Ok. I want to change my answer.
I do hate the Cubs.
And I hate them because of this little guy:
Cubbie Bear stinks. Stylized Cubbie Bear stinks even more.
Aww...look at him...he's sooooooo cute...look at little Cubbie Bear and his cute widdle nose.
Mr. Red needs to grab a Braves tomahawk and just chop that sissy little baby bear to bits. Even worse, in 1997, the Cubs decided that the following image was far more formidable:
Now, let's start with the fact that the white stripe on the little guy's back makes him look like he has a flipped-up monkey tail. That's just stupid. He's a baby bear, not a monkey. Of course, whether he's a baby bear or a monkey makes little difference to me except for the fact that baby bears should not evoke images of adult monkeys. It's an aside. It annoys me, but it still has nothing to do with anything.
What DOES have something to do with it is the obvious move toward pandering to the growing flock of young women who attend games at Wrigley for no other reason than to tan. "Ohhhh....look at the baby bear...awwww...so sweet...can you rub some lotion on my shoulders?"
Now, I have NO problem with hot 20-somethings having lotion rubbed on their lithe tan bodies. In fact, I like that. Really, I do. But I can guarantee that if you asked the VAST majority of these chicks what the "count" is, they'd grab their boyfriend's wallet and start by naming the first bill denomination they see and then get confused when the whole "math" thing kicks in when they find greenback number two.
In short, cute little cuddly baby bear Cubbie logo promotes skin- which is good. But it doesn't promote lapdances for the most part- which is bad. And, worst of all, it means that if I grab a seat in Wrigley to watch a Cubs/Reds game I have a far higher probability of sitting next to a truly stupid person and, even more heinous, that stupid person is most likely going to be pulling my attention from the game. Of course, those chicks are also the same ones who after seeing my wedding ring will ask, "Are your married?"
, and accept "No."
as a truthful response. But I digress...
Furthermore, the current version of Cubbie Bear doesn't really look mad (he's meant to I think). I recall an answer to an obvious question and that answer centers around whether or not a bear you-know-what's in the woods. Well, it doesn't appear that this version of Cubbie Bear can. It just looks like he's either too darn constipated or that his stupid monkey tail is preventing him from doing his "business" so he's grumpy about having to walk out of the woods to drop trau. I do hope the little tyke finds his way out of the woods though and I hope that passers-by decide to ignore the "Don't Feed The Bears" signs. But I hope that the feeding they give this plugged-up bear runt consists of healthy doses of Milk of Magnesia or, at minimum, a few bottles of Metamucil.
Really, Cubbie Bear in all of his various forms is stupid. He's a baby bear. What's he going to do to you? Call his mommy??? Invoke a real bear to beat a fan sensless who had the audacity to not see Moises Alou running toward the wall while trying to catch a foul ball Alou couldn't get to in the playoffs? No. The baby bear will whine and cry (which kinda' sums up the Cubs franchise) and I can guarantee that a little baby bear would find the following guy REALLY scary:
Dude. That is the John Wayne Gacy of baseball logos. There isn't a non-Reds fan who could have possibly made it through the 1960's without nightmares after seeing that image. LOOK AT THE EYES!!! Little kids who came to games and weren't cheering for the Reds HAD to be scared that Mr. Red was hiding in their closet or under the bed. No one has ever been scared that an infant bear was concealed within their room after dark. What's the little tike gonna do? Threaten you with massive cuddling and face licks??
Freakin' guy is running around with a big ol' piece of lumber just waiting to smash baby Cubbie bear in the head. If he misses, he'll just maul the helpless little guy with his razor-sharp spikes. It's an image of terror really. Try to rub suntan lotion on your shoulders with him watching? Nah, because if you don't respect the game he'll just maul you...like a real bear would...not a baby Cubbie bear.
So there. I do hate the Cubs. I hate the Cubs because their logos have traditionally been stupid. Their fan base is getting dumber because of it (although also more attractive) and they're cruel to plugged-up animals who can't take a dump in the woods.
I really don't think there's any way to argue with that reasoning.