Re: How i screwed everything up.
When I read page one, my heart also broke, man I feel so bad for you. I really wish there was something I could offer, or say, or do, but I don't know exactly what you're going through.
Though I've had some rough patches, mainly the last year or so, where I've also stopped caring and just didn't believe I deserved anything, I tried to keep a smile on, and until recently no one had said anything to me, or tried to make me feel better, because I did such a good job about keeping it in, although I was hurting so bad inside.
Lately I've just been sad. There's really no reason, other than I'm a little behind with money, but I just wake up everyday and don't really feel like doing anything, or want to talk with anyone, and just feel sorry for myself. I mean I'm finally doing one of my dreams (playing out in a band), and that makes me feel good, at least for a day or two, but after that, I'm just sad. I hate the feeling, and I wish I knew how to conquer it.
But after reading the last two pages, and seeing that you're getting help from people on the board, just makes me feel a little better about the "natural good" in people. It kind of gives me hope that there actually might be something inside me that's worth sharing, and something to feel good about myself.
Let's make some noise!