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Thread: When life unravels all at once.

  1. #61
    Member Wonderful Monds's Avatar
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    Re: When life unravels all at once.

    Quote Originally Posted by vaticanplum View Post
    Yes, exactly. Mental health coverage even within good insurance can be complicated and still expensive, unfortunately.

    I can't say anything beyond woy's excellent advice. Wonderful Monds, keep looking for a human being to talk to, both at your insurance company and outside of it. If anyone shuts you down, keep looking. The options out there are so many and so varied that it is so often it is a matter of just finding the person who happens to know about an option that will help you. It can be time-consuming and frustrating work but it will be worth it.

    Maybe it's worth contacting the list of treatment places UC gave you even if you think your insurance won't cover it, just to see if the people there can provide you with other options?
    Yep, that's what I did, I called these treatment places, got denied coverage to all them, got all their resource teams that they all have to make referrals in those situations. Called option 2s down the line, same deal.

    Tried talking directly to my insurance company and the only list of things that they'd cover they would give me is psychiatric hospitals, which isn't what I need and...they wouldn't cover in the first place, since I'm not in a crisis situation. So they were a dead end too.

    Lots of dead ends is all I'm finding. Don't know what happened, if something went wrong with the anti-depressants or what, but today was awful. Spending the holiday alone hurt pretty bad as well.

    Talked to the ex as well. She's not doing well either, and is seeing someone else again now, in a reallllly strange situation (basically she's with a guy way too young for her and she's only 21 herself.)
    They don't think it be like it is, but it do.
    Quote Originally Posted by Larry Schuler View Post
    He has also taught me that even when the Reds win it is important to focus on the fact that they could have lost.

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  3. #62
    Beer is good!! George Anderson's Avatar
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    Re: When life unravels all at once.

    Unfortunately I have someone very close to me that suffers badly from depression. When things start going bad mentally for this person the only thing that works is a tweak in the medication and this person is on a bunch. Therapy, group sessions, nothing helps this person like the medication does.

    Just an FYI.
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  4. #63
    Worst Behavior. reds44's Avatar
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    Re: When life unravels all at once.

    I'm telling you man, the quicker you seperate yourself from the ex the better. It may be difficult, but it's for the best.
    Quote Originally Posted by PuffyPig View Post
    Let's face it, you mis-hit the bun with the mustard squirter, no one will really care.

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  6. #64
    Daffy Duck RedTeamGo!'s Avatar
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    Re: When life unravels all at once.

    Yeah, you need to completely stop talking to her.

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  8. #65
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    Re: When life unravels all at once.

    Quote Originally Posted by reds44 View Post
    I'm telling you man, the quicker you seperate yourself from the ex the better. It may be difficult, but it's for the best.
    Listen to this man.

    If someone is on solid ground emotionally and able to help you up, , great, let them help. If they're needing your help right now, cut them loose before they drag you down. There will come a time when you're able to help them, but don't try to help them until you can truly help yourself.

    It's like the oxygen mask lecture on airplanes. Put the mask on yourself before you try to help others.
    When people say that I donít know what Iím talking about when it comes to sports or writing, I think: Man, you should see me in the rest of my life.
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  10. #66
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    Re: When life unravels all at once.

    Quote Originally Posted by Wonderful Monds View Post
    Talked to the ex as well. She's not doing well either, and is seeing someone else again now, in a reallllly strange situation (basically she's with a guy way too young for her and she's only 21 herself.)
    Sheesh, trainwreck, run, don't walk.
    The widow is gathering nettles for her children's dinner; a perfumed seigneur, delicately lounging in the Oeil de Boeuf, hath an alchemy whereby he will extract the third nettle and call it rent. ~ Carlyle

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  12. #67
    Member Wonderful Monds's Avatar
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    Re: When life unravels all at once.

    Quote Originally Posted by reds44 View Post
    I'm telling you man, the quicker you seperate yourself from the ex the better. It may be difficult, but it's for the best.
    Yep. That's the hardest thing for me to do, is letting go of people. I've got a nasty case of dependent personality disorder, so this feels more like death than separation. Shes got it too, plus borderline personality disorder, so of course we latched together pretty hard while we were together, and then it turned off like a light switch for her because of the BPD. Which has led to increasingly insane things on her end that have been hard for me to watch.

    I know what I should basically. But it's easier said than done for me, given how I got wired for whatever reasons.
    They don't think it be like it is, but it do.
    Quote Originally Posted by Larry Schuler View Post
    He has also taught me that even when the Reds win it is important to focus on the fact that they could have lost.

  13. #68
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    Re: When life unravels all at once.

    Quote Originally Posted by Wonderful Monds View Post
    I know what I should basically. But it's easier said than done for me, given how I got wired for whatever reasons.
    Of course. But it's like a bad trip, just wait it out. You'll ruminate, that's natural, just acknowledge that your doing it and let it float away. Don't force it away or scold yourself, just let it float away.
    The widow is gathering nettles for her children's dinner; a perfumed seigneur, delicately lounging in the Oeil de Boeuf, hath an alchemy whereby he will extract the third nettle and call it rent. ~ Carlyle

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  15. #69
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    Re: When life unravels all at once.

    Quote Originally Posted by Rojo View Post
    Of course. But it's like a bad trip, just wait it out. You'll ruminate, that's natural, just acknowledge that your doing it and let it float away. Don't force it away or scold yourself, just let it float away.
    That's why I feel like I need serious help. This girl left me first for a person who probably murdered her pet and was emotionally abusive to her, and then left him and is with a person who is essentially a child. All the evidence is there, I shouldn't need anything more.

    But I'm still, just like 110% attached. I can't imagine a scenario where I'm happy without her in my life. I shouldn't feel that way, I can recognize that, but I don't understand why I do. And I feel it very strongly, to the point where it makes me feel physically sick.
    They don't think it be like it is, but it do.
    Quote Originally Posted by Larry Schuler View Post
    He has also taught me that even when the Reds win it is important to focus on the fact that they could have lost.

  16. #70
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    Re: When life unravels all at once.

    Quote Originally Posted by Wonderful Monds View Post
    I shouldn't feel that way, I can recognize that, but I don't understand why I do.
    Don't worry about how "should" feel. You obviously do feel it. And I get it. If people didn't get all crazy about people they shouldn't get crazy about, we'd never have novels or movies or songs.
    The widow is gathering nettles for her children's dinner; a perfumed seigneur, delicately lounging in the Oeil de Boeuf, hath an alchemy whereby he will extract the third nettle and call it rent. ~ Carlyle

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  18. #71
    Be the ball Roy Tucker's Avatar
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    Re: When life unravels all at once.

    Quote Originally Posted by Wonderful Monds View Post
    That's why I feel like I need serious help. This girl left me first for a person who probably murdered her pet and was emotionally abusive to her, and then left him and is with a person who is essentially a child. All the evidence is there, I shouldn't need anything more.

    But I'm still, just like 110% attached. I can't imagine a scenario where I'm happy without her in my life. I shouldn't feel that way, I can recognize that, but I don't understand why I do. And I feel it very strongly, to the point where it makes me feel physically sick.
    I get what you're saying. I've been there too. A couple times as a matter of fact. Like, I didn't get enough heartache to last a lifetime the first time? Duh. Any friend I had left (and there weren't many) told me I was ridiculous and just setting myself up like a bowling pin for yet another soul crushing moment. I couldn't seem to break the cycle.

    So I started filling my time. What my counselor told me was just to start pretending to lead a new lifestyle and establish new habits. I thought it sounded pretty stupid, but I gave it a try. So I started going places. Didn't matter what, movies, recitals, sports (Reds season tix), plays, etc etc. Whatever I could find that would get my mind off my misery for a just a few minutes. I was tired of being miserable and feeling awful. I felt like I'd eventually feel better at some point in the future, but I had to live to get to that point and it seemed a long way off and I couldn't envision ever getting there.

    So I tried it. It was a day by day thing. Like Rojo said, I had to just let go. It was like one of those Chinese finger traps. The more I struggled, the worse and tighter it got and the more frantic I got. But if I stopped struggling and kept occupying myself, I found those minutes of happiness turned into hours and then days. Pretty soon, it wasn't all that bad. I can remember the day when I actually had the thought "I think I just may get through this". It was a long time coming, but it happened.

    Pay attention to the open sky

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  20. #72
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    Re: When life unravels all at once.

    Quote Originally Posted by Wonderful Monds View Post
    That's why I feel like I need serious help. This girl left me first for a person who probably murdered her pet and was emotionally abusive to her, and then left him and is with a person who is essentially a child. All the evidence is there, I shouldn't need anything more.

    But I'm still, just like 110% attached. I can't imagine a scenario where I'm happy without her in my life. I shouldn't feel that way, I can recognize that, but I don't understand why I do. And I feel it very strongly, to the point where it makes me feel physically sick
    .
    I sent you a pm a few days ago, I didn't want to get in the way of some people with more training and experience. The bolded part is why I suggested finding something (a hobby, job, etc) to take up your time. I had my heart broken right around my birthday by a girl I had a crush on for literally 10 years. I wasn't in an emotional state to even try and live, the ballpark gave me something to focus on besides my single life. By the end of that summer I started looking as time helped some. I grew a lot that next year because I felt freer to express myself (I didn't have a lot of actual dates but just gaining confidence in myself talking with people).
    Quote Originally Posted by moewan View Post
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  22. #73
    breath westofyou's Avatar
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    Re: When life unravels all at once.

    Quote Originally Posted by Wonderful Monds View Post
    That's why I feel like I need serious help. This girl left me first for a person who probably murdered her pet and was emotionally abusive to her, and then left him and is with a person who is essentially a child. All the evidence is there, I shouldn't need anything more.

    But I'm still, just like 110% attached. I can't imagine a scenario where I'm happy without her in my life. I shouldn't feel that way, I can recognize that, but I don't understand why I do. And I feel it very strongly, to the point where it makes me feel physically sick.
    It's an organic thing, pull away and some of it will die or the supportive aspect will break apart. This I'm said to say is life, large pain and want for things (at times) that are bad, good, everything you'd want.

    I get it

    We get it..... it's freaking human.

    I've been with folks like you in certain moments, I've been you, we all have, and when I say this I'm not slinging BS, I'm dead serious.

    Love yourself

    Over all others (not in ways that cause harm or strife) but love yourself and it will work out. Make decisions that affect only you, make plans about what you are doing today. If you move forward with the goal to be in a space that is better than you need to think of what you need...first and foremost

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  24. #74
    Worst Behavior. reds44's Avatar
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    Re: When life unravels all at once.

    Quote Originally Posted by Wonderful Monds View Post
    Yep. That's the hardest thing for me to do, is letting go of people. I've got a nasty case of dependent personality disorder, so this feels more like death than separation. Shes got it too, plus borderline personality disorder, so of course we latched together pretty hard while we were together, and then it turned off like a light switch for her because of the BPD. Which has led to increasingly insane things on her end that have been hard for me to watch.

    I know what I should basically. But it's easier said than done for me, given how I got wired for whatever reasons.
    It's easier said than done for anyone. I don't think my issues were as serious as yours, but I got dumped by my girlfriend of three years and I went in to a nasty depression. Didn't leave the house, slept til 5 everyday, was barely the eating. The only thing that made it better for me was time away from her. Everytime I would contact her it would be like starting from scratch.

    And in your case it's doubley true because she sounds like she's got her own issues.

    I have a friend whose fiance dumped him on Christmas night. Women suck, man. You're not alone. You're not the first one to go through this. There are people who have suffered through similar things for similar reasons and they've beaten it. It just takes time...but you have to save yourself from yourself sometimes.
    Quote Originally Posted by PuffyPig View Post
    Let's face it, you mis-hit the bun with the mustard squirter, no one will really care.

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  26. #75
    Member kbrake's Avatar
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    Re: When life unravels all at once.

    Quote Originally Posted by reds44 View Post
    It's easier said than done for anyone. I don't think my issues were as serious as yours, but I got dumped by my girlfriend of three years and I went in to a nasty depression. Didn't leave the house, slept til 5 everyday, was barely the eating. The only thing that made it better for me was time away from her. Everytime I would contact her it would be like starting from scratch.

    And in your case it's doubley true because she sounds like she's got her own issues.

    I have a friend whose fiance dumped him on Christmas night. Women suck, man. You're not alone. You're not the first one to go through this. There are people who have suffered through similar things for similar reasons and they've beaten it. It just takes time...but you have to save yourself from yourself sometimes.

    I'm happy to be considered a friend haha. Wonderful Monds I sent you the PM with the details and my number. I wasn't kidding anytime you need someone to talk to reach out. I got my world completely turned upside down and it sucked so bad. My career is still in a rough spot because of how bad that impacted me. And I'm telling you as bad as things are for you right now I was in a very similar place but it can and will get better. Just reach out. I feel like I can't fully express myself in a public forum but I'm always available.


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