Doctor Claims He Travels Back In Time To Heal
State Health Officials Not Buying It
POSTED: 9:14 am EDT September 29, 2006
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COLUMBUS, Ohio -- An Ohio chiropractor who claimed to treat patients using time travel has surrendered his license to practice.
State regulators had been investigating Dr. James Burda of Athens, who said he could take care of anyone, anywhere by reaching back in time to when the injury occurred.
Burda said he discovered the skill six years ago when he hurt his own foot while driving. He said he gave the pain a command to stop and it went away.
He said he doesn't use force to realign bones, but he uses his mind to manipulate the body. But if that doesn't work, he said he travels back in time to fix the problem. He calls the practice Bala-Keem. State medical officials call it malpractice.
Burda's Web site offered long-distance healing service for $60 an hour.
Burda said that his practice is beyond chiropractic, and is beyond what "they understand." He said that anything that's beyond what people don't understand scares them.
The Ohio State Chiropractic Board accused him of being unable to practice due to mental illness. Now, in a written statement, Burda acknowledges his form of treatment was not acceptable.
IMO, the people who believed him should be the ones we are more worried about. How does that conversation go?
Doctor: How did you hurt yourself?
Patient: I fell down some stairs.
Doctor: And what was the date that this occured.
Patient: Last Tuesday.
Doctor: About what time did this happen?
Patient: I don't know, about 11:30 am... Why?
Doctor: Well, I'm going into that machine over there. I have to know what time to set it back to so I can go back and stop you from falling. I don't actually adjust your back or treat your injury. I stop it from happening.
Patient: Wow, that makes sense. Why don't more Chiropracters do this.
Doctor: Because they think time travel is something I make up to get your money.
Patient: Well, it all makes sense now........ They're jealous!
Doctor: Exactly. Well, If you want to go ahead and relax, I'm going to go stop you from falling.
Doctor dissapears behind a curtain and makes various noises. Comes back out5 minutes later.
Doctor: Well, I stopped you from falling.
Patient: But I still remember falling. If your really stopped it, wouldn't I forget?
Doctor: No, thats what they want you to believe. Thats crazy. Thats something Hollywood puts in movies. Anyway, how do you feel.
Patient: My back still hurts.
Doctor: Well, it will take about an hour for the changes to take place. The effects are delayed. Anyway, you'll be as good as new tomarrow.
Patient: I thought you said I'd be better in an hour?
Doctor: You'll start feeling it in an Hour, but the full effects take about a week. Anyway, that will be 180 dollars.
Patient: What? I've only been here about 10 minutes. I thought it was 60 dollars an hour?
Doctor: Yeah but you told me you fell at 11:30 am. You actually fell at about 2:30 pm. Thats three hours I had to wait.
Patient: But you were only gone about 5 minutes.
Doctor: Thats because I set the time machine for 5 minutes after I left when it was time for me to come back. Look, its complicated stuff that only people with understanding about time travel like me can understand. I could go on and on all day, but you wouldn't understand. Trust me, you're healed.
Patient: Wow, your smart. Yeah, here is your money. I'm sure glad you know about time travel. Sorry you had to wait for so long for me to fall.
BTW, in case you couldn't tell, I have nothing better to do than make up a fake conversation between a crazy doctor and stupid patient.