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Thread: Things you hear in a bar

  1. #16
    All work and no play..... Vottomatic's Avatar
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    Re: Things you hear in a bar

    A hippopotamus walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a beer. "That will be $7.50 please" says the bartender. So the hippo gives the bartender his money and starts to sip his beer. "You know we don't very many hippos in here" mutters the bartender.

    The hippo replies, "At these prices it's no wonder!"

    ==========================================

    A penguin walks into a bar, he goes to the counter and asks the barman "Have you seen my brother?".

    The barman asks "What does he look like?".

    ==========================================

    A man stomps into a bar, obviously angry. He growls at the bartender, "Gimme a beer", takes a slug, and shouts out, "All lawyers are as$*#%^s!"

    A guy at the other end of the bar retorts, "You take that back!"

    The angry man snarls, "Why? Are you a lawyer?"

    The guy replies, "No, I'm an as$%^le!"
    Last edited by Vottomatic; 05-09-2013 at 12:02 AM.
    "I can't take this homerism anymore." - 10xWSChamps, August 11, 2010. A Cardinals fan having a problem with all the homerism on Redszone. Classic.

    "Man do I miss the days where were didn't need a calculator and an encyclopedia of baseball metrics to enjoy a baseball game ... - MikeS21" - 8/2/12 game thread

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  4. #17
    Member Captain Hook's Avatar
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    Re: Things you hear in a bar

    A drunk is driving through the city and his car is weaving all over the road.

    Finally a cop pulls him over.

    "Did you know", says the cop, "that a couple intersections ago your wife fell out of your car?"

    "Oh thank goodness", sighs the drunk man."For a minute there I thought I had gone deaf".

  5. #18
    Member Sea Ray's Avatar
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    Re: Things you hear in a bar

    Quote Originally Posted by Vottomatic View Post
    A hippopotamus walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a beer. "That will be $7.50 please" says the bartender. So the hippo gives the bartender his money and starts to sip his beer. "You know we don't very many hippos in here" mutters the bartender.
    The hippo replies, "At these prices it's no wonder!"


    Is there a word missing in here?

  6. #19
    All work and no play..... Vottomatic's Avatar
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    Re: Things you hear in a bar

    Quote Originally Posted by Sea Ray View Post
    Is there a word missing in here?
    Yes. Should read.....

    don't "get" very many
    "I can't take this homerism anymore." - 10xWSChamps, August 11, 2010. A Cardinals fan having a problem with all the homerism on Redszone. Classic.

    "Man do I miss the days where were didn't need a calculator and an encyclopedia of baseball metrics to enjoy a baseball game ... - MikeS21" - 8/2/12 game thread

  7. #20
    So Long Uncle Joe BoydsOfSummer's Avatar
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    Re: Things you hear in a bar

    I was sitting at the bar talking to a bartender friend after her shift. This very countrified guy is sitting on the other side of her. He turns to her and in a country drawl, says: "You sure do stink purty M'am."
    0 Value Over Replacement Poster


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  8. #21
    Be the ball Roy Tucker's Avatar
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    Re: Things you hear in a bar

    Thomas Edison walks into a bar and orders a beer.

    The bartender says "I'll serve you, but don't get any ideas".

    Pay attention to the open sky

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  10. #22
    Be the ball Roy Tucker's Avatar
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    Re: Things you hear in a bar

    A priest, a rabbi, and a duck walk into a bar.

    The bartender says "what is this, some kind of joke?".

    Pay attention to the open sky

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  12. #23
    ZCTRMTP!!!!!
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    Re: Things you hear in a bar

    A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says: ''Pint please, and one for the road.''
    Zero chance the Reds miss the playoffs!

  13. #24
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    Re: Things you hear in a bar

    A man walks into a bar and says "Ow"

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  15. #25
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    Re: Things you hear in a bar

    Speaking of a Bar. I have been obsessed with How I Met Your Mother and as I just graduate from college, I feel it's time for me to pick a go-to drink that's pretty manly. (Something to casually sip on when I go out, or whatever.) See, right now my go-tos are White Russians and Royals Flushes, but I need a man drink. I am kinda little whimp on the hardcore side, but I do enjoy good Tequila. Any suggestions?

  16. #26
    First Time Caller SunDeck's Avatar
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    Re: Things you hear in a bar

    Irish whiskey is manly, yet smooth. Try Jameson with a couple cubes of ice.
    Next Reds manager, second shooter. --Confirmed on Redszone.

  17. #27
    Be the ball Roy Tucker's Avatar
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    Re: Things you hear in a bar

    Jameson is good. A good bourbon on the rocks works too. Order that and the bartender goes "oh, OK, we got a serious drinking man here. Yes sir!"

    Nothing with an umbrella.

    Pay attention to the open sky

  18. #28
    Member OnBaseMachine's Avatar
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    Re: Things you hear in a bar

    Two guys walk into a bar. The third one ducked.
    I miss Adam Dunn.

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  20. #29
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    Re: Things you hear in a bar

    If a woman drinks a glass of wine a day chances of a stroke increase. If she drinks the whole bottle, she will probably suck it as well

  21. #30
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    Re: Things you hear in a bar

    Quote Originally Posted by cinreds21 View Post
    Speaking of a Bar. I have been obsessed with How I Met Your Mother and as I just graduate from college, I feel it's time for me to pick a go-to drink that's pretty manly. (Something to casually sip on when I go out, or whatever.) See, right now my go-tos are White Russians and Royals Flushes, but I need a man drink. I am kinda little whimp on the hardcore side, but I do enjoy good Tequila. Any suggestions?
    1792. Smoothest bourbon you will ever drink


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