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Thread: "Parental" advice

  1. #61
    Five Tool Fool jojo's Avatar
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    Re: "Parental" advice

    Quote Originally Posted by RedTeamGo! View Post
    With that said, I do think there is a difference between lecturing your own children and someone else's.
    Not really in this case....remember context and all of that.
    "This isnít stats vs scouts - this is stats and scouts working together, building an organization that blends the best of both worlds. This is the blueprint for how a baseball organization should be run. And, whether the baseball men of the 20th century like it or not, this is where baseball is going."---Dave Cameron, U.S.S. Mariner

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  3. #62
    They call me "chef"
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    Re: "Parental" advice

    Quote Originally Posted by jojo View Post
    No. A judgmental adult would construe his motivations in the most negative light in order to validate their own predilection for rationalizing poor choices. What's weird is that you continue to argue that it's awesome to break promises and it's weird to hold your daughter to high standards, a thing which BTW has been scientifically proven to lead to more success, happiness and health.

    But ya, you keep at it.
    I would call cowtowing to your mom's boyfriend who blames you for causing a rift in his family when you were 15 to be a very low standard. High standard would be if she assumed the role of adult and apologized for canceling (she did), offered to make a sacrifice or do something extra to help offset any cost (she did), but refused to play along with the "sit down and tell me you can be trusted again" theatrics. High standard and keep promises are empty words if you don't consider what the 'high standard' or 'promise' actually is. Otherwise, what you're teaching her is to keep any/all promises to you, no matter what, and one day when she's an adult, she can find a 15-18 year old to lecture and control and repeat the cycle to.
    Quote Originally Posted by dougdirt
    Guys, just stop arguing with him. He will literally never stop.
    Quote Originally Posted by Sea Ray
    Larry is living the role of the underachiever who's still struggling to get a life so he spends hours upon hours posting worthless bilge on the 'net
    Quote Originally Posted by RedTeamGo!
    I think those are just two separate quotes and not meant to be taken together.

  4. #63
    Five Tool Fool jojo's Avatar
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    Re: "Parental" advice

    Quote Originally Posted by Larry Schuler View Post
    I would call cowtowing to your mom's boyfriend who blames you for causing a rift in his family when you were 15 to be a very low standard. High standard would be if she assumed the role of adult and apologized for canceling (she did), offered to make a sacrifice or do something extra to help offset any cost (she did), but refused to play along with the "sit down and tell me you can be trusted again" theatrics. High standard and keep promises are empty words if you don't consider what the 'high standard' or 'promise' actually is. Otherwise, what you're teaching her is to keep any/all promises to you, no matter what, and one day when she's an adult, she can find a 15-18 year old to lecture and control and repeat the cycle to.
    While you find nobility in it, all she did was tell him what she thought he wanted to hear when she was called out for not keeping her word by someone who you clearly paint as a bad, bad man.

    Weird on steroids.
    "This isnít stats vs scouts - this is stats and scouts working together, building an organization that blends the best of both worlds. This is the blueprint for how a baseball organization should be run. And, whether the baseball men of the 20th century like it or not, this is where baseball is going."---Dave Cameron, U.S.S. Mariner

  5. #64
    Daffy Duck RedTeamGo!'s Avatar
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    Re: "Parental" advice

    Quote Originally Posted by jojo View Post
    Not really in this case....remember context and all of that.
    And what case is that? He doesn't even live with the girl, sees her once or twice a week at most.
    What would you say.....ya do here?

  6. #65
    Member BernieCarbo's Avatar
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    Re: "Parental" advice

    Quote Originally Posted by Sea Ray View Post
    So your point is it's not a good idea to hold her to high standards because it's not his daughter? Heck, we try to hold each other to high standards around here all the time and most of us have never met. There's a thread about this that's active right now.
    It wasn't Chip's place to exact a promise from her in the first place, being the boyfriend that visits on weekends. You guys are expecting way too much from a girl who has a dad who steals from her, a mom's boyfriend who stays once in a while, a mom who has no transportation and is acting kind of helpless, and is wondering how she is going to go to college within the year. From what has been posted, she doesn't have a lot of tangible support at home, and although Chip has generously done things like making a DVD of her graduation, this guilt trip is being thrown upon her while the bills are piling up. Has she made mistakes? Sure. The tinted windows were dumb, the speeding ticket was careless, and I'm sure she would do things differently like all of us would. This wedding is probably the last thing she wants to deal with, "promises" be damned. And let's be honest- she has no bond with these people, so the grownups should just get over it.

  7. #66
    Five Tool Fool jojo's Avatar
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    Re: "Parental" advice

    Quote Originally Posted by RedTeamGo! View Post
    And what case is that? He doesn't even live with the girl, sees her once or twice a week at most.
    Ummmm......the one in this thread. You should really read it. Youre gonna see some shocking arguments against character and honesty.
    "This isnít stats vs scouts - this is stats and scouts working together, building an organization that blends the best of both worlds. This is the blueprint for how a baseball organization should be run. And, whether the baseball men of the 20th century like it or not, this is where baseball is going."---Dave Cameron, U.S.S. Mariner

  8. #67
    Daffy Duck RedTeamGo!'s Avatar
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    Re: "Parental" advice

    Quote Originally Posted by jojo View Post
    Ummmm......the one in this thread. You should really read it. Youre gonna see some shocking arguments against character and honesty.
    Yep, not his daughter and he sees her a couple hours a week.

    Let's put it this way, 16 years from now if my wife and I no longer are married and I find out her boyfriend spoke to my kid like that, I probably end up arrested.

    I'm done. Night.
    What would you say.....ya do here?

  9. #68
    Five Tool Fool jojo's Avatar
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    Re: "Parental" advice

    Quote Originally Posted by RedTeamGo! View Post
    Yep, not his daughter and he sees her a couple hours a week.

    Let's put it this way, 16 years from now if my wife and I no longer are married and I find out her boyfriend spoke to my kid like that, I probably end up arrested.

    I'm done. Night.
    No worries. You could use the money you stole from her to bail yourself out and pay for some counseling to help you get over watching a man be a positive role model while caring about your daughter's future and trying to build stronger family ties.
    "This isnít stats vs scouts - this is stats and scouts working together, building an organization that blends the best of both worlds. This is the blueprint for how a baseball organization should be run. And, whether the baseball men of the 20th century like it or not, this is where baseball is going."---Dave Cameron, U.S.S. Mariner

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  11. #69
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    Re: "Parental" advice

    Honesty is telling the truth.

    "My plans have changed. I need to cancel" is the truth. I think what you might be thinking of is unquestioning obedience to a person you identify with (adult dude who has enough free time to ponder the infinite ways his girlfriend's daughter might be driving a wedge between him and his family but not enough free time to actually call his family and ask them why they only visit once every 7 years).

    A sign of character is knowing that, when your girlfriends' 18 year old daughter cancels going to your nephew's wedding in Iowa, you put your want to retaliate and guilt aside and ask how you can help the daughter with the plans that have taken priority over the wedding. Character isn't "do whatever the controlling male in your life (which happens to be me, conveniently) says." That, again, is more obedience or showing reverence to another that holds a higher status.
    Quote Originally Posted by dougdirt
    Guys, just stop arguing with him. He will literally never stop.
    Quote Originally Posted by Sea Ray
    Larry is living the role of the underachiever who's still struggling to get a life so he spends hours upon hours posting worthless bilge on the 'net
    Quote Originally Posted by RedTeamGo!
    I think those are just two separate quotes and not meant to be taken together.

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  13. #70
    Five Tool Fool jojo's Avatar
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    Re: "Parental" advice

    Quote Originally Posted by Larry Schuler View Post
    Honesty is telling the truth.

    "My plans have changed. I need to cancel" is the truth. I think what you might be thinking of is unquestioning obedience to a person you identify with (adult dude who has enough free time to ponder the infinite ways his girlfriend's daughter might be driving a wedge between him and his family but not enough free time to actually call his family and ask them why they only visit once every 7 years).

    A sign of character is knowing that, when your girlfriends' 18 year old daughter cancels going to your nephew's wedding in Iowa, you put your want to retaliate and guilt aside and ask how you can help the daughter with the plans that have taken priority over the wedding. Character isn't "do whatever the controlling male in your life (which happens to be me, conveniently) says." That, again, is more obedience or showing reverence to another that holds a higher status.
    Actually an important part of honesty is keeping your word.

    I mean telling your vet after they've saved your cherished family dog that you've changed your plans and wont be paying the vet bill is honest in the sense that it accurately portrays facts, but it doesn't quite go far enough, does it? Or maybe it does in the worlds of some where evil is defined as holding others to standards.
    "This isnít stats vs scouts - this is stats and scouts working together, building an organization that blends the best of both worlds. This is the blueprint for how a baseball organization should be run. And, whether the baseball men of the 20th century like it or not, this is where baseball is going."---Dave Cameron, U.S.S. Mariner

  14. #71
    Member GAC's Avatar
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    Re: "Parental" advice

    Quote Originally Posted by RedTeamGo! View Post
    Holy crap.

    Does Chip R stand for Chip Redsfan?

    My mind is blown right now, I've always assumed the R was the first letter of Chip's last name.
    It is.

    Quote Originally Posted by Boston Red View Post
    Eh, I think this event seems like a complete bore for her, and I can't imagine why anyone in Iowa would expect this girl who's not related to them to show up
    This. Pretty simple.

    I can understand the obvious importance to Chip (it's his family) ..... and I can understand the significance of his GF wanting to attend (be by her BF's side) ... but her daughter, whom I'll assume doesn't know (met) any of these people? I don't know how much "weight" was put behind her promise to go, not saying she was coerced or pressured either, but it's obvious (to me), in the back of her mind, she really didn't want to go and when "push came to shove" she told her Mom her true feelings. I have no issue with that.

    How many parents in this conversation, who now have adult children, have not been in similar situations when their kids were 18, made a promise ... clean your room, put gas in the car, be on time for an event, show better maturity/responsibility, you're an adult now - act like it - only to have them go back on it?

    I know when I, and my brothers, were 18 we "disappointed" our parents many-a-times by what they viewed as selfish decisions. And that's pretty much what it was. That's what 18 yr olds do a lot. And while they may have addressed us, they didn't make a big deal over it. They let it go. You move on.

    Maybe I'm wrong, but I don't think the family in Iowa is going to be disappointed ... I don't think they're going to be asking Chip's GF "Hey! Where's your daughter?"

    Let it go.
    Last edited by GAC; 06-06-2017 at 04:38 AM.
    "In my day you had musicians who experimented with drugs. Now it's druggies experimenting with music" - Alfred G Clark (circa 1972)

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  16. #72
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    Re: "Parental" advice

    1) This isn't your kid. It's great you want to be a father figure, but this isn't your job right now.

    2) Right now, what she needs from is not to guilt her over going to a wedding of your extended family member. She lost a scholarship. She's broke. Obviously stressed. She needs your support. Make a plan for how she's going to pay for college (if she wants to go).

    3) Explain to her that while she should have told you (really, her mom) sooner about the scholarship, you understand that right now for her going to this wedding isn't what's important. Tell her you'd like to see her get a job, and ask if there's a way you can help with that process. That way she sees the need for accountability, but also that you care. Instead you're guilting a kid, who isn't even your kid, during a very stressful and emotional time for her.

    4) Go and apologize to her for how you acted. Show her that she had a male figure in her life that can admit he was wrong, and support her. Help her out...not by giving her money, but by teaching her responsibility, what's important, and different ways to pay for things such as school.


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