[Scrap Irony]

My hope is that the Pirate starter, in "protecting" their star, hits a Red in retaliation. The ump then will throw said pitcher out of the game, and the 'Rats will play Johnny All-Staff, costing them the game and a worn-out 'pen for the next night.

This could all be undone, however, if the Pittsburgh is looking for the Reds' star player. Because, y'know, he's not on the field. (Nor is the second-best Red, for that matter.)