Well I wasn't just gonna out you on redszone like that hahaha.
I can tell you about me.
In 2011, I did the stupidest thing I have ever done. I almost ended my life. My marriage was in its death throes (and oddly enough has not died yet, though it is in a coma). Without divulging too much information regarding circumstances, I ended up on medication with the side effect that it might make me have suicidal thoughts. I also stopped eating and sleeping for just about a week. No food. No sleep.
When I ended up in the hospital, the therapist I told this too asked me if I was on drugs, because she said she didn't think it was possible. Turns out it was. I sat on a Sunday, watching my daughter dance at a recital, and an hour after that, i was gobbling sleeping pills like they were tic tacs. The only thing that saved me was I had decided to have a last meal of sorts, got too full and passed out before finishing. It seemed so logical at the time.
And now, I cannot imagine feeling like that. I started running after I got out. every day I ran. I got up to 5 miles a day in the morning before work. I let go of everything. I stopped posting here for the most part. I accepted my circumstances and worked on trying to improve myself. You can't change another person. You can't change how they perceive you. You can change yourself, and from there let things unfold. Maybe your ex is right for you. Maybe she isn't, but you clearly are not right for you, at least not right now.
I did do one thing similar to you.. I asked for help here. And like you, I got an outpouring of help. Some are now facebook friends. Some I've spoken to on the phone. If you knew me, you'd know I'm not a "people" guy. I'm uncomfortable meeting and talking to people.
Getting an animal is a good idea. Lot's of exercise is a good idea. coed sports is a good idea. Make some friends outside your group of usual suspects. Stop focusing on "completing yourself" with another person. wake up early, get some breakfast and watch the sun rise.
Because it will rise. Every morning. And while some people will say the world each day is a better place with you in it, let me say something different.
Think of all the stuff you'll miss out on if you are not.
I almost missed out on my youngest daughter's first prom, my son graduating from Marine Boot Camp, and playing softball with my oldest daughter. I almost walked away from that. Now, I cannot fathom it. I'm off every medication i was on. I still see my therapist on occasion, but now it's like once every 3-4 months. I play ball, cook, and occasionally even exercise. Mostly I hang out with my kid, who happens to be my best friend. And I am perfectly ok with that.
Don't be so wrapped up in what you are not, and embrace what you are. Embrace what you want to do for you. Find the things, the little things that give you meaning. The rest will sort itself out, but you cannot be afraid to ask, or work for it. And you really need to know when to walk a way from a situation that does nothing but hurt you.
This was kind of rambling, but I hope it helps. feel free to PM me if you need to talk.
Raisel Ghul, the Demon's Head
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After reading thru this thread, I came to this conclusion. THERE ARE MANY GREAT PEOPLE ON THIS FORUM. I seriously doubt that any other forum I am a member of has this many GOOD people!!! I know we bicker sometimes, but serious, I am glad to be a member here.
This may sound silly, but I think it can help:
Do you have Netflix? When I was 20 I had a period where I struggled, and I found watching old, familiar sitcoms therapeutic and helped keep my mind off of depressing and negative thoughts.
My favorite all time sitcom to watch when I am in a really bad place is "Wings"
"Three's Company" and "Cheers" are fantastic as well.
Cheers and Wings are both on Netflix, but if those aren't your bag there are a lot of old school sitcoms on there.
Just an idea.
Wonderful Monds, I haven't known what to suggest or say that hasn't already been said. A lot of amazing stories have been shared. But now I'm sure I'd like to suggest something very simple.
Think of 3 things you're grateful for every day.
It doesn't matter if you're grateful that a freaking bolder didn't fall from space onto your car because that's the only good thing you can think of that happened. Then do two more. Think about them whenever you like throughout the day. Fight the incorrect notion that nothing is worth being thankful for, that nothing is good, that nothing was good, will be good, etc.
Thinking about things you're thankful for is the most powerful tool to overcome stress and anxiety that I am aware of. I've been through a lot myself. Pull out of this and someday you can be damn sure you'll be thankful to be alive. It's a great gift, don't waste it.
2015 Rotation: Under Construction
WM Hang in there my friend. There is not much else I can say that hasn't already been said on this thread, but seek help. Nothing is worth suicide. There WILL be better times ahead.
Kudos to everyone who has spilled their heart on this thread.
Anyone heard from Wonderful Monds lately...it's been a bit since he posted. Hopefully all is well!!!
I don't come off the ORG very much, but I need to do so.
This thread has lifted me, personally, and opened my eyes to the innate goodness of the mostly anonymous folks on this board.
Wonderful Monds, hang in there, our baseball brother. 13 years ago, I was right there with you, wondering how I was going to get through the next hour, the next day. Time doesn't necessarily heal all wounds, my own wound is still there, more hidden and deeper though, yet I still think about it every single day, at some point or another. But it doesn't consume me anymore, as it once did. It stays in the background, even as it's always there, it's part of me, part of my own unique experience.
Can't wait to see you back on the ORG, dishing out and taking the snark with the best of them.