[Dom Heffner]

Tommyjohn25, I am so happy you wrote this. You are obviously in a sad state of mind and I always admire people who just let it out there for others to see.

I remember growing up when people would talk about how life was about to get tough very shortly and until recently, I had no idea what they were talking about. I rode around a 2 mile radius on a 10 speed bike, I had every Star Wars doll manufactured, Pete Rose was my hero, heck, I even took piano lessons. I could get away with saying crazy things (I once explained pulling the ball to my ever attentive cousins as the ball "sticking to my bat" without so much as a question), staying up late, and truthfully ignoring every warning my parents ever gave me because I knew they'd be there to catch my every fall.

There were little hints that things would always not go my way- Marci Lang or Paula Carter never liked me back no matter how many romantic letters my 8 year old heart could muster- but for the most part my parents made sure my life went full steam ahead with little to no problems.

I find myself thinking of those days sometimes because life sure is a lot harder now. Like you, I've hit a bit of a rough patch lately and the thoughts you express here have all been through my head at one point or another. I have felt lost, missed things, made some mistakes where I knew better, made mistakes where nobody would have ever thought something could go wrong.

I've hit rock bottom, bounced right back, only to have something put me right back down again.

The difference between now and being a little kid, I think, is that it's all on me now. I have to straighten this all out. I have to be my own best friend, my own parent, the boss of my life.

I can't tell you how do that in your situation. It may be grabbing hold of yourself and toughing this out, all the while knowing in your heart of hearts that even the worst of times are temporary. It might be grabbing all of your stuff and moving back to the one you love, world be damned, immediately as you finish reading these words.

Though I can't tell you how to do it, I can tell you that if you don't take some control you risk losing yourself, your way, maybe even something else that you love dearly.

I would guide yourself through this as you would a dear friend. Giving yourself the benefit of the doubt at every turn, with as much patience and love as you would with anybody you truly care for.

With all apologies to Evan Dando, you're still a man, it's just a horse, and you've got the reins, whether you realize it or not.

Take the reins, be your own best friend, and think about what would make you happy, what would make things right.

Then do it.