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mroby85
05-28-2009, 02:01 AM
Around the house we've started Joey Votto jokes, figured i'd make a post so everyone could add some of their own, they're basically in the form of the Chuck Norris jokes, lol. here are a few examples...

There is no CTRL button on Joey Votto's keyboard, because he's always in control.

Joey Votto has a mirror on his ceiling so if he ever wants to look up to someone, he can see himself.

Joey Votto can slam a revolving door

Joey Votto once had an awkward at bat just to see what it felt like

Joey Votto lives vicariously through himself

Dude Rock
05-28-2009, 09:43 AM
Around the house we've started Joey Votto jokes, figured i'd make a post so everyone could add some of their own, they're basically in the form of the Chuck Norris jokes, lol. here are a few examples...

There is no CTRL button on Joey Votto's keyboard, because he's always in control.

Joey Votto has a mirror on his ceiling so if he ever wants to look up to someone, he can see himself.

Joey Votto can slam a revolving door

Joey Votto once had an awkward at bat just to see what it felt like

Joey Votto lives vicariously through himself

Sounds like a commercial for a foreign beer.

Jones1
05-28-2009, 10:14 AM
Joey Votto doesn't sleep, he waits.

texasdave
05-28-2009, 10:38 AM
Joey Votto must have been a landscaper in a previous life. You can tell by the way he RAKES! (groan)

schmidty622
05-28-2009, 11:48 AM
Joey Votto doesn't do push ups. He pushes the earth down.

These are all just variations on Chuck Norris jokes, but still fun.

ian_madden
05-28-2009, 01:16 PM
Underneath Joey Vottos eyebrows there is not a forehead, but baseball bats waiting to drive a pitch the other way.

You know like the beard of Chuck Norris there is no chin, but another fist?

I know it could have been better.

cbowen2112
05-28-2009, 02:14 PM
When Joey Votto goes swimming, he doesn't get wet, the water gets Joey Votto'd.

nineworldseries
05-28-2009, 04:09 PM
Joey Votto is especially talented at baseball.

cbowen2112
05-28-2009, 06:33 PM
Joey Votto can sneeze with is eyes open.
Joey Votto can eat just one Lay's potato chip.
Joey Votto can kill two stones with one bird.
Joey Votto once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.

mroby85
05-28-2009, 06:40 PM
Joey Votto has been known to cure narcolepsy simply by walking to the plate.

Caveat Emperor
05-28-2009, 07:04 PM
Tom Emanski owns an entire series of Joey Votto videos. ;)

Dude Rock
05-28-2009, 07:05 PM
Joey Votto is some kind of man candy.

redsfanfalcon
05-28-2009, 07:08 PM
When King Kong goes to bed at night, he has nightmares of Joey Votto.

Dude Rock
05-28-2009, 07:12 PM
Knock Knock

Who's there?

Joey Votto

I'd ask who but everyone knows who Joey Votto-matic is.

BurgervilleBuck
05-28-2009, 07:30 PM
Joey Votto doesn't hit the baseball. The baseball runs far away from his bat.

Joey Votto was born with an OPS of 1.258.

When Joey Votto hit wiffle balls as a kid, they didn't whistle. They sang the entire tune.

Joey Votto makes Minute Rice in half the time.

Joey Votto can bend spoons with his mind but does it instead with his hands.

Joey Votto quit playing Hockey because goalies feared his slap shot.

Animal, vegetable, mineral, Joey Votto.

will5979
05-28-2009, 11:22 PM
Joey Votto once shot down a German plane by aiming his bat in the air and yelling BANG!

carmack42
05-29-2009, 02:46 PM
I've replaced my car's clutch with Joey Votto.

Rockermann
05-29-2009, 02:52 PM
To build on carmack42's thought....

I've replaced my car's manual transmission with a Votto-matic.

carmack42
05-29-2009, 03:00 PM
As proof:

http://img14.imageshack.us/my.php?image=vottoclutch.jpg
http://img14.imageshack.us/my.php?image=vottoclutch.jpg

Spazzrico
05-29-2009, 03:09 PM
Joey Votto can divide by zero.

texasdave
05-29-2009, 03:29 PM
If scientists could harness the power of just one Joey Votto swing, this country would be energy independent.