Originally Posted by Dom Heffner
GAC- with the thread title I was expecting to read a story about bravery or something truly amazing...
I was not expecting a tale about stained underwear on somebody's head.
I've got some doozies Dom from my Navy days. I saw some very strange stuff.
One time, this guy went nutso, walked up into Officers Country and stole the Captain's hat hanging on the hat rack outside his office. These are those gold clustered hats that aren't cheap. This guy was then walking around the ship wearing the hat and demanding guys salute him.
The MPs chased this guy all over the ship. They finally cornered him up on one of the forward masts where he was hanging the Capt's hat out swearing to drop it in the ocean. The senior MP, who had been in the Navy 33 years and was the biggest jerk you'd ever want to meet, decided he was gonna do the macho thing and storm this guy.
The guy decked him!
Everyone was standing around on various parts of the ship watching this transpire..... and lovin' every minute of it. We were told to disburse several times, but didn't.
Anyway - they finally got this guy down and arrested him.
From there he had to go to a judicial proceeding called Captain's Mast.
That's right - that's where you get to stand before the "old man" whose hat you had stolen.
Some of the petty officers in my department had to be there as witnesses, so they relayed the following back to us after it was over. Quite hilarious....
This guy stood before the Captain, at attention, and never said a word as the Captain read him the riot act. He reamed him pretty good. After he was done, the Captain asked him if he had anything to say in his defense?
This guy reaches in to his back pocket, pulls out his wallet and flips it open like it was a communicator, and speaks into it saying "Kirk to Enterprise, beam me aboard."
Everyone in the room wanted to laugh, but they had to practice restraint as the captian screamed "GET THIS GUY OUT OF HERE!!"