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Thread: Foot in Mouth Moments

  1. #1
    Member improbus's Avatar
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    Foot in Mouth Moments

    Any good ones?

    I had one recently at a barber shop in Columbus. I mentioned that I went to UK and starting blabbing that UK football games are 50,000 people talking about basketball. The guy cutting my hair played football at UK.
    Variatio delectat - Cicero

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  4. #2
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    Re: Foot in Mouth Moments

    Opined to a woman that you have to be a special brand of idiot to be hit by a train.

    Her father had been hit by a train.

    Fortunately he wasn't killed, he only walked with a limp.
    The widow is gathering nettles for her children's dinner; a perfumed seigneur, delicately lounging in the Oeil de Boeuf, hath an alchemy whereby he will extract the third nettle and call it rent. ~ Carlyle

  5. #3
    RaisorZone Raisor's Avatar
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    Re: Foot in Mouth Moments

    Back in high school I worked at Kroger. One day I asked a customer when she was due to give birth. She wasn't.
    "But I do know Joey's sister indirectly (or foster sister) and I have heard stories of Joey being into shopping, designer wear, fancy coffees, and pedicures."

  6. #4
    Member JaxRed's Avatar
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    Re: Foot in Mouth Moments

    Asked obviously pregnant lady cutting my hair whether it was her first. There was a pause, and I said "Should be easy, it's either your first or not" She says "Well, my first one is in heaven"....

    OMG.....
    The lowest acceptable payroll amount for ownership to show they are not greedy pigs is 15 million more than they are currently paying. No matter what that currently is.

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  8. #5
    Be the ball Roy Tucker's Avatar
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    Re: Foot in Mouth Moments

    The story I tell is when my wife asked me what I'd do without her.

    I said "have a condo in Mt Adams, drive a Porsche, and date a Bengal cheerleader".

    That wasn't the answer she was looking for.

    Pay attention to the open sky

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  10. #6
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    Re: Foot in Mouth Moments

    Quote Originally Posted by Roy Tucker View Post
    The story I tell is when my wife asked me what I'd do without her.

    I said "have a condo in Mt Adams, drive a Porsche, and date a Bengal cheerleader".

    That wasn't the answer she was looking for.

  11. #7
    Beer is good!! George Anderson's Avatar
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    Re: Foot in Mouth Moments

    Years ago when we first moved into my house, I was out walking my dog in our new neighborhood. I came across a lady and 4 young kids outside playing. We made the usual small talk and then I asked her "So are these your grandkids?" She responded with "No, these are my kids".
    "Boys, I'm one of those umpires that misses 'em every once in a while so if it's close, you'd better hit it." Cal Hubbard

  12. #8
    Be the ball Roy Tucker's Avatar
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    Re: Foot in Mouth Moments

    Quote Originally Posted by George Anderson View Post
    Years ago when we first moved into my house, I was out walking my dog in our new neighborhood. I came across a lady and 4 young kids outside playing. We made the usual small talk and then I asked her "So are these your grandkids?" She responded with "No, these are my kids".
    I've had that happen to me. My youngest was born when I was almost 41. At a couple high school functions, people commented "Lizzy, it's so nice you brought your grandpa"

    Grrrrrrr....

    Pay attention to the open sky

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  14. #9
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    Re: Foot in Mouth Moments

    My girlfriend showed my a pic of herself, and I did something incredibly stupid. I told her the truth. I told her the picture was bad and made her look fat. Yeah, that didn't turn out so well.

    I tried to explain to her that I was talking about the picture, that it was bad because it made her look fat when she wasn't fat, but all she heard was me saying the word "fat" over and over again. All she said was, "I can't believe you think I'm fat."

    To get her to stop crying, I told her that I thought she as beautiful as the day I met her, to which she replied, "You thought I was fat when you met me?" and cried even louder.

    Moral of the story: never use the "F" word in front of your girlfriend.
    "Man, the pitch looks fast, even in slow motion." Thom Brennaman on Chapman's fastball.

  15. #10
    Stat geek...and proud
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    Re: Foot in Mouth Moments

    Do these pants make me look fat? No, your cellulite does!

  16. #11
    Member TeamCasey's Avatar
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    Re: Foot in Mouth Moments

    2 of them.

    I've stopped calling people, Ma'am or Sir ........ because I've gotten it wroung a few times now.

    My roommate in college posted her wedding photos. I told her that her Dad looked great, it was nice to see him. (Oops, not her Dad..... it was the groom.)
    "I've never understood the term "women and children" as if their lives are somewhat more important than men."

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  18. #12
    Member RedsfaninMT's Avatar
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    Re: Foot in Mouth Moments

    Will never live it down, and probably shouldn't...

    15 years ago on our anniversary and out to dinner with my wife (who is a "D" cup - it's germane to the story). It's homecoming at the local high school and all these young ladies are coming into the restaurant where we're having dinner, most of them wearing very revealing dresses.

    And I ask my wife: "Did your breasts used to look like that when you were younger."

    Dinner over. Still married. Still not forgiven.

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  20. #13
    Be the ball Roy Tucker's Avatar
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    Re: Foot in Mouth Moments

    Quote Originally Posted by RedsfaninMT View Post
    Will never live it down, and probably shouldn't...

    15 years ago on our anniversary and out to dinner with my wife (who is a "D" cup - it's germane to the story). It's homecoming at the local high school and all these young ladies are coming into the restaurant where we're having dinner, most of them wearing very revealing dresses.

    And I ask my wife: "Did your breasts used to look like that when you were younger."

    Dinner over. Still married. Still not forgiven.
    "And by the way, they're real and they're spectacular".

    Pay attention to the open sky

  21. #14
    Member RedsfaninMT's Avatar
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    Re: Foot in Mouth Moments

    Quote Originally Posted by Roy Tucker View Post
    "And by the way, they're real and they're spectacular".
    Nice response...hers was "no honey, they were better." GACK! @*(&(Y^*%^&

  22. #15
    Member klw's Avatar
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    Re: Foot in Mouth Moments

    My senior year of college a comedian came and did a show. He was telling a number of jokes at the expense of the nationally prominent senator from the neighboring state. The jokes were not getting a strong laugh so the guy says "what are you guys a bunch of Sen. X fans?" Finally someone in the audience yelled "His son goes here" The comic looked like he wanted to crawl into a hole. After a long pause he recovered, said something like "My dad was a fascist too" and then went on.


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