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View Full Version : Clearing up misconceptions about Jim Coombs



M2
12-09-2008, 06:18 PM
Hate to pick on Raisor, but he got ahold of some bum information in the closed down Livan Hernandez thread and it demands correction.


[Coombs is] in prison for 5-7 on drug charges.

It's really sad. He got caught with bootleg canadian little blue pills.

That's just a cover. He's settled on world domination rather than baseball domination. He engineered the collapse of international financial markets in order to take over Iceland, where he has now been proclaimed Grand Overlord (Efstherra). He's busy harnessing geothermal energy inside his volcanic lair and suspicion is that his next plot is a ray that gives all men x-ray vision, essentially rendering them incapable of thought while they busily gaze through women's clothing (or other men for some).

Screwball
12-09-2008, 06:29 PM
Iceland? Well that's just silly.

vaticanplum
12-09-2008, 06:33 PM
I have been on this board for over three years, and I have yet to have anyone sufficiently explain to me who Jim Coombs is. All I know is that he's superhuman.

I would apologize for raining on the parade, but I fully expect that "superhuman" comment to be run with.

Tom Servo
12-09-2008, 06:40 PM
Would this little blues happen to be Chris Berman's infamous "deux deux duex"'s?

http://deadspin.com/355926/espn-reacts-to-berman-videos-takes-them-down-off-youtube-but-worry-not

Raisor
12-09-2008, 06:49 PM
Hate to pick on Raisor, but he got ahold of some bum information in the closed down Livan Hernandez thread and it demands correction.



That's just a cover. He's settled on world domination rather than baseball domination. He engineered the collapse of international financial markets in order to take over Iceland, where he has now been proclaimed Grand Overlord (Efstherra). He's busy harnessing geothermal energy inside his volcanic lair and suspicion is that his next plot is a ray that gives all men x-ray vision, essentially rendering them incapable of thought while they busily gaze through women's clothing (or other men for some).


That's just his cover story.

Chip R
12-09-2008, 06:56 PM
I have been on this board for over three years, and I have yet to have anyone sufficiently explain to me who Jim Coombs is. All I know is that he's superhuman.

I would apologize for raining on the parade, but I fully expect that "superhuman" comment to be run with.


Actually, we're not sure he's actually human. It's difficult to believe that someone with his skills is human.

Raisor
12-09-2008, 06:59 PM
Actually, we're not sure he's actually human. It's difficult to believe that someone with his skills is human.


That would explain some of the pictures I've seen.

M2
12-09-2008, 07:07 PM
http://www.digitaldreammachine.com/blogimages/ddm/SamSnowman.jpg

Can it be that some don't know the story of Jim Coombs?

Well pull up an iceblock and lend an ear.

Coombs underwent puberty during the second trimester in his mother's womb.*

When he was three-years-old Jim Coombs could throw a wiffle ball through a grown man.**

At age four, using nothing but a He-Man doll, a full container of Quaker Oats and a pack of rubberbands, Coombs constructed a fully functional intercontinental ballistic missile.

* - After receiving a prophecy from a wandering Pashtun mystic/same-day carpet installation salesman, Coombs' mother had her womb reinforced with titanium. After Coombs' birth, she had the contraption, now known as the Coombs Womb, removed and placed in the heart of the Amazon jungle, supposedly never to be seen again. Yet now indigenous tribes treat it as a holy relic and women who touch it reportedly experience instant pregnancy.

** - Namely his late uncle Marvin.

Blimpie
12-09-2008, 07:09 PM
Dear God...

Was that ever an enjoyable yarn.

Nicely done.

Caveat Emperor
12-09-2008, 07:11 PM
I have been on this board for over three years, and I have yet to have anyone sufficiently explain to me who Jim Coombs is. All I know is that he's superhuman.

I would apologize for raining on the parade, but I fully expect that "superhuman" comment to be run with.

Personally, I think part of the fun is just pretending like you know what the hell is going on.

Fun fact: Jim Coombs' middle name? Tiberius. (His parents were nerds)

lollipopcurve
12-09-2008, 07:12 PM
* - After receiving a prophecy from a wandering Pashtun mystic/same-day carpet installation salesman, Coombs' mother had her womb reinforced with titanium. After Coombs' birth, she had the contraption, now known as the Coombs Womb, removed and placed in the heart of the Amazon jungle, supposedly never to be seen again. Yet now indigenous tribes treat it as a holy relic and women who touch it reportedly experience instant pregnancy.

I did not know that.

Leynerian!

OnBaseMachine
12-09-2008, 07:14 PM
Jim Coombs lost his virginity before his dad did.

Raisor
12-09-2008, 07:17 PM
Jim Coombs lost his virginity before his dad did.

Ok, I actually believe that one.

M2
12-09-2008, 07:18 PM
I did not know that.

Leynerian!

Actually, rather than play Little League, Coombs played shortstop/pachinko savant/demolitions expert for Team Leyner.

M2
12-09-2008, 07:31 PM
Fun fact: Jim Coombs' middle name? Tiberius. (His parents were nerds)

Sacrilege! While it is true his middle name is Tiberius and that Coombs' mother has an actual armor class of -7 to go with 237 hit points, which is plenty nerdy, she was also going to be a Sports Illustrated cover model back in 1981, but she was so hot that all who viewed her photo set went blind.

Coombs' father is unknown. After the night of Coombs' conception, his mother woke up naked in a field surrounded by empty whippet casings, unable to remember the night before and next to a Mack truck covered completely in black chinchilla fur. Inside the cab of the truck, hanging from the rearview, was an autographed photo* of William Shatner from his Star Trek days - and that's where the name James Tiberius Coombs originated.

Then the ground to began to shake, Coomb's mother fled the scene, only to see the earth swallow the truck whole as she glanced back.

* - Reportedly Shatner wrote "Yo! Man! Dude!, Bill"

paintmered
12-09-2008, 07:33 PM
For all those who are new to the Jim Coombs hysteria, you might assume that all these facts are hyperbole. Well, you'd be wrong. And you don't want to be wrong around Jim Coombs...

KronoRed
12-09-2008, 07:38 PM
Some RZ posters have actually met Jim Coombs, the shock of it prevents them from speaking at all to this day.

GAC
12-09-2008, 07:53 PM
I know he takes great joy in beating on elderly people

M2
12-09-2008, 08:10 PM
Some RZ posters have actually met Jim Coombs, the shock of it prevents them from speaking at all to this day.

Puffy spent some time working as a "love yakuza" with Coombs in Nagoya, but he'd have to fill you in on the details.

RFS62
12-09-2008, 09:22 PM
I know he takes great joy in beating on elderly people

His pimp hand is strong.

:pimp:

Puffy
12-09-2008, 09:44 PM
Coombs is very humble or he might contribute to set "supposed" hyberbole to fact.

OldRightHander
12-09-2008, 10:56 PM
He is extremely humble. Just ask him. He'll tell you all about it.

Topcat
12-10-2008, 01:02 AM
Jim Coombs urine in many country's is referred to as holy water, Jim Coomb's hit a baseball so hard off J.R. Richard so hard at age 7 it is now referred to as the blackhole of Calcutta (eventual landing point).

camisadelgolf
12-10-2008, 01:19 AM
Does anyone know if it's true that Jim Coombs donated both his kidneys and cured a boy of cancer, AIDs, diabetes, lupus and swamp fever?

TRF
12-10-2008, 12:34 PM
Does anyone know if it's true that Jim Coombs donated both his kidneys and cured a boy of cancer, AIDs, diabetes, lupus and swamp fever?

I can dispute this as rumor.

Scientifically speaking, Jim Coombs blood is actually free floating stem cells with nanobots attatched. A simple blood transfusion is all that is required to completely regrow any internal organ. The one caveat/limitation is no comperter on earth is powerful enough to control the nanobots. Only Coombs 12th level mind is capable of it.

True story... a number of years ago, when Coombs was a man/boy of about 8 years old he was in the process of leaping a few levels of play to join the 12 year olds in the Little League World Series (He was disqualified due to a full Fu Manchu). The rejection didn't deter him from his dream of playing ball, however at every level he was rejected by players on teams he attempted to join due to the fact that he could play multiple positions. At the same time.

It's also been rumored that he helped Raisor with at least 4 of his Nobel Prizes with some chicken scratch notes on the back of a Burger King wrapper.

Raisor
12-10-2008, 01:05 PM
It's also been rumored that he helped Raisor with at least 4 of his Nobel Prizes with some chicken scratch notes on the back of a Burger King wrapper.

I'm going to have to call "shenanigans" on this one.

It was a Wendy's wrapper.

TRF
12-10-2008, 01:09 PM
I'm going to have to call "shenanigans" on this one.

It was a Wendy's wrapper.

I distinctly remember you wearing the Burger King crown from your Big Kids Meal they day he hypothesized creating wormholes with carbon nanotubes funneling the radiation from spent nuclear cores into a tight web.

M2
12-10-2008, 01:10 PM
I distinctly remember you wearing the Burger King crown from your Big Kids Meal they day he hypothesized creating wormholes with carbon nanotubes funneling the radiation from spent nuclear cores into a tight web.

But Raisor wears that all the time.

Raisor
12-10-2008, 01:10 PM
I distinctly remember you wearing the Burger King crown from your Big Kids Meal they day he hypothesized creating wormholes with carbon nanotubes funneling the radiation from spent nuclear cores into a tight web.

I wear the crown all the time.

I can see how you'd be confused.

M2
12-10-2008, 01:53 PM
Coombs' nanobots allow him to seamlessly change his appearance. His alternate personas include Ringling Bros. acrobat attraction Crazy Wilson, West Indies hip hop icon Tonguestan and the Bush family dog Barney.

TRF
12-10-2008, 02:45 PM
Other little known Coombsian factoids.

Not only was He the Bush family dog, He was also Socks the cat. Coombs is completely partisan and bi-partisan at the same time, the only being in the universe capable of this.

Coombs is in fact immortal, having been a pet of every administration in history, and a few royalties. It is rumored He was adviser to Genghis Khan. In Chinese, Jim Coombs means Sun Tzu.

The only thing He cannot do is get lost. Noticed how I capitalized "He"? Yes He commands that kind of respect. In fact I didn't capitalize it, my computer did out of fear.

klw
12-10-2008, 03:11 PM
Jim Coombs lost his virginity before his dad did.

Coombs has no biological father. He was conceived by midichlorians.

smith288
12-10-2008, 04:39 PM
Everyone knows Iceland is green and Greenland is icy... cmon...

smith288
12-10-2008, 04:48 PM
Coombs has no biological father. He was conceived by midichlorians.
Midichlorians? Poppycock. I know for a fact George Lucas got the idea of midi-chlorians after he saw Coombs going pee at a public restroom in Iona, NY. What Lucas saw, he won't say... But I imagine it altered the very idea of entertainment to this day.

Chip R
12-10-2008, 04:53 PM
What I'd like to know is why Coombs hasn't reproduced yet.

M2
12-10-2008, 04:57 PM
Coombs personal grooming facts:

He brushes his teeth with unicorn urine (supposedly it tastes like Dom Perignon).

He bathes in tiger blood.

He uses Henry Kissinger as a pumice stone.

M2
12-10-2008, 04:58 PM
What I'd like to know is why Coombs hasn't reproduced yet.

He reproduces all the time, but his children leave to conquer other solar systems.

MrCinatit
12-10-2008, 05:02 PM
If Jim Coombs, Chuck Norris and Mike Ditka got in a fight, who would win (assuming they could find a planet which could withstand such a matter).

Ltlabner
12-10-2008, 05:03 PM
The characters of both Kirk and Kahn?

You guessed it: Based on Coombs.

TRF
12-10-2008, 05:13 PM
He reproduces all the time, but his children leave to conquer other solar systems.

They aren't children per se.

Coombs... DNA so to speak is too much for any mortal woman be it from this world or any other. So He simply replicates himself. Now of course we know two versions of Coombs in the same space/time would ultimately destroy the universe. So all His replicants exist on a different dimensional frequency.

All this power and He still manages to grace us with his presence.

Ltlabner
12-10-2008, 05:15 PM
Stringfellow Hawke looped Airwolf using fancy airmanship.

Coombs looped Airwolf by flying straight and level and forcing the Earth to revolve around him.

klw
12-10-2008, 05:26 PM
When did Coombs last post here?

Boss-Hog
12-10-2008, 05:27 PM
When did Coombs last post here?
December 9th 2008

klw
12-10-2008, 05:28 PM
December 9th 2008

Seriously?

Ltlabner
12-10-2008, 05:30 PM
Leroy Jethro Gibbs was once forced to violate all 50 of his rules in a single day by none other than Jim Coombs.

TRF
12-10-2008, 05:35 PM
Seriously?

Seriously. Coombs is instantly recognized when you read any of His posts, yet you forget who He is after you stop reading.

Quoting Him won't work you are merely copying greatness, not espousing it.

Raisor
12-10-2008, 05:35 PM
Seriously?

Yep

He is among us.

GAC
12-10-2008, 07:43 PM
I heard he was a member of the League of Shadows, saw his own, and predicted 6 more weeks of winter.

paintmered
12-10-2008, 08:29 PM
I heard he was a member of the League of Shadows, saw his own, and predicted 6 more weeks of winter.

http://content6.flixster.com/question/29/96/72/2996720_ori.gif