View Full Version : A Challenge

02-16-2009, 11:18 AM
I made it through about 6 and a half minutes before I couldn't take it anymore. Can anyone make it though the full 20 minutes?

The Scientifically Engineered Worst Song in the World

Crazy science, will you ever learn? Just because you can do something, doesn't mean you should. Sure, we could start transplanting monkey heads on humans, but you shouldn't. The atom bomb sure as hell ended World War II, but it began an era of atomic fear and guilt. We ended up with all kinds of hassles, like communism and bad Schwarzenegger movies.

This brings us to the crack team of Dave Soldier and Komar & Melamid, who scientifically created the world's worst song. It clocks in at over 20 minutes. The trio has a Web site where they asked visitors to list their most hated sounds, be they operatic hip-hop with cowboy lyrics, swelling harps or marching-band music from hell. They claim that "fewer than 200 individuals of the world's total population will enjoy this," but released it anyhow.

The site gets very scientific and is hella confusing. The guys basically used the thought behind software that figures out the most desirable musical tones, and went the sadistic route by doing the opposite. The result is elevator music for schizophrenics and those enduring acid flashbacks.

We just listened to the track in full, and it's not bad per se - that is, provided you dig bat****, emotionally jarring music, where children sing about Easter shopping at Walmart. It also features plenty of oompah horns and bagpipes, so at least it's multiculturally offensive. (That's not even mentioning the Dracula organ dirges, either.)

The world can gather around and hate it together. Also, you may never think of Yom Kippur the same way ever again. Nonetheless, it's funny, too, in a Dadaist way. This would definitely be a perfect Valentine's gift for your absurdist boyfriend who did his final U of H art project by donning a meat helmet and officiating a mass pet marriage on Discovery Green.

Click here to listen. (http://cdnm.houstonpress.com/player/?i=3025773)

Johnny Footstool
02-16-2009, 12:55 PM
That scientifically-created stuff is bad, but it's no match for the organically-grown version of terribleness.


02-16-2009, 05:04 PM
Okay, I took the challenge and made it all the way through. I did have to take two brief breaks to answer a call and make another. But I did! Of course, I've listened to Revolution #9 from The Beatles White Album, although that is a mere eight minutes long. But I've also listened to the B side of the album Plastic Ono Band "Live Peace in Toronto, 1969" featuring two "songs" by Yoko Ono (and they collectively come in at a bit more than 17 minutes), so I was prepared. And I used to play that side of the album on Halloween to scare the children who came to the door. It worked a few times.

Not that I've got much use for WalMart, but the clips for them really wouldn't appeal to me and get me to shop there.

Where's my medal?

02-16-2009, 05:55 PM
Well, I listened to the whole thing in one sitting. Perhaps having Lou Dobbs drone on and on would have be an apt topper, but I have survived.
Still, it wasn't as bad as The Alan Parsons Project's Gaudi.