Originally Posted by *BaseClogger*
They once made Jay Bruce toilet paper, but it wouldn't take sh** from anybody.
Jay Bruce can beat Ray Charles or Stevie Wonder in a staring contest.
Jay Bruce makes onions cry.
Jay Bruce was born on February 30th. Of next year.
According to the Federal Rules of Evidence, Jay Bruce is always relevant.
Jay Bruce walks on 4 pitches just like anyone else, but when he does, the balls light up on the scoreboard at 50 times their normal size.
On his taxes, Jay Bruce claims the other 24 members of his team as "dependents."
Jay Bruce's sweat can be injected as a performance-enhancing drug. Users of this substance can be identified when their heads explode spontaneously.
Any item with Jay Bruce's signature immediately becomes legal tender and can be traded for cash at all Federal Reserve banks.
March 19, 2003: Shipment of Jay Bruce bats mistakenly delivered in Baghdad.
March 20, 2003: United States Invades Iraq to find WMDs