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Thread: Things you hear in a bar

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  1. #1
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    Things you hear in a bar

    Barmaid to patron "Sir you are slurring, I am going to have to cut you off"

    Patron to barmaid "I'm not slurring, I'm speaking in cursive"


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    texasdave (04-22-2013)

  3. #2
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    Re: Things you hear in a bar

    Quote Originally Posted by moewan View Post
    Barmaid to patron "Sir you are slurring, I am going to have to cut you off"

    Patron to barmaid "I'm not slurring, I'm speaking in cursive"

    I needed a new signature line. Thanks!
    Quote Originally Posted by moewan View Post
    Barmaid to patron "Sir you are slurring, I am going to have to cut you off"

    Patron to barmaid "I'm not slurring, I'm speaking in cursive"


  4. #3
    Member 757690's Avatar
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    Re: Things you hear in a bar

    Things I hear in a bar...

    No.

    Not if you were the last guy on earth.

    I'm not that drunk.

    Ewwww, absolutely not.

    Get lost, loser.
    "Man, the pitch looks fast, even in slow motion." Thom Brennaman on Chapman's fastball.

  5. #4
    Member Sea Ray's Avatar
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    Re: Things you hear in a bar

    Quote Originally Posted by 757690 View Post
    Things I hear in a bar...

    No.

    Not if you were the last guy on earth.

    I'm not that drunk.

    Ewwww, absolutely not.

    Get lost, loser.
    My wife tells me the best line she ever heard in a bar was:

    "I like your dress. Can I talk you out of it?"

  6. #5
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    Re: Things you hear in a bar

    Quote Originally Posted by Sea Ray View Post
    My wife tells me the best line she ever heard in a bar was:

    "I like your dress. Can I talk you out of it?"
    Spin off of that one I've seen guys try to use:

    "You look great in that (insert outfit here)... you'd look even better with it on the floor)
    Quote Originally Posted by moewan View Post
    Barmaid to patron "Sir you are slurring, I am going to have to cut you off"

    Patron to barmaid "I'm not slurring, I'm speaking in cursive"


  7. #6
    My clutch is broken RichRed's Avatar
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    Re: Things you hear in a bar

    GUY: Excuse me, miss, this is a non-smoking section.

    GAL: But I'm not smoking.

    GUY: Oh, I beg to differ.
    "I can make all the stadiums rock."
    -Air Supply

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  9. #7
    Member medford's Avatar
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    Re: Things you hear in a bar

    I used to hear "last call" often enough.
    Then I got married and I heard it much less.
    Now I have children and I don't hear it at all.

  10. #8
    Box of Frogs edabbs44's Avatar
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    Re: Things you hear in a bar

    A horse walks into a bar. Bartender asks, "Why the long face?"

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  12. #9
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    Re: Things you hear in a bar

    Quote Originally Posted by edabbs44 View Post
    A horse walks into a bar. Bartender asks, "Why the long face?"


    "And why do false truths persist, getting passed down the decades as if they were fact? It comes back to the same point: People believe things that are wrong because, individually, people rarely investigate their own beliefs, particularly when what they believe makes sense intuitively. Even more so when those around them agree with them." -K.F.

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  14. #10
    All work and no play..... Vottomatic's Avatar
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    Re: Things you hear in a bar

    A blind man walks into a bar with a seeing-eye dog. When the blind man reaches the center of the bar, he snatches the dog up by his collar and starts swinging him around and around.

    The bartender speaks up and says "Hey what the hell are you doing?"

    The blind man says, "Just taking a look around.."
    "I can't take this homerism anymore." - 10xWSChamps, August 11, 2010. A Cardinals fan having a problem with all the homerism on Redszone. Classic.

    "Man do I miss the days where were didn't need a calculator and an encyclopedia of baseball metrics to enjoy a baseball game ... - MikeS21" - 8/2/12 game thread

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  16. #11
    First Time Caller SunDeck's Avatar
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    Re: Things you hear in a bar

    Guy orders a beer and while drinking it, he hears a voice from the bar say, "Nice shirt, mister."
    Thinking he may be hearing things he asks the bar tender where the voice is coming from. Bartender replies, "Oh, it's the beer nuts. They're complimentary."
    Next Reds manager, second shooter. --Confirmed on Redszone.

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  18. #12
    All Fired Up Revering4Blue's Avatar
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    Re: Things you hear in a bar

    Bartender to the grasshopper sitting at the bar: "We have a drink named after you."

    Grasshopper to bartender: "No kidding. You have have a drink named Irving?"
    "I have just been more than a little suspect of all the trades since the Willy (Scott Williamson) cash grab. That one left such a bad taste in my mouth that even a 1985 Dom Pérignon couldn't cleanse it." -- Creek14

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  20. #13
    All work and no play..... Vottomatic's Avatar
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    Re: Things you hear in a bar

    A pony walks into a bar and says "Bartender, may I have a drink?"

    Bartender says "What? I can't hear you. Speak up!"

    "May I please have a drink?"

    "What? You have to speak up!"

    "Could I please have a drink?"

    "Now listen, if you don't speak up I will not serve you."

    "I'm sorry, I'm just a little hoarse."
    "I can't take this homerism anymore." - 10xWSChamps, August 11, 2010. A Cardinals fan having a problem with all the homerism on Redszone. Classic.

    "Man do I miss the days where were didn't need a calculator and an encyclopedia of baseball metrics to enjoy a baseball game ... - MikeS21" - 8/2/12 game thread

  21. #14
    All work and no play..... Vottomatic's Avatar
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    Re: Things you hear in a bar

    There is legend that goes like this: In a bar in New York there is a magical mirror If you go up to it and tell it the truth it will grant you a wish If you lie - poof it swallows you up.

    A brunette, a blonde and a redhead walk into this bar. They head straight for the mirror. The redhead goes first and says "I think I'm the most beautiful woman on Earth" Poof- the mirror swallows her up.

    The brunette goes up to the mirror and says "I think I'm the sexiest woman on Earth" Poof - the mirror swallows her up.

    Last, the blonde goes up to the mirror says " I think........" Poof!!
    "I can't take this homerism anymore." - 10xWSChamps, August 11, 2010. A Cardinals fan having a problem with all the homerism on Redszone. Classic.

    "Man do I miss the days where were didn't need a calculator and an encyclopedia of baseball metrics to enjoy a baseball game ... - MikeS21" - 8/2/12 game thread

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  23. #15
    All work and no play..... Vottomatic's Avatar
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    Re: Things you hear in a bar

    A guy walks in to a bar with his dog he puts the dog on the bar and says to the bartender, "This is the smartest dog in the world. I bet five dollars that you can ask him any thing and he will tell you the right answer."

    So the bartender said, "All right. What is 10+11+13."

    The dog said, "34." Wow he got it right. So, he handed over the 5 dollar bill.

    Then the guy said, "Don't let my dog go anywhere I have to use the bathroom."

    So he hands the dog the 5 dollars to hold while he was in the bathroom. The bartender and the dog were having a conversation with each other so the bartender says, "If your so smart go down the road and get me a newspaper." So the dog goes out the door then the guy comes out of the bathroom. He couldn't see his dog so he asks the bartender where the dog was.

    The bartender tells the guy, "The dog went to get me a newspaper."

    The guy throws a fit that the bartender let the dog leave. So the guy goes out to find his dog. He looked all over until he saw his dog in a alley making love to a poodle. The man says, What are you doing? You have never done this before."

    The dog says, "I have never had 5 dollars before either."
    "I can't take this homerism anymore." - 10xWSChamps, August 11, 2010. A Cardinals fan having a problem with all the homerism on Redszone. Classic.

    "Man do I miss the days where were didn't need a calculator and an encyclopedia of baseball metrics to enjoy a baseball game ... - MikeS21" - 8/2/12 game thread

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