Re: Advice about a prodigal son needed
Here's the thing about a halfway house....they're part and parcel of the drug culture lifestyle, but they're looked down on by "normal" people. That can work against you. For recovering addicts, associations are incredibly important, maybe the most important thing. You said he has some good associations and some bad ones, right? My fear would be that if he goes to the halfway house, his good friends might distance themselves from him due to the stigma, while the bad ones wouldn't bat an eye. They'd be totally accepting of it. That's exactly the opposite of what you want, because given the choice, he's going to want to be around the people that accept them.
I think you (and him, for that matter) need to have a better idea of WHY he desperately wants to live with you instead of the halfway house. I think that's the key, really. Is it because he thinks going home is the best thing for his recovery, or is it just because it feels safe, secure and comfortable? He may not even know himself, at this point. But it's really important that you find out.
The thing is, nobody wants to live in a halfway house. They make you feel like an invalid. But it's not as bad as jail. Somebody who's committed to their recovery, even if they don't exactly feel it's necessary, would probably be prepared to accept it. They would understand the gravity of their situation, and would rather go through the temporary discomfort of a halfway house than risk a relapse.
It's hard to tell as an outsider, though. I had some drug problems in my early 20s, too. I had gotten into some legal trouble as well, and I'll say that the answer isn't very cut and dry. Some of the trouble I was able to sort of "weasel" my way out of, and sometimes that was the best thing. At other times, I had to pay the consequences and that was good, too. It all depends on where you're at mentally.
If I was you, I'd at least be suspicious of the fact that he "desperately" wants to come home. It smacks of running away from the consequences of his actions. I'm not saying it necessarily is that, but I'd be suspicious. Have a conversation with him about it. If you get the feeling that he IS still running, then he probably needs some more legal supervision. He has to get to the point where he sees his recovery as an undertaking that he's responsible for the outcome over. Until then, you want him surrounded by professionals. They tend to be former addicts themselves, and that usually gives them a better insight into his behavior and mindset. They'll be able to spot the signs and take precautionary measures if he starts to go the wrong way.
Last edited by kpresidente; 11-16-2008 at 05:21 PM.