Originally Posted by savafan
I'm going through almost the exact same thing right now. Maybe we can help each other. I really don't have anybody else.
sava, pm me anytime i'll give you my email addy.
so, an update. we spoke.
ok we texted.
i'm almost positive she has been with this other guy. what surprises me is that it doesn't matter. i was trying to destroy our marriage, mostly out of life long guilt. she is looking to fill a void in her heart. In a weird way i am glad he was there for her.
so, we texted last night. just casually. when it turned somewhat serious, she balked, but stood her ground that it is over. but she let me text. and she answered. I don't think it is so clear for her right now. I think she has hope that i am changing.
Here is the kicker.. i'm not doing it for her, i'm doing it for me. to no longer be sedentary. I hope she sees it, believes in it, but ultimately my happiness has to come first, with or without her.
I'm really buying into the idea of unconditional love. It may be why i am not so bothered by her relationship with his guy. I WANT her to be happy. I'd prefer it were with me, but in the end that choice is hers, not mine.
But though i was restless, and couldn't sleep, it was not from worry, but from something so foreign to me, i can't put it into words. I just feel like smiling.
I realized how much i'd be missing if i were gone. And I know in my heart how much better i will be to my kids now. In fact, I had the longest conversation with my oldest yesterday in years. no lecture, no disproving tone. just talk. she even invited me to dinner.
my marriage may still be over. I hope it isn't, but i accept the likelihood. My happiness however is in my hands.
and well, i have hope.