Re: Jay Bruce, how good will be be?
If you look in the American League rules, the technical name for the position is the "Designated Jay Bruce."
Jay Bruce home runs are not measured by tape measures, they are tracked by GPS satellites.
Jay Bruce catches everything in centerfield, included germs and diseases. His body fights those diseases off by smashing them with miniature bats produced by his bone marrow. So far, Jay Bruce has never been sick.
Nobody pencils Jay Bruce in on a lineup card -- they carve his name using the blood of vanquished opponents.
Before Jay Bruce bats, evacuation orders are given for 3 miles behind the outfield walls.
Jay Bruce was not issued a birth certificate in the hospital, instead he was given a Hall of Fame plaque with his Social Security Number pre-engraved. That number? Infinity.
23 Years and Counting...