Re: How i screwed everything up.
How incredibly brave to put yourself out here like this. I echo what many earlier have said, you're a rock star here, a voice we all want to hear on any important topic.
You get knocked down, you get back up. Again and again. It's never easy, but it's what life is.
A lot of people here feel like they know you, and love you for your heart, your passion, your spirit. The very things you think you're missing.
Get yourself happy, bro. Stop pounding yourself. You do have to own your mistakes, but you aren't defined by them. Just like on an airplane, when the oxygen mask drops, get yours on first, then help your neighbor.
Time to reflect and heal yourself. Open your heart and go where the inner voice takes you.
I can't even imagine the guts it took to start this thread. That's not a small thing. None of us would have ever imagined you were going through all of this. We just know you as a brilliant guy with a love for baseball.
Good luck, and find happiness and embrace it as your birthright.
"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover."
~ Mark Twain