Raisor...You should just be happy you're not me.
I had the absolute best girl in the world in the palm of myhand in 1998. Intelligent, stately, demur...Digs good music, and thinks I'm pretty okay looking. At the behest of some friends of mine, she decided to go out with me, and it was a total blast. Good conversation, with a B.S. factor of zero. But bear in mind...I was just 23 or so at the time, and I was utterly clueless as to what was being dumped into my lap by the fates. Iwas a cool guy, popular, living on my own...Women like this were going to be commonplace in my life, right? So I began to get a little "antsy" if you know what I mean. I think in two weeks I kissed her a grand total of five times. Didn't she like me? Who does this girl think I am? Is she leading me on?
So I met this other girl who showed me a "good time" right away.
I ran into Susan at the grocery store a week or so later, and while we were shopping together (can you believe that! I would give my right arm to shop for groceries with her now!), I tell her I met this other girl and well....You get the picture.
I ended up almost marrying this other girl. Luckily it didn't work out. She turned out to be a total drug addict freak, and secretly resented me for not being a total drug addict freak. Game over for her.
In the midst of this "relationship" Susan and I always kept in touch. I found out she had very good reasons for not showing me said "good time", and it made me feel like even more of a jerk.
Just as soon as my fiance and I split up, she started out on a very long relationship with a guy I know. I mean, it lasted for something like three years. Bad timing!
Now they've split up, and we had some amazing talks...Problem is, she's now a flight attendant living in New York. Oh, she pops in and out of town, and we hang out, but she's always worried about her abusive ex boyfriend trying ram her car, or kill himself every time we hang out. She wants me to come to New York, and stay with her for a couple of days, but I'm busy remodeling my home, and working. I suppose she intends to move back here to Columbus in the future, but it's all so complicated I can't possibly explain it here.
She's absolutely perfect in every way. An absolute angel. I can hardly sleep at night, and no girl I meet can ever add up.
I guess I can say that if nothing ever comes of us, at least I've appologized profusely for what I did in the past and she's forgiven me.....But more importantly, I've learned the most valuable love lesson, and I will (and have) put what I've learned into practice with every girl I meet from now.
I guess my point is that it's all a learning process, and maybe with a little patience, and a good solid outlook, along with a sloid support system (which is impossible for a cat like you NOT to have), you'll probably be just fine. You're allowed to wallow, and you're allowed to complain. Drive your friends nuts if you need to.
It's what they're here for.