If anything, take a few days off and go visit your girl. It will rejuvenate you a little to keep you going.That's a very good idea. Go have some fun, and share with her what you have shared with us. I'm sure you have probably told her that it is sad going away, but in your writing it seemed like this was the first time you have gone this deep. Visit her, tell her, and discuss it. I'd be very intrested to see how you feel then.

Good luck.

TeamSelig
06-12-2008, 05:38 PM
Yep. Not to mention, she will probably have great advice for you too. Maybe part of your problem is that you feel like you are betraying her by doing this? If she encourages you to keep going, that might be all you need to continue. Then again, maybe she will help you come home.

Tommyjohn25
06-12-2008, 05:50 PM
That's a very good idea. Go have some fun, and share with her what you have shared with us. I'm sure you have probably told her that it is sad going away, but in your writing it seemed like this was the first time you have gone this deep. Visit her, tell her, and discuss it. I'd be very intrested to see how you feel then.

Good luck.

Thanks for the response. She has received a couple phone calls from me in the last few months when I was having one of my "bad days". I'm pretty sure she isn't aware that those "bad days" are quickly becoming the norm, however. At first I didn't want to sound weak by telling her, but I don't think I have much choice anymore.


Yep. Not to mention, she will probably have great advice for you too. Maybe part of your problem is that you feel like you are betraying her by doing this? If she encourages you to keep going, that might be all you need to continue. Then again, maybe she will help you come home.

Yeah. I don't really feel a sense of "betrayal" per se...she has been nothing but supportive throughout this entire process. However, I'm not sure how she feels about me coming home. I'm sure she would love to have me back, but on the other side of the coin I know she wants our business to work. I'm gonna get a lot off my chest when I go next week. Stay tuned...

vaticanplum
06-12-2008, 06:52 PM
TJ, I can't tell you what to do long-term, but as long as you're down there, get out of your little room. You can meet people. They won't be your friends from home, but it's important for you to get out and keep yourself busy/distracted. Things will not get better by staring at the TV.

You'd be surprised how many free things there are to do out there to entertain you if you look for them. Get a book from the library and go to the park to read it. Find a bar that sells cheap domestic beer (or soda) and go when there's a baseball game on TV. I don't think I've ever in my life gone to a bar to watch a game and not talked to somebody at some point. And it doesn't mean that will be a close friendship or anything like that -- but social interaction even for an hour is important when you're in this state. And most places have a lot of cheap/free stuff to do in the summer -- check your local paper.

Chin up, TJ. Bad times suck but they make you appreciate the good times when they come around again (and they will, in six weeks or six months or six years). Be honest with yourself and to the people who love you, be good to yourself and to the people who love you, and best of luck with your decisions.

RedsManRick
06-12-2008, 07:12 PM
I would sit down with your dad and tell him how you feel. He must feel horrible guilt for talking you into moving. It might be a huge relief to him if you actually moved back. Communication with your dad and brothers is critical. This is your family, it's all you got. Tell them how you feel, and that you love each and everyone of them, but you got to move back. They will understand. Pull the trigger. You are in my prayers, good luck.

I agree with this 100%. I often battle similar issues with depression/despair. I've grown to recognize that the key sign something is wrong is that I pull away from everybody -- I forget that the people around me want to help and want me to be happy.

I'm sure that as much as your dad loves having you around, loves having your help, the last thing he wants is to feel that both is business and his son's happiness are going down the tubes.

Do what you can to help, but don't put it on your shoulders. Get the support you need from family and friends. You can't help them if you don't let them help you.

--edit--
After reading your 2nd post, you've made it clear that the reality is you can't leave without the business going under. I think you have 3 options:
1.) Find a way to make the business successful. Maybe you can find a local MBA student to adopt your business and provide guidance.
2.) Try and tread water until you sell it.
3.) Give up and close shop.

I wonder how you the franchise works? Do you (your dad) have personal liability? What happens if you walk away? (who do you owe money to?) Can you declare bankruptcy?

Above all, bottom line advice, realize that beyond a roof and food, no material possessions can make up for despair. It's simply not worth it. Can you work enough back home to help offset the losses your dad would take if you closed up shop? Explore all of your options, but don't be content to go down with the ship. Find a way out together.

Tommyjohn25
06-12-2008, 07:57 PM
TJ, I can't tell you what to do long-term, but as long as you're down there, get out of your little room. You can meet people. They won't be your friends from home, but it's important for you to get out and keep yourself busy/distracted. Things will not get better by staring at the TV.

You'd be surprised how many free things there are to do out there to entertain you if you look for them. Get a book from the library and go to the park to read it. Find a bar that sells cheap domestic beer (or soda) and go when there's a baseball game on TV. I don't think I've ever in my life gone to a bar to watch a game and not talked to somebody at some point. And it doesn't mean that will be a close friendship or anything like that -- but social interaction even for an hour is important when you're in this state. And most places have a lot of cheap/free stuff to do in the summer -- check your local paper.

Chin up, TJ. Bad times suck but they make you appreciate the good times when they come around again (and they will, in six weeks or six months or six years). Be honest with yourself and to the people who love you, be good to yourself and to the people who love you, and best of luck with your decisions.

Thank you for the encouraging words Vatican. That is very sound advice. I do realize at some point I need to just get out of my room and make an effort. If for no other reason, for my own sanity. I think in my own mind, at least the way my mind is working right now, doing that is accepting this hell I've found myself in. Believe me, I know how ridiculous that sounds, and I need to get over that. I'm not making things any easier on myself with whatever time I am forced to stay here, that's for sure.



I agree with this 100%. I often battle similar issues with depression/despair. I've grown to recognize that the key sign something is wrong is that I pull away from everybody -- I forget that the people around me want to help and want me to be happy.

I'm sure that as much as your dad loves having you around, loves having your help, the last thing he wants is to feel that both is business and his son's happiness are going down the tubes.

Do what you can to help, but don't put it on your shoulders. Get the support you need from family and friends. You can't help them if you don't let them help you.

--edit--
After reading your 2nd post, you've made it clear that the reality is you can't leave without the business going under. I think you have 3 options:
1.) Find a way to make the business successful. Maybe you can find a local MBA student to adopt your business and provide guidance.
2.) Try and tread water until you sell it.
3.) Give up and close shop.

I wonder how you the franchise works? Do you (your dad) have personal liability? What happens if you walk away? (who do you owe money to?) Can you declare bankruptcy?

Above all, bottom line advice, realize that beyond a roof and food, no material possessions can make up for despair. It's simply not worth it. Can you work enough back home to help offset the losses your dad would take if you closed up shop? Explore all of your options, but don't be content to go down with the ship. Find a way out together.

Thanks for the response RMR. To be honest with you, I'm not sure what level of liability we are held to, or who we would owe money to if we just gave up. I will have to ask my Dad that question when he gets back in town.

I would say that option 1 you listed is pretty much out of the question at this point. We have been provided with help and guidance from corporate trainers (that get a bonus if we do well) and have followed their advice verbatim, with minimal to no success. I think the harsh reality is we just got a dud of a territory, and we have become victims of circumstance. That leaves us with options 2 and 3. 2 is what we've been doing for the last few months, just treading water hoping we sell. That option will soon be extinct as well, as my Dad continues to hemmorage money from his retirement to pay our bills, I honestly have no idea how much longer he is willing to do that. Option 3 is what I'm going to have to inquire about. I have been curious lately what the consequences would be if we just said, "that's it, we're done". I think that is a important question to ask my Dad.

Thanks again RMR.

GAC
06-13-2008, 07:55 AM
You gave it a valient shot TJ. It seems you crossed all your "T's" and dotted every "I" before leaving too.

But you did something that many people in our society don't do.... and IMO, the reason they don't is mainly because of a self doubt and the fear of failure. And then they have to always look back and say "what if?"

You took that step to try and better yourself. And your GF also understood that too.

OK. It didn't work out as planned. There is nothing to be ashamed about, or to hang your head over. And no looking back and wondering.

Nope. IMO, there is no shame in failure. The greater shame is not making the effort.

You're in my prayers buddy.

Roy Tucker
06-13-2008, 10:34 AM
TJ, you've gotten some pretty sound advice in here so I don't really have much more to offer there.

But one thing I will say is be proud of yourself for giving an effort like this your all. I've been in a situation fairly similar (software startup that eventually went under) and I know how all-consuming this can be. Be proud of the fact that you took on a very challenging and daring situation and gave it everything you had.

It may not seem like it now, but further on down your path, this experience will pay off in spades. You may be licking your wounds now, but you are a better and stronger person for experiencing it.

I've got this quote from a speech from Teddy Roosevelt framed and hanging on my wall. It's called "Man in the Arena".


It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.

Tommyjohn25
06-13-2008, 11:49 AM
You gave it a valient shot TJ. It seems you crossed all your "T's" and dotted every "I" before leaving too.

But you did something that many people in our society don't do.... and IMO, the reason they don't is mainly because of a self doubt and the fear of failure. And then they have to always look back and say "what if?"

You took that step to try and better yourself. And your GF also understood that too.

OK. It didn't work out as planned. There is nothing to be ashamed about, or to hang your head over. And no looking back and wondering.

Nope. IMO, there is no shame in failure. The greater shame is not making the effort.

You're in my prayers buddy.

Thanks a ton, GAC. It's people like you who are an inspiration. People who face life changing hardships (your house fire) and maintain a seemingly unwavering positive outlook and keep everything in perspective.

You are absolutely right about the effort, we did give it our all. I think as someone else mentioned, it was poor timing. I am one who truly believes that everything happens for a reason, and I can't help but feel with the way things have gone, that there is a higher power screaming "GET OUT! DON'T DO IT! CUT YOUR LOSSES AND JUST GO HOME!" I think for me now, having accepted that, is a fear of the unknown. How long will it be before we get a buyer? How long do I have to waste time away from my girl before I get to go back to her? I like to see what's in front of me, be it bad or good. This is one of the first times that I'm flying in the blind.



TJ, you've gotten some pretty sound advice in here so I don't really have much more to offer there.

But one thing I will say is be proud of yourself for giving an effort like this your all. I've been in a situation fairly similar (software startup that eventually went under) and I know how all-consuming this can be. Be proud of the fact that you took on a very challenging and daring situation and gave it everything you had.

It may not seem like it now, but further on down your path, this experience will pay off in spades. You may be licking your wounds now, but you are a better and stronger person for experiencing it.

I've got this quote from a speech from Teddy Roosevelt framed and hanging on my wall. It's called "Man in the Arena".


Thanks Roy! The responses in this thread have helped me out alot, I mean that. It's just tough out there right now, but I do know in my heart of hearts that I will be a better man for it. You are right on about it being "all consuming", great choice of words there. It will eat you from the inside out if you let it. I'm trying to prevent that now, and your words, and the words of all the others are helping me along the way. I can't wait to get home next week, six days...it's gonna be heaven.

By the way. That is a fantastic quote you posted from Roosevelt.

flyer85
06-13-2008, 11:57 AM
whatever you decide to do, MARRY THE GIRL.

Tommyjohn25
06-13-2008, 12:02 PM
whatever you decide to do, MARRY THE GIRL.

LOL! Yeah...almost 7 years. I suppose it's about that time huh? :) We were actually starting to plan it before this whole thing started, then decided to wait until we lived in the same state to proceed. We've lived together pretty much since day 1 of our relationship, are completely compatible, and know everything about each other. I think I can recall 2 arguments we've ever had, and those were over within 10 minutes. So really at this point, to both of us, a ring is just a formality. However, it is an important formality, and it's something I want to get done when this situation is resolved.

bucksfan2
06-13-2008, 12:07 PM
TJ I hope everything works out with you. I know how hard it can be to work in a family business and feel the responsibility towards you father. Just be frank with your dad. I am sure he would understand. Also get out of that room. Enjoy the outdoors, hit up a gym, find a group you can hang out with. It is kind of reiterating what everyone else has said but good luck.

Tommyjohn25
06-13-2008, 12:15 PM
TJ I hope everything works out with you. I know how hard it can be to work in a family business and feel the responsibility towards you father. Just be frank with your dad. I am sure he would understand. Also get out of that room. Enjoy the outdoors, hit up a gym, find a group you can hang out with. It is kind of reiterating what everyone else has said but good luck.


Thanks Bucksfan. Yeah, at this point the gym is really my only escape. I do go there 5 days a week, so that does get me out which is nice. I may try to hit up a softball league. I'm so used to playing on like three teams every year, so i really miss it. Also that would be a good way to meet some good people.

Tommyjohn25
06-24-2008, 05:24 PM
Well...it felt GREAT to be home for a week. I got to spend some time with my lady, got to see most of my friends, and got to "talk" a lot of things out, which was fantastic. I also saw my old boss who offered me a very enticing package to come back...so that was awesome. Now on my first day back my Dad sits me down in his office and drops the bomb...."Can you continue to give 100% to being here? Or are you really unhappy?" I knew it was only a matter of time before he could see right through my "happy" front that I've been putting on for a couple months. I gave him my honest answer, which took about 7 hours. In short, I told him that I am indeed unhappy and that I want to go home, however, I refuse to bail out leave him twisting in the wind. I think when I told him that, he realized that this franchise just isn't going to work. He admitted to not having his heart completely in it as well, as my brother did a few minutes later. Sadly this revelation, while necessary, is heartbreaking since my Dad had such high hopes and the spirit of it was so well-intentioned.

So now I guess I feel better personally, since it's all out on the table now. However, my heart breaks for my Dad. I'm not sure he'll ever really recover from the disasterous last year and a half. :(

GoReds33
06-24-2008, 06:31 PM
Well...it felt GREAT to be home for a week. I got to spend some time with my lady, got to see most of my friends, and got to "talk" a lot of things out, which was fantastic. I also saw my old boss who offered me a very enticing package to come back...so that was awesome. Now on my first day back my Dad sits me down in his office and drops the bomb...."Can you continue to give 100% to being here? Or are you really unhappy?" I knew it was only a matter of time before he could see right through my "happy" front that I've been putting on for a couple months. I gave him my honest answer, which took about 7 hours. In short, I told him that I am indeed unhappy and that I want to go home, however, I refuse to bail out leave him twisting in the wind. I think when I told him that, he realized that this franchise just isn't going to work. He admitted to not having his heart completely in it as well, as my brother did a few minutes later. Sadly this revelation, while necessary, is heartbreaking since my Dad had such high hopes and the spirit of it was so well-intentioned.

So now I guess I feel better personally, since it's all out on the table now. However, my heart breaks for my Dad. I'm not sure he'll ever really recover from the disasterous last year and a half. :(It's great that you got this off your chest. I hope that you feel better. As for your father, if he admitted not being fully invested emotionally in it, you shouldn't feel guilty. From what you wrote, it seems that none of you were happy. I hope that you can find something to do that would help your father, such as starting a business close to home.

Tommyjohn25
06-26-2008, 02:42 PM
It's great that you got this off your chest. I hope that you feel better. As for your father, if he admitted not being fully invested emotionally in it, you shouldn't feel guilty. From what you wrote, it seems that none of you were happy. I hope that you can find something to do that would help your father, such as starting a business close to home.

Thanks for the response. You are 100% correct that it wasn't going to work out if our hearts aren't in it, and they aren't. My Dad said today that this whole thing was just a horrible mistake, I gave him the old cliche about hindsight, but he's kinda right. I don't see anything positive that came from this, sadly.

Tommyjohn25
06-26-2008, 02:48 PM
Another update:

I just got off the phone with my old boss (the one who gave me an offer last week) and after talking it over with my Dad, and sleeping on it for a few nights, I took it. I am going to stick it out with my Dad for three more months while he tries to sell this thing, if it sells sooner then great. I can't help but feel some sense of guilt by doing this, although I know in my heart that this is what will make me happy. This will also give me the chance to have a safe, well-paying job that I can support myself and my future family on. Was the potential here in Carolina better? Yes. But it just doesn't seem like it is meant to be. At some point, I suppose, you have to take care of YOU.

gonelong
06-26-2008, 03:47 PM
Thanks for the response. You are 100% correct that it wasn't going to work out if our hearts aren't in it, and they aren't. My Dad said today that this whole thing was just a horrible mistake, I gave him the old cliche about hindsight, but he's kinda right. I don't see anything positive that came from this, sadly.

You took your shot. You won't have to look back and wonder what might have been.

It don't always work out and most people are too damn scared to even try. You had the courage to try and probably found out a few things about yourself.

GL

flyer85
06-26-2008, 04:20 PM
You took your shot. You won't have to look back and wonder what might have been.

It don't always work out and most people are too damn scared to even try. You had the courage to try and probably found out a few things about yourself.

GLalso seemed to clarify things in your life ... while it may not have been an enjoyable experience.

Tommyjohn25
06-26-2008, 06:50 PM
You took your shot. You won't have to look back and wonder what might have been.

It don't always work out and most people are too damn scared to even try. You had the courage to try and probably found out a few things about yourself.

GL


also seemed to clarify things in your life ... while it may not have been an enjoyable experience.

You know what? You two are absolutely right. As this continues to sink in with me, I am realizing these things. Thank you both.

This is why this site is my homepage. :)

Brisco
06-27-2008, 03:55 PM
Sir:

Since you have made the decision to return, I guess my advice is more directed to your father.

There is a bit of freedom on having your back against the wall financially... creditors, while not sympathetic, are forced to be realists concerning your plight. This gives you more than a nominal amount of leverage in negotiations. I know it sounds like throwing good money after bad, but I would get to a pro in this field and see what they can offer. For example, I assume one of the major bills is the financing for the franchise purchase itself? Is the seller also your creditor? Franchises are flighty things... dropping to no value at all overnight. Perhaps a creditor would rather receive significantly reduced payments then receive a valueless franchise through bankruptcy proceedings.

This is not my field, so please take what I am saying with a grain of salt... but after 15 years as an attorney, I can tell you that the most common mistake is folks in your father's situation wait too long to get help... It's so much easier to pull folks out of a hole when they have not spent too long continually digging it deeper.

Good luck on your return, and if this experience helps you make the right decision on your future life with your girlfriend... then i believe it will turn out to be tears, pain and time well spent.

Rich

Sea Ray
06-27-2008, 07:08 PM
Another update:

I just got off the phone with my old boss (the one who gave me an offer last week) and after talking it over with my Dad, and sleeping on it for a few nights, I took it. I am going to stick it out with my Dad for three more months while he tries to sell this thing, if it sells sooner then great.

That sounds like a very fair solution. This puts a timetable on the whole thing and gives your Dad time to "do what he's gotta do." Nice that your employer back home is willing to wait 3 months. This way you're not abandoning your Dad and you have an end-game in sight. Glad to see it worked out, one way or another, in the end.

There's no telling that a better buyer will come along after 3 months. I think 3 mos should be enough time to fish or cut bait with this business

Tommyjohn25
09-07-2008, 12:29 AM
Update: I moved home today...what an incredible weight lifted off my shoulders, unbelievable feeling really. The business still hasn't sold so I felt terrible for my Dad this morning when I left, he wants to come home so badly and by me leaving, he lost his "buddy". I really had no choice though, the three month timetable set by my boss here is up, and I had to take the job. I guess now I ask you all who kept me in your thoughts (a huge thank you again to all of you) to now direct your thoughts to my Father, and that the business will sell in a timely manner so he too can return home and feel the sense of relief I am feeling right now.

Thank you all again.

Jpup
09-08-2008, 01:26 PM
Read Joel Osteen's "Your Best Life Now". It changed my life. :beerme: