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Thread: Losing a parent early... how to help the other parent?

  1. #31
    Be the ball Roy Tucker's Avatar
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    Re: Losing a parent early... how to help the other parent?

    My condolences, Doug. My father died in 1994 at the age of 70. It was liver cancer and he went from being pretty OK to dead in about 10 weeks. I still miss him about every day. Probably the best compliment I can pay him is that every time I'm faced with something difficult, I think "what would Dad do?". His voice still speaks to me now.

    The situation I had was when he died, we found out what kind of shape my mom was in. She was in the first stages of that terrible slippery slope into dementia and Alzheimers. He had taken care of her and put up a good front. We knew things weren't quite right, but not to the extent they were. But on his death bed, he said "I don't know what you're going to do about your mother". And we found out pretty rapidly what he meant.

    From that point on, it was a rear guard action of trying to keep her as independent as we could while also keeping her safe. The last 15 years of her life was spent under 24x7 care in an Alzheimers care facility. And probably the last 5 years, she ceased being a part of our lives. When she died a couple years ago, it was a blow, but it was also a relief.

    About the only thing I can add to all the wise things said in this thread is give yourself time to grieve. For me, there was a big hole and it took time to adjust and get used to a new way of life. And talk about him. My wife's dad died in 2007. Her family is a long time German/Polish family and they *never* express emotions. I think they rely on me to bring up her dad every so often. Her mom cries when I do, but she also says don't stop doing that, we need to remember him.

    Hang in there.

    Pay attention to the open sky

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  3. #32
    No half measures, Walter RedEye's Avatar
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    Re: Losing a parent early... how to help the other parent?

    I am so very sorry for your loss.
    "Iíll kind of have a foot on the back of my own butt. Thatís just how I do things.Ē -- Bryan Price, 10/22/2013

  4. #33
    RaisorZone Raisor's Avatar
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    Re: Losing a parent early... how to help the other parent?

    Doug, sorry for your loss bro.
    "But I do know Joey's sister indirectly (or foster sister) and I have heard stories of Joey being into shopping, designer wear, fancy coffees, and pedicures."

  5. #34
    The Boss dougdirt's Avatar
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    Re: Losing a parent early... how to help the other parent?

    Things have seemingly been ok enough. It seems that my mom and I have both gone from having bad days to just having bad moments/hours now. I'm still struggling with the moments where instinctually I get up to go talk to him about something that I just saw, or something I didn't know about. He either had the answer or he would help me lookup/find the answer. Sports are tough at times. Baseball especially was something we really shared and it seems that if brings up a lot of moments where I want to go talk to him still. Joey Votto's walk off home run last night was one of those moments of joy followed quickly by flooding memories and a rough twenty minutes of reflection that I couldn't go give him a high five like we used to do. There are times when I really want to just talk with someone and yet I still don't know what I would say if I did choose to talk to someone. I guess I talked with you guys and gals just now, but there is still a lot I would like to really talk to someone about, yet its also leaving a whole lot unsaid that I would like to get out to someone, but I just don't know who or what I would say to people without feeling like they wouldn't understand. Maybe that last part is on me. I don't know. Either way, I still appreciate everything from everyone in here. It has helped.

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  7. #35
    Pimpin...literally!!! dubc47834's Avatar
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    Re: Losing a parent early... how to help the other parent?

    Doug,
    Let me start off by saying sorry for your loss. Second, I would say to find that really good friend and just start talking. When I go thru down patches I find my best friend and I vent, and he with me. Talking about your feelings with someone will only help. I hope you find that someone you can talk with and you get those things you need to say said.


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