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Thread: Hallmark Channel movies

  1. #1
    Posting in Dynarama M2's Avatar
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    Hallmark Channel movies

    traderumor brought them up in a baseball thread, but I feel they're worth a topic on their own. Hallmark churns out formulaic treacle based on every season and holiday, often starring actors who've slipped to the D list. Lacey Chabert never may have made fetch happen, but she's box office gold for Hallmark. Watching one of these films can get you to wear out IMDB, trying to figure where else you've seen members of the cast.

    Would it be nice if they tweaked the formula or invested a little effort in character and dialog? Sure, but Hallmark's niche is comfort TV. People go in with high demand for their low expectations to be met. The result is both soothing and maddening. It can also be unintentionally hilarious. As I mentioned in the other thread, Hallmark films are perfect MST3K fodder. They are built to be goofed upon. I also maintain every Hallmark film is easily adaptable to porn - the flimsy plots, the barely believable cosplay of how things function in the real world, the stilted dialog. You could totally film three version of each offering: one for Hallmark, one somewhat naughty version for late night cable and one full-on porn version. Maybe Danica McKellar and Dylan Neal would balk at that, though I bet it would pay pretty well.

    Anyway, I'm curious to see who considers Hallmark a guilty (or even not guilty) pleasure, who spite-watches it, etc.
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  4. #2
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    Re: Hallmark Channel movies

    Only time I've ever seen a full Hallmark movie is when a friend starred in one a few Christmas seasons ago. I wouldn't even know where to find Hallmark content. Are some of the Hulu Christmas titles originally Hallmark produced movies?
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  5. #3
    Sprinkles are for winners dougdirt's Avatar
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    Re: Hallmark Channel movies

    My DVR IS FULL OF THEM.

    Lacey Chabert? YES PLEASE. But, I'll generally watch them all. They aren't deep. They are light hearted. They have happy endings. I'm about that life. I want to see people happy in the end. I want to see people fall in love.

  6. #4
    Be the ball Roy Tucker's Avatar
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    Re: Hallmark Channel movies

    My wife LOVES those Hallmark movies. Absolutely loves them.

    She gets mad at me because I can predict the plot after watching the first 5 minutes. So she makes me promise to not say anything when she is watching one under penalty of losing marital “favors”.
    A saxophone someplace far off played

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  8. #5
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    Re: Hallmark Channel movies

    It may date me but for me it doesn't count as a true Hallmark movie unless it has Meredith Baxter-Birney in it.
    Last edited by klw; 10-29-2018 at 05:07 PM.

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    Re: Hallmark Channel movies

    Didn't Danica McKellar get a math degree from Harvard (or something along those lines)? You're probably not going to get her for the pron version. I know her sister (Beckly Slater from the show) was Harvard Law the same year that I wanted to be (Harvard, wisely, had other ideas).

    I enjoy about one Hallmarker a year.

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    Chip R (10-30-2018)

  12. #7
    Be the ball Roy Tucker's Avatar
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    Re: Hallmark Channel movies

    It is a guilty pleasure for me in limited doses. Not every movie I watch is Oscar-worthy. Sometimes I don’t want to think a lot. Like a bodice-ripper novel

    Plus I get on the good side of my wife.
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  13. #8
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    Re: Hallmark Channel movies

    It's the same movie over and over.

    I can say this because I've seen about 12 of them.
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    westofyou (10-29-2018)

  15. #9
    Sprinkles are for winners dougdirt's Avatar
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    Re: Hallmark Channel movies

    Quote Originally Posted by KronoRed View Post
    It's the same movie over and over.

    I can say this because I've seen about 12 of them.
    Only 12? Goodness. What an amateur.

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    TRF (01-18-2019)

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    Re: Hallmark Channel movies

    The Hallmark Christmas movies are the only ones worth watching, and they are magnificent. I can watch one a day.
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    Re: Hallmark Channel movies

    My wife likes The Good Witch. They have a 10 episode series every year and usually a two hour show at Halloween. I've watch some of them. They aren't bad. The star,The Good Witch,is Catherine Bell. At one time she did some soft porn on one of those Cinemax series. So there is your Hallmark spice for tonight.
    Reds Fan Since 1971

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  20. #12
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    Re: Hallmark Channel movies

    I've watched a few of the Hallmark Christmas movies with my wife, but my favorite is one she hasn't watched: "Help For the Holidays." Why? Two words: Summer Glau.
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    marcshoe (10-29-2018)

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    Re: Hallmark Channel movies

    My problem with Hallmark movies is that there are hardly ever any decapitations. Other than that, they're ok.
    “[Reading] is the sole means by which we slip, involuntarily, often helplessly, into another's skin, another's voice, another's soul" -- Joyce Carol Oates

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  24. #14
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    Re: Hallmark Channel movies

    I've farted better stories than a Hallmark Movie Channel flick shows nightly

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    Kinsm (10-29-2018)

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    Re: Hallmark Channel movies

    Quote Originally Posted by westofyou View Post
    I've farted better stories than a Hallmark Movie Channel flick shows nightly
    So your farts decapitate people? That's important.
    “[Reading] is the sole means by which we slip, involuntarily, often helplessly, into another's skin, another's voice, another's soul" -- Joyce Carol Oates

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