Re: Substitute teaching
Being a substitute is like your first day of prison. When you go in, you have to make a decision: Am I going to beat someone up, or am I going to be friends with someone who can protect me? The thing is, you're seen as the prison guard, so no one will protect you. Therefore, you have to beat someone up, figuratively speaking.
As soon as you walk in the class, find a kid that's doing something wrong. Even if he/she isn't doing anything wrong, you can find something. Then, punish the kid. The student will whine and try to talk her/his way out of it, but just stick to your guns, and send her/him to the corner or whatever.
Soon, someone will try to test you. Yell. And I mean yell. Here's the beauty of it:
When you yell, all the students want to know what you're saying. You're causing a big disruption, and instead of them going off and doing bad things on their own, they will pay attention to you because they're entertained. Soon enough, the allure of yelling will wear off, and you'll have to find something else to keep their attention.
That's the key to being a substitute teacher. Just be entertaining. The thing is, nothing wholesome entertains kids. You have to use drugs, sex, and violence. Obviously, for legal reasons, it's difficult to stick to these themes in the presence of young people. This is when you make up stories about how a friend of yours was mobbed on the streets last night. Then the kids will think they have power as they try to inform you of why the person was mobbed. They will want to know all the details, and if they but your story (and they will), they will try to give tips. It makes the kids think they're hard and gives them a feeling of power. And if you have a class full of do-gooders, they'll just be quiet the whole time, and you can ignore them anyway.
The term 'substitute teacher' is very misleading. You're not going to teach them anything. I hate to tell you this, but you're probably just a baby-sitter. Anyway, I hope this helped. Being a substitute baby-sitter should give you some great stories that you can tell over and over for the rest of your life.