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Screwball
05-06-2010, 03:51 PM
For those of us that have ever done something so dumb that it's comical, this is the thread for you. I'll begin with a story of my own, that I did just yesterday, and by my estimations will be pretty tough to beat. Sorry it's so long, hopefully it'll be worth it...

I pulled into the local gas station just off the highway after work. I put the gas pump into the tank, set the automatic pump thingy, and walked inside the station to get a drink and a snack. The lady in front of me in line needed to buy about 47 scratch-offs and 96 lottery tickets, so by the time they got to ringing me up my patience was running thin. I wasn't really in a rush to get anywhere, but just wanted to get home after a long day of school and classes. I paid for my Combos and Mountain Dew as fast as I could, and was out the door.

I walked back over to my car and got in. I started her up, put it in Drive and pulled away. I heard a low, grumbling crunch as I took off, but it abruptly stopped after I straightened up the wheels, so I figured it was nothing and went on my way back to my place, which is only a half mile or so away. As I was driving down the street, I passed by a driver who was waiting to turn onto the road, and I looked at him. His mouth was wide open, and he was shaking his head as I passed. I said to myself, "What the hell's this guy's problem," and as I said that, I saw something in the side view mirror.

"Oh CRAP!" I yelled out. There I was, driving down the road with four feet of a freaking severed gas pump hanging out of my gas tank. I pulled off as soon as I could, hoping nobody else noticed, but of course they had on this busy afternoon. One guy pulled in behind me to let me know about the freaking severed gas pump I was hauling around. I told him I now saw it and thanked him for stopping, but I could tell from the look on his face he couldn't wait to get to work the next day to tell everyone about the dumbass that drove off with a gas pump in his tank, lol.

Well, I had to go back to the gas station then, tail between my legs, not knowing what to expect. Is there going to be gas leaking all over?, How much is this going to cost to fix? I kept wondering to myself. I pulled back into the now dysfunctional pump station and noticed no gas leaking, which was a relief. One of the attendants came out and I told her what had happened. She didn't laugh or even offer a hint of a smirk and said to just leave the hose next to the pump, and she'd take care of it later. Apparently, this had happened before, and the pump hose is designed to break away for just such an occasion.

So, all in all, I didn't do any damage (besides to my pride), and it didnt cost me anything (besides some ego points), and I get a knee slapper of a story out of it. Anybody else (almost) as dumb as me??

TheNext44
05-06-2010, 03:58 PM
Been there, done that, Screwball. I think more people than that want to admit have.

As for my funny dumb things I've done, Redszone doesn't have enough bandwidth for me to describe them all. I'll try to narrow it down and get back to you on that.

RichRed
05-06-2010, 04:12 PM
I'm going to have to sort mine into categories - such as Things Done While Drunk, Things Done While Sober, and Plumbing - and get back to you.

gilpdawg
05-06-2010, 04:38 PM
One time a long time ago, I think I was only 16 or so, I put a bunch of CDs (remember those?) on the top of my car for a second because my hands were full. Of course, I drove off with them still there. Of course they were toast.

bucksfan2
05-06-2010, 05:42 PM
Been there, done that, Screwball. I think more people than that want to admit have.

As for my funny dumb things I've done, Redszone doesn't have enough bandwidth for me to describe them all. I'll try to narrow it down and get back to you on that.

Yep. Did that a couple of years ago. Paid at the pump with a credit card, walked inside to get a drink, got back in and drove away only to hear a snap. I stopped and the hose was still in the tank. I got out, took out the hose and set it by the tank. I would imagine that you need to have an automatic shut off on all those gas tanks.

Hoosier Red
05-06-2010, 05:43 PM
Yep. Did that a couple of years ago. Paid at the pump with a credit card, walked inside to get a drink, got back in and drove away only to hear a snap. I stopped and the hose was still in the tank. I got out, took out the hose and set it by the tank. I would imagine that you need to have an automatic shut off on all those gas tanks.

I did that in Germany once.
Once.

OldRightHander
05-06-2010, 05:46 PM
I prepaid for some gas once and drove off without pumping it. I got a couple miles down the road and when I was still sitting on empty, I figured something was wrong. I went back to pump it and the attendant was laughing his head off.

Hoosier Red
05-06-2010, 06:32 PM
I did that one too ORH, I always go into the store to buy some pops and put them on the Shell card and one time I drove off. Some other guy had pulled in by the time I got back and he couldn't figure out why the pump would only pump $25 in gas.

pedro
05-06-2010, 06:37 PM
I got locked in the library at OU when the library closed and had to call security to let me out when I realized I was the only person there.

Roy Tucker
05-06-2010, 06:44 PM
Moved into a house at OU and had to light the pilot light on the gas heater. The directions said to let the gas run for 30 seconds before lighting. I turned it on, got distracted (I won't say why), and lost track of time. Came back later, lit a match, and ka-whump. My roommates found me on the floor smoking and I don't mean cigarettes.

I've done the drive-off with the nozzle in the gas tank too. Drove the family home from Cape Cod to Mason in a straight shot and had to get gas at hour 18.5 of a 19 hour drive. Clankthunkwhonk... what's that?... whoops. Didn't tear the hose off though.

Dom Heffner
05-06-2010, 06:55 PM
One time I stuck my hand into a set of running cake beaters just to prove to my mother that they wouldn't cut them off.

Dumb, dumb, dumb...

Scrap Irony
05-06-2010, 08:59 PM
While in college, I was working at Sbarro's, a pizza chain in most malls with mirrors all over the front of the restaurant. I had worked four days in a row, and, as a result, was down to my last pair of black pants. They, of course, had a broken zipper, but were otherwise just fine. So, putting an apron over my open zipper so no one would notice, I went ahead and worked.

Fast forward a couple hours. Rush hour noon on a Saturday. Christmas season. Making pizza after pizza after pizza. Pulled out a particularly difficult loaded supreme with my apron. Noticed the septagenarian notice me. In, like, a thousand mirrors.

Apologized profusely. She said it was alright, that she had been married before for almost 50 years and had seen "one of those". A comic pause, then, "Of course, it had been a few years."

GIDP
05-06-2010, 09:54 PM
Rosie O' Donnel

TheNext44
05-06-2010, 10:22 PM
I prepaid for some gas once and drove off without pumping it. I got a couple miles down the road and when I was still sitting on empty, I figured something was wrong. I went back to pump it and the attendant was laughing his head off.

When I was 16 and driving legally for a full 72 hours, I decided to try the Wendy's drive through. I got totally confused by the whole two window deal, paid at the first one and then just drove off. I was too embarrassed to go back for my double cheeseburger, fries and frosty.

dabvu2498
05-06-2010, 11:43 PM
I prepaid for some gas once and drove off without pumping it. I got a couple miles down the road and when I was still sitting on empty, I figured something was wrong. I went back to pump it and the attendant was laughing his head off.

I once paid for fast food and drove off as soon as I got my change.

No sandwiches.

I pulled back in a few cars later and the girl handed me my bag. The order was not mine. I don't imagine anyone at that Wendy's that got got the food they actually ordered.

guttle11
05-07-2010, 12:16 AM
One time I came out of the gym to find that I had locked my keys in my car. I spent the next half hour angry that my two roommates weren't home to bring me my spare key. Eventually I gave up and walked home (nearly three miles round trip) to get my spare key, climbing through the window to get in. When I got back to the car and unlocked the door, I noticed the lock didn't click to unlock. The door was unlocked the whole time. I simply saw my keys on the passenger seat and assumed, never even tried to open the door. Probably the only time in 10 years of driving that I didn't lock my door outside of a garage.

My roommates saved the voicemails I left for audio proof that I'm a doofus.

919191
05-07-2010, 02:13 AM
When I was abou 17, back in the late 1970's, my hometown bank got a new drive-up system- the kind with the pneumatic tube and plastic canister. All I had ever seen was the window for direct person to person contact. It was new to me. On a Saturday, I deposited 3 tens, along with the slip. I pulled out the canister, laid the 3 tens with the slip where the canister had sat, and then put the canister back, as if it were a paperweight. When the ran the thing, only one ten made it through. The other two of them and the slip got stuck somewhere n between and actually caused it to stop working. They shut it down, and had it worked on Monday, and actually retrieved my other twenty bucks. I still hate drive ups.

dougdirt
05-07-2010, 02:22 AM
One time I stuck my hand into a set of running cake beaters just to prove to my mother that they wouldn't cut them off.

Dumb, dumb, dumb...

So, who was right?

Roy Tucker
05-07-2010, 09:28 AM
We'd driven down to Florida for vacation and we'd driven through the night so the kids would sleep. By the time we got there, I was running on fumes.

We got in the elevator to go up to the condo. Instead of pushing a floor button on the side of the door like any other human being, I reached up and pushed the floor indicator light over top of the door. Pushed a couple times and was puzzled why it didn't work. My wife looked at me like I had a third eye in the middle of my forehead, pushed the regular button, and said "what in the world are you doing?". It made sense to me at the time.

Every time we go on vacation now, she tells that story.

Kingspoint
05-07-2010, 07:11 PM
Rosie O' Donnel

Funniest, not grossest.

Kingspoint
05-07-2010, 07:17 PM
At a baseball game in while in College and I went to get the beers. (Single-A game)

We're sitting down at the 3rd base line and there were a couple of fat chicks in front of us with their legs on the seats in front of them tanning their stretched out legs.

As I'm coming back with the beers, one in one hand, and two in one of those cardboard drink cup containers. Instead of going down to the aisle and going up the row, I decide to take a short-cut diagonally across the seats.

About two rows from our seat, I trip, and of course my only desire is to save the beers.

With no hope of regaining my footing, I sprawl out length-wise handing the single beer in my left hand to a buddy.

With the beers in the cardboard carrier in my right hand I'm able to save them as my prostrate body slams into the back of the seats the girls are sitting in. One of the fat chicks is catapulted completely into the seat in front of as if she had been sitting there all along.

I'm not sure which was funnier....her being catapulted into the seat in front of her, or my flying through the air landing on the ground, but saving all three beers.

I'm lying on the ground below our seats, and the most important part.....neither beer was spilled.

Patrick Bateman
05-07-2010, 07:38 PM
Now this isn't me....

but remember the time time Kingspoint stated as fact that the Blazers would win the NBA this year, or at worst win the first series.

That was pretty dumb and funny.

Kingspoint
05-07-2010, 10:46 PM
Now this isn't me....

but remember the time time Kingspoint stated as fact that the Blazers would win the NBA this year, or at worst win the first series.

That was pretty dumb and funny.

It was "fixed".

It was the ref's fault.

The Sun got up on the wrong side of the Earth.

I meant the 2010-2011 season.

Degenerate39
05-07-2010, 10:54 PM
Rosie O' Donnel

I wish I could rep you right now

Patrick Bateman
05-07-2010, 11:49 PM
It was "fixed".

It was the ref's fault.

The Sun got up on the wrong side of the Earth.

I meant the 2010-2011 season.

Lol, was just hoping to get a response from you after you left the other thread.

Hopefully your Hawks talk is more fruitful.

GIDP
05-07-2010, 11:52 PM
I wish I could rep you right now

Ill just take some mental rep.

flyer85
05-07-2010, 11:57 PM
Proving to my mother that bees wouldn't sting if I stomped on them in my bare feet.

Dom Heffner
05-08-2010, 12:01 AM
So, who was right?

I was right but they were bruised and bloodied and the beaters broke.

Truly painful. Obviously LOL....

redsmetz
05-08-2010, 10:12 AM
One time a long time ago, I think I was only 16 or so, I put a bunch of CDs (remember those?) on the top of my car for a second because my hands were full. Of course, I drove off with them still there. Of course they were toast.

Oh no, I can out do that one. I placed my Martin guitar, thankfully in its hardshell case, on top of our car. As we drove down the hill, I realized the guitar was not in the back seat. Thinking I'd left it sitting on the sidewalk, I hit the brakes to head back up the hill. Flying off the top of the car was my precious guitar. Thankfully, as I said, the case absorbed the full brunt of the crashing to the ground and now has a crack in it, but the guitar was unscathed.

yab1112
05-08-2010, 01:41 PM
Once in school I was trying to impress some girls so I stood between two desks with one hand on each one. I lifted myself up and started swinging my whole body back and forth. It took about two swings before the weight I was putting on the desks made them slide away from me, at which point I had nothing holding me up and I promptly faceplanted into the floor. :cool:

GIDP
05-08-2010, 01:56 PM
Once in school I was trying to impress some girls so I stood between two desks with one hand on each one. I lifted myself up and started swinging my whole body back and forth. It took about two swings before the weight I was putting on the desks made them slide away from me, at which point I had nothing holding me up and I promptly faceplanted into the floor. :cool:

ROFL this is only funny because the perfect mental image you can get from it. HA

Kingspoint
05-08-2010, 04:53 PM
That's a category in and of itself....

Dumb things the Y-chromosome does to impress the X-chromosome.

TheNext44
05-08-2010, 06:40 PM
That's a category in and of itself....

Dumb things the Y-chromosome does to impress the X-chromosome.

Exactly.

For those interested in that, I recommend this book...

Men Are Stupid, Women Are Mean (http://www.amazon.com/Men-Are-Stupid-Women-Mean/dp/1448974291/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1273354773&sr=8-1)

GAC
05-09-2010, 06:34 AM
My list would be quite extensive.

For starters.... see redhawkfish's signature. :D

Razor Shines
05-09-2010, 05:54 PM
It was "fixed".

It was the ref's fault.

The Sun got up on the wrong side of the Earth.

I meant the 2010-2011 season.

:laugh::laugh: Finally! You should have come back in the thread and said that.

Kingspoint
05-09-2010, 10:26 PM
:laugh::laugh: Finally! You should have come back in the thread and said that.

It was too hard to do it. I couldn't even open the thread. I'll look at it next year. :D

Razor Shines
04-25-2011, 02:30 PM
Ok, so something I did a while ago, but haven't been able to admit on here.

So some time last year I started listening to the Avett Brothers. The first time I listened to them my wife and I were listening to their "Live Vol. 3" album and the song "Murder in the City" was starting to play.

My wife, who already knew the song, said "Oh, this is my favorite song of theirs" and turned up the car volume.

I thought the opening line was "Fa(gay guy) murdered in the city.."

I didn't say anything and listened to the song and I was pretty confused. Afterwards, I said "So, that song was about hate crimes...in some way??"

She just looked at me and said "huh, what?" So I told her what I thought the line was and she laughed and she laughed. Finally she told me the line is "IF I GET Murdered..." and I felt pretty stupid.

We were driving home from her sister's yesterday and listening to that "Live Vol. 3" and she reminded me of how dumb I was when "Murder in the City" began to play.

Eric_the_Red
04-25-2011, 03:13 PM
Ok, so something I did a while ago, but haven't been able to admit on here.

So some time last year I started listening to the Avett Brothers. The first time I listened to them my wife and I were listening to their "Live Vol. 3" album and the song "Murder in the City" was starting to play.

My wife, who already knew the song, said "Oh, this is my favorite song of theirs" and turned up the car volume.

I thought the opening line was "Fa(gay guy) murdered in the city.."

I didn't say anything and listened to the song and I was pretty confused. Afterwards, I said "So, that song was about hate crimes...in some way??"

She just looked at me and said "huh, what?" So I told her what I thought the line was and she laughed and she laughed. Finally she told me the line is "IF I GET Murdered..." and I felt pretty stupid.

We were driving home from her sister's yesterday and listening to that "Live Vol. 3" and she reminded me of how dumb I was when "Murder in the City" began to play.

A couple weeks ago I listened to the same record and thought it said the same thing. Then I looked up the lyrics. :laugh:

Jefferson24
04-25-2011, 04:57 PM
I hooked my dog's leash around the car antenna did a few other things forget he was there and backed up and then went on down the road about two blocks. He got some road burn and had to have his paws bandaged up for a week or so. He fully recovered and never held it against me. That was just a real dumb thing, dog was lucky, he could have been easily killed. This happened in 1994, dog passed in 2005 he was a real good dog.

medford
04-25-2011, 05:20 PM
I hooked my dog's leash around the car antenna did a few other things forget he was there and backed up and then went on down the road about two blocks. He got some road burn and had to have his paws bandaged up for a week or so. He fully recovered and never held it against me. That was just a real dumb thing, dog was lucky, he could have been easily killed. This happened in 1994, dog passed in 2005 he was a real good dog.

Do you know what the penalty is for that in this state?

Jefferson24
04-25-2011, 08:45 PM
No idea. The vet said it happens more frequently than you would think, he sees it a number of times each year.

RBA
04-25-2011, 09:04 PM
No idea. The vet said it happens more frequently than you would think, he sees it a number of times each year.

I guess you are not a fan of Vacation.

Jefferson24
04-25-2011, 11:49 PM
I guess you are not a fan of Vacation.

I have seen it. My brain was not registering on that level when I first read the response. Takes me while sometimes.

Jefferson24
04-25-2011, 11:55 PM
At a baseball game in while in College and I went to get the beers. (Single-A game)

We're sitting down at the 3rd base line and there were a couple of fat chicks in front of us with their legs on the seats in front of them tanning their stretched out legs.

As I'm coming back with the beers, one in one hand, and two in one of those cardboard drink cup containers. Instead of going down to the aisle and going up the row, I decide to take a short-cut diagonally across the seats.

About two rows from our seat, I trip, and of course my only desire is to save the beers.

With no hope of regaining my footing, I sprawl out length-wise handing the single beer in my left hand to a buddy.

With the beers in the cardboard carrier in my right hand I'm able to save them as my prostrate body slams into the back of the seats the girls are sitting in. One of the fat chicks is catapulted completely into the seat in front of as if she had been sitting there all along.

I'm not sure which was funnier....her being catapulted into the seat in front of her, or my flying through the air landing on the ground, but saving all three beers.

I'm lying on the ground below our seats, and the most important part.....neither beer was spilled.

I tripped getting into a hot tub while on vacation in Mexico. I was holding a beer. Every part of me went under except for the hand with the beer. I spilled a little but substantially saved the Corona.

Cuban_Missile
04-26-2011, 02:10 PM
I can't tell who was dumber in this story me or the guy I said it to.

This past winter I was working my security job at the Beach in Mason. We were open for Holiday Fest, (basically outdoor ice skating, carriage rides, and Santa.) I was with my co-worker Gordon Bombay freezing outside and all we had to heat us was a propane heater. Now if anyone has ever seen or used a propane heater you know the heating unit just attaches just to the top of the propane tank and burns the propane to heat the top metal head.

With that being said we were at the admissions turnstiles getting receipts, tickets, and checking bags. After doing this in single digit days all day everyday you tend to get very cold and very bored. So Gordon and I started messing around shooting the receipt paper in the head of the propane heater and watching it catch fire and burn up. It was something simple and fun to get our minds off the cold and boredom.

Then I took it to the next level and made a huge wad and crammed it in between the grates and watched it catch and start to burn, just at that moment 4 customers come walking up to the turnstiles. As they were entering the most redneck of the bunch the older man said, "Boys your heater is smoking over here."

Without thinking twice I looked over at him and admitted what I had done but tried to play it off by saying, "Yeah that is just the paper in the bottom, it does that sometimes." Thinking I had been caught or this guy would have looked at me like I was an idiot.

But on the contrary he sat there looking at the burning paper for a minute that clearly was not part of the heater or the way it functioned and looked back at us and proclaimed, "Well ok then, look honey that heater also burns paper. It must be a hybrid to save gas and go green, WE NEED TO GET ONE! Our heater just burns the gas and says not to put paper in it!"

Gordon Bombay and I are rolling with laughter at this point and turn around just in time to watch the older man wad up his receipt and jam it right into the heater proclaiming, "This whole going green thing is fun!"

Kingspoint
04-26-2011, 02:10 PM
I tripped getting into a hot tub while on vacation in Mexico. I was holding a beer. Every part of me went under except for the hand with the beer. I spilled a little but substantially saved the Corona.

That takes skill. It's like a Janish backhand stab and throw.

RBA
04-27-2011, 03:25 AM
I would post all my dumb things, but this site has limited bandwidth.

Puffy
04-27-2011, 11:57 AM
Hmmmmm, which one to pick.....

Back when I was living in Syracuse me and my roommates went out one Saturday night (shocking, I know) in January. Anyway, we lived in Liverpool at the time so to get to Downtown Syracuse was about a 10-15 minute cab ride. So, we go out and do our normal drinking and hitting on chicks. Pretty standard night.

So its now 2 in the morning, the bars are closing and we hop in a cab to go home. I mentioned it was January for a reason. In January in Syracuse there is guaranteed to be 2 to 3 feet of snow on the ground at all times. So we are in cab and one of my buddies starts hitting the other two of us on legs and making hand gestures. We immediately understand that he wants to jump on the cab (in other words run and not pay). Both my other buddy and I shake our heads no because no planning was done beforehand. But Pete, my buddy with the idea, starts diagramming our plan on his leg. Now to jump a cab is not difficult. So the plan is easy. You get out and all run in different directions. We finally agreed.

We get to the apartment complex we lived in and took the cab to the farthest corner of the "Village." The Village was large enough that by doing this we would have plenty of room to run and plenty of buildings to run thru to get cabby to lose us rather easily. Anyway, we stop, all three of us get out, and WHAM all take off running. Well, Pete ran one way. Trev and I ran another but the same way. Still not a big deal but if Cabby had decided to chase up there were two of us running together. Well, we turned and ran behind some buildings and that meant we were running in 2 and a half feet of snow. We are running and looking back, running and looking back.

All of a sudden, Whap, I ran into something hard. My glasses went flying! I doubled over in pain. Turns out I ran straight into a tree stump. Rib high. I sat there for a couple of minutes trying to catch my breath. Trev didn't see me and he kept running so it was just me. I tried to find my glasses but in the snow in the dead of night, they were gone. I then decided I was walking right down middle of road and if cabby found me then so be it I would pay. He didn't. But it took me about an hour to find my way back to my apartment. With two cracked ribs.

Oh, and I still beat Trev home. He got lost even worse than me!

OldRightHander
04-27-2011, 12:32 PM
If you want a list, call my wife.