Originally Posted by TRF
One thing i have always worried about was the effect of therapy on me as a person. Would it change me so much that I no longer recognized me? What I failed to realize was that me was really broken. Hell, even I wouldn't want to be around me. And I didn't. I'd fall into non-thinking/doing states all the time. I was... there, and that is about it. Really I still am in that state. Last night was particularly rough. All the stuff brought up in therapy yesterday made me wonder if the deck is just too stacked or if the wall is too high to climb. Fell right back into the same routine. One word answers and lots of TV.
Didn't really want to wake up today. Fortunately the next 5 days are pretty active. That usually helps.
not sure if this will help, as I have been in your shoes and it really does seem as if nothing will help, especially a bunch of strangers on a internet site....but I was where you are right now, therapy, lost marriage, drinking and doing drugs as an escape....alienated my family because I was broke and did not know how to fix myself, I lost friends, I blamed family for my problems......
bottom line is this....you have to embrace the people that want to help you, maybe one day they will need your help, but today they are helping you....take that all in, cherish it....all these "strangers" on this site will do anything to help you and that in itself is amazing....these people love you TRF....the next thing you need to do is "man up"....you have to realize that the past is the past, you cant live today thinking about the past...today is the new day and the start of you living a new life, dont forget that.
your wife.....if you love her....go get her.....do whatever it takes to get her back, if she is your rock, like my wife is to me, then you need to go get that woman back.....who cares if she is seeing someone else, go far and above what the old TRF would do and try your best.....if she still does not want you back then you will never live another day "wondering" if you could have done more.....never leave that doubt in your head.
the next thing you do....is make a list of all things that you want to do...not what you need to do....but what you want to do....do yo want to see the grand canyon? do you want to go to a Reds game and sit in the diamond club seats? whatever it is, start saving money and start doing the things that TRF wants to do and dont stop until you get things done.....no matter the cost.
I was seeing a therapist once a week due to my past....I wasnt me, and I wanted to change...these are the things that my therapist wanted me to do and it helped me a ton....althought my wife never left, she was mentally gone and ready to pull the trigger on a divorce at any moment....now we are the best of friends and closest of companions...we go to church every sunday and we both make lists of stuff we want to do and we make sure that we each get to do 1 big thing a year....we might go in debt doing them, but we do it..
Hope it works out for ya pal, I really do....keep that head held high and man up, trust me, you will start to feel better...