Foot in Mouth Moments

[BUTLER REDSFAN]

Was at my Mom's house for Christmas Eve and spent the night several years back. Somehow in conversation Christmas morning(we opened presents Christmas Eve) we were talking about Odd Lots. I brought up what a second rate store and the junk they sell there. My mom advised me the gift she bought me was from Odd Lots.

[REDREAD]

I've had that happen to me. My youngest was born when I was almost 41. At a couple high school functions, people commented "Lizzy, it's so nice you brought your grandpa"

Grrrrrrr....

People would see my younger brother somewhere and then tell me "I saw your son yesterday"

[Redlegs23]

In a conversation with friends and a couple that I didn't know real well I said "just shoot me now" and made the pistol in the mouth gesture. Found out later the girl whom I didn't know had her father commit suicide by shooting himself. Looking back it was a stupid thing to say in any context since suicide is such a sad tragedy, but I still feel bad about it to this day.

I also have a mental block when it comes to my friend's fiance's name and repeatedly refer to her by his ex's name. It's a pretty icy relationship between the fiance and the ex, but it never fails I screw it up when I'm with them.

[Dom Heffner]

I've probably shared this in another thread...but in case you didn't hear it, it's pretty funny.

I was like 10-12 years old at a family function like Thanksgiving...sitting in a room with my other young cousins and one older one (he was in his 40s...)

A commercial comes on for "Buddy's Carpet Barn," and being the young smart tail, I screamed out "Who would name their kid Buddy?"

Now, I've met two-three Buddy's in my entire lifetime, and I'll be darned if I had forgotten that one of them was my older cousin, sitting two feet away.

"My name's Buddy," he said.

Yes. Yes it is.....

[Dom Heffner]

There was also this one time in high school I had stayed up all night doing a homework project...in a really bad mood...all the other kids were complaining about the amount of work we had to do...

The teacher starts giving us grief about how we don't have to do the work he tells us if we don't want....using reverse psychology......

So I decide to scream out, "What to you want us to be, SPEDs all our lives?"

Now- a word here. I honestly did not know that SPED was short for specuial education. Swear on my father's grave.

And what I also did not know was this teacher had a special needs child and he was also the head of the Clermont County chapter for special needs kids.

And so...I get yelled at...kicked out of class....awful day.

And as a coda to the story: a few weeks ago I was looking up some of my old teachers on ratemyteacher.com or something similar....and there is this teacher's name....with a review of him where a kid was kicked out of class for saying SPED.

I felt better almost thirty years later.

[dougdirt]

I've probably shared this in another thread...but in case you didn't hear it, it's pretty funny.

I was like 10-12 years old at a family function like Thanksgiving...sitting in a room with my other young cousins and one older one (he was in his 40s...)

A commercial comes on for "Buddy's Carpet Barn," and being the young smart tail, I screamed out "Who would name their kid Buddy?"

Now, I've met two-three Buddy's in my entire lifetime, and I'll be darned if I had forgotten that one of them was my older cousin, sitting two feet away.

"My name's Buddy," he said.

Yes. Yes it is.....

Smooth.

[Hollcat]

I'll tell one on my Dad. I was home on leave and stopped by my Dad's work for a visit. While there a girl I had graduated with (about 6 years prior) came in the office. We exchanged greetings and obviousy knew each other. My Dad then asked her if she had been a teacher.

[chicoruiz]

I was arriving at work for a night shift when I saw one of our salesmen walking across the parking lot carrying a cardboard box. Trying to be funny, I said, "Hey John, what's with the box...did management finally wise up and tell you to clean out your desk and get lost?"....

...And he looked back at me sadly and said, "Yes....".

[OldRightHander]

I was sitting in the lunch room at a job years ago and I made a politically incorrect comment regarding...um...sexual preferences that differ from mine...and found out rather quickly that two of my female co-workers were of that persuasion and were rather attached to one another...and they were sitting right there at the same table. Apparently everyone else in the office knew.

[SunDeck]

I've probably shared this in another thread...but in case you didn't hear it, it's pretty funny.

I was like 10-12 years old at a family function like Thanksgiving...sitting in a room with my other young cousins and one older one (he was in his 40s...)

A commercial comes on for "Buddy's Carpet Barn," and being the young smart tail, I screamed out "Who would name their kid Buddy?"

Now, I've met two-three Buddy's in my entire lifetime, and I'll be darned if I had forgotten that one of them was my older cousin, sitting two feet away.

"My name's Buddy," he said.

Yes. Yes it is.....

But the fact is, you were right. Bud is short for a bunch of names, but it's not a name. Or, it's what you call a friend.

[vaticanplum]

A few months ago I worked on a play with an actor whom I know slightly -- lots of mutual friends, I see him at parties, etc., but don't know him well. I knew that he was married and had a couple of kids but had never met any of them.

After the show, we were standing in a circle of several people, and he introduced me to the woman who was with him as Amy. I'm the kind of social butterfly who gets excited upon meeting people I've only ever heard of, so I exclaimed "Oh! You're X's wife!" -- at which point they, and everyone else in the circle, looked very uncomfortable. X then took the opportunity to inform me that he had gotten divorced a few months earlier. Trying to diffuse the situation, I said something like, I'm so sorry, I didn't know, but you have a lovely date! To which he muttered that she wasn't his date, which caused her to glare at him.

My friends who were standing there (and who, I might add, did ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to shut me up in these bumbling few minutes) later informed me that it was widely known that Amy had been THE REASON his marriage had ended, and that he was now trying to blow her off.

On top of all of this, the next time I saw Amy I didn't recognize her and we had to go through the whole rigmarole of how we knew each other, thus essentially reliving the nightmare all over again ("Oh, you're X's...um...friend...Amy! Right!") I'm really just hoping not to run into either of these people ever again.

[Larry Schuler]

Vatican, I can't believe you didn't know the proper social etiquette for greeting a man's mistress.

[vaticanplum]

Vatican, I can't believe you didn't know the proper social etiquette for greeting a man's mistress.

I know, I missed that day in finishing school.

[Roy Tucker]

I know, I missed that day in finishing school.

Mistresses play, men stray, wives stay.

And above all, be discreet.

[GAC]

Sitting in the dental chair ragging on the Steelers (as a Browns fan), and found out my dentist is a rabid Steeler's fan.

Telling my wife to put her teeth back in because I feel like I'm arguing with Walter Brennan.